Someone in the family will have to wear 'big girl pants'
DEAR AMY: I have been divorced since 2010, separated since 2006. I am remarried and have four adult children. My issue is with my family.
My ex and I barely tolerate each other. We do not speak except about the children and only via text or email. Even though we are uncomfortable being in each other's company, my sisters and mother continue to invite the ex to family dinners.
I have expressed that I do not want him at family dinners. It hurts me to see my ex. He was less than an ideal husband, but my family refuses to believe that.
I hid much of his bad behavior from them during the marriage.
I can accept that he will be at events for our children and also at holiday dinners. But I do not want to see him every time I go to my family's for a Sunday dinner.
My family thinks that I should "suck it up" and "put on my big girl pants" and accept that he is their friend and will continue to be included.
They say I am being unreasonable. Am I being unreasonable? Is it normal to have the ex-spouse at all family dinners? My current husband is also very uncomfortable. He and my ex don't speak.
I'm not sure how to deal with this. -- Uncomfortable
DEAR UNCOMFORTABLE: When a marriage breaks up, it can be hard on extended family, which form bonds and friendships with an ex. Even so -- it is family members who really need to "put on their big girl pants" in order to realize that family relationships need to adjust when marriages end.
All the same, your family is not respecting your sensitivity and are basically telling you that they have no intention of changing their friendship or social connection with your ex. So now the choice is yours. If you don't want to spend time with your ex (completely understandable), you will also not be spending time with your family.
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