Life Advice

/

Health

Mom is conflicted about pursuing financial support

By Amy Dickinson, Tribune Content Agency on

DEAR AMY: I have a 12-year-old daughter. Her biological father passed away when she was 2 years old. I got married when she was 5. He and I separated when she was 10. We're now divorced. He loves my daughter very much and has considered her his own child.

He never formally adopted her, but he has seen her regularly, due to my cooperation. I never wanted to "punish" either of them by not allowing them to see each other.

He calls and asks to take her to dinner or to do fun things during the day. This is great, but he does not help me financially.

A huge part of me thinks he shouldn't have to. But I sometimes feel resentful that I am the one paying for school activities, birthdays and necessities, and he still gets to spend time with her whenever he wants without helping me. I've always wanted to be kind, and I can provide on my own, but this has become a nagging thought.

I wish he would help me by offering to pay for things he knows about, such as school pictures. Or that he would give me a monthly amount, like child support. But then I feel bad for even thinking he should have to help.

Am I wrong or should I talk to him about this? -- Resentful

 

DEAR RESENTFUL: If you want child support, then you should be prepared to further monetize your daughter's relationship with your ex-husband. I don't recommend it (and I don't think you would succeed).

It seems that you resent him for having a fun relationship with your daughter when you are left holding the bag. I understand your reaction, but this is what it means to be a parent. When you're a parent, sometimes it seems that everyone else is on the dance floor, while you are left to guard their purses.

You should offer your ex the opportunity to pay for school pictures or soccer cleats, but don't turn this into a fight over pennies.

DEAR AMY: Some of us are concerned about our friend, "Mr. Average Nice Guy." Mr. Nice Guy is settled into midlife with wife, kids, dog and a house.

...continued

swipe to next page

 

 

Comics

Randy Enos Pickles Mother Goose & Grimm Kevin Siers Phil Hands Lisa Benson