ArcaMax

DEAR AMY: I am 23 and married with two wonderful children. I had my first child at 20 and the other at 22. Being a mom is super awesome and all that but I'm starting to get overly stressed.

My husband is 23 also. He doesn't feel like he has to share the responsibility of caring for the children.

He works every night and comes home around 8 a.m.

I am a stay-at-home mom (so I feel like I work 24/7).

I do almost everything by myself and he complains if I ask him for help. Am I expecting too much? Should it be OK for me to do everything regarding the children by myself?

I know that moms have been doing this forever but it just gets harder every day, to the point where I break down in the bathroom (pretending to use it). Am I wrong to expect his help? Should I just get over it? -- Stressed Out of My Mind

DEAR STRESSED: Your husband is working a night shift in order to support his family. This is "help" of the first order. Without his efforts, your lifestyle would not be possible.

All the same, with two very young children, you more than have your hands full and you need some relief.

You should develop some routines that include your husband -- not necessarily as the "helper," but as the "father."

Choose a period in the late afternoon or early evening (schedule this around his most wide-awake time) where you leave the house and the kids stay with him. You could schedule an exercise class, power-walk with a friend, or simply (as I used to do) sit in your car and read a magazine. The point is that it is a limited amount of time and the kids stay with him and you actually leave the house. If he grumbles, simply tell him, "I'll be back at 6:30. You can handle it. You'll be great."

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