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Only child worries about caring for distant parents

By Amy Dickinson, Tribune Content Agency on

Dear Amy: I am an only child. My family and I live about five hours from my parents, who are retired.

My husband and I have two children, one in college and one in high school.

I am a teacher and my husband has worked in the management field for a company for more than 20 years.

My dilemma is that my mother has Alzheimer's, and I am really feeling the strain of the distance between us.

I want to be there to support her, and to help my dad with caregiver responsibilities. There is no other family around to help them out, and it's very important to me to be there for them. Do you have any advice on how I can bridge the gap? -- Worried

Dear Worried: You should make sure your parents have the best possible care. This is something you can help to set up and monitor (to some extent) from a distance. You will feel better when you are confident that they have a local safety net.

 

The Alzheimer's Association has a very helpful "community resource finder" on its website: (alz.org). I tested this using several different ZIP codes and searching for different categories, such as "adult day care programs." Doing a search like this would help inform you about what services are available to your parents locally. The local Office on Aging will also help.

You can hire a local geriatric care manager to coordinate some of these services and communicate with you.

You should plan a trip home and stay for at least a week, in order to try to get an idea of what their challenges are over the course of several days and to check out local programs and caregivers. Work with your father to set up some respite care and household help -- even if he says he doesn't need it.

Because you are a teacher, I'm assuming you might have some time during the summer when you aren't working. You should ask your husband to pick up the slack at home in order for you to spend more time with your folks (perhaps he could drive to visit you on the weekends). Ultimately, moving them near you -- or you moving to them -- might be necessary.

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