Battle scarred teen wants to fix family's fighting
Dear Amy: What are the best ways to fix family arguments? Everyone in my family fights, yells, and says hurtful things. People in my family want to banish other family members and they stop talking to them.
Every single day is a battlefield where people get stressed and tired of the drama. I worry that this is tearing the family apart.
My family members need each other but they act like they are too busy to help each other.
What would be the most helpful way to keep this family whole? -- The Teen
Dear Teen: Unfortunately, some families seem to function in a state of nearly constant high drama. It is as if discord is the norm for the family, and peaceful times are mainly a result of people not speaking to each other.
But, as you know, silence and peace are not the same thing.
If your family wages a daily battle, it could affect your ability to interact with people outside the family calmly and peacefully.
It is important for you to keep in mind that realistically you will not be able to heal your family. You are a teenager and your family has probably interacted this way for many years -- perhaps generations. There are likely underlying causes to your family's dynamic, whether it is illness, childhood trauma or substance abuse.
The best thing for you to do is to try to protect yourself from the emotional and self-esteem fallout from witnessing (and/or partaking) in family combat. Do not let this define you. Please -- as you look around you -- tell yourself, "This is not me." If you have siblings, you can help each other to cope.
Don't try to solve your parents' problems. Don't try to mediate between them, even if they want you to take sides.
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