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Boyfriend is insecure about girlfriend's past

By Amy Dickinson, Tribune Content Agency on

DEAR AMY: I am seeking advice on a very touchy subject between me and my boyfriend of two years.

I am 24 years old. When I was 21, I was living in a different town and had a sexual relationship with another female. This relationship did not last long, because I became conflicted and eventually determined I was just not interested in that lifestyle.

My boyfriend is everything to me! From our values to spirituality, he is my perfect match.

We have always been open and honest with each other. He has a daughter from a previous relationship, so he likes to make the point that he can't hide his past.

I opened up about my past sexual history with the female. Now he seems to be struggling with a lot of insecurity. I'm not sure what else I can do to comfort him, in that I am NOT gay, I was a young lady in a weird spot in life and experimented (like a lot of us do at that age).

But he is taking this very hard. He has never lashed out at me, or said anything negative about me wanting to hook up with other women.

 

He has told me that he just has to work on his own insecurities.

It's to the point that when we are in the same room and a TV show talks about lesbians or threesomes, the atmosphere just gets awkward. I hate it. His insecurity is making ME insecure.

Why can't he forget something that happened before we even knew each other? Was I wrong to tell him? How do I help him? What approach should I take to help him get over his insecurities? I need advice, badly. I don't want this to go on forever. -- Awkward in MO

DEAR AWKWARD: You can't put a qualification or a timeline on someone else's discomfort. From what you report, your boyfriend is being respectful and honest about his struggle.

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