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Woman might be using breakup to make up

By Amy Dickinson, Tribune Content Agency on

DEAR AMY: I'm a 27-year-old female. I broke up with my boyfriend of seven years in March because he was caught texting a girl (she'd already been brought up in conversation as an issue for me) in a very non-platonic way, if you know what I mean.

I admit to being very jealous so I tried to give him space to have whatever friends he wanted, but I also believe there should be very clear boundaries with these "friends."

Anyhow, even after the breakup we are still acting like we're together. He spends nearly every night at my house, we still "do the do," he gets jealous over other guys I'm talking to but when I say let's try again, he tells me no. I honestly think he has someone (or several someones) else but with no proof -- and the way he still treats me like he wants this, I can't really walk away without knowing for sure. Any advice? -- Confused

DEAR CONFUSED: Let's review: You broke up with your long-term boyfriend because of your suspicions, but you still spend most nights together, "do the do," act like you're still a couple, feel jealous and possessive over each other, etc.

Exactly what about your (or his) behavior indicates that you have broken up?

When you break up with someone, you stop cohabiting and "doing the do" with that person. You disengage from their romantic shenanigans, and they from yours. You back away. Make a break from that person, hence the term breakup.

 

As things are, your boyfriend has all of the advantages of being with you, as well as the freedom to be with others because you're no longer officially a couple. You have this same freedom, and because you seem confused about the whole breaking-up concept, rather than wait for proof that he is seeing other women, I suggest that you always use a condom when you're with him (to guard against STDs), and behave like you're single and date others if you want to.

You need to train yourself not to care so much about what your "ex" is up to. And you will only do that once you have figured out how to really break up with him.

DEAR AMY: I recently retired after 42 years of working.

I am enjoying my time so far, although there are some days when I feel sad. I know it's a transition from a busy professional life in academia.

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