Parents worry about visit by drug-addicted daughter
DEAR AMY: My stepdaughter is 24. She is the mother of a toddler.
She and her husband have struggled with meth addiction and she is currently clean and away from him (for the last two months). My husband and I have taken her in several times to try to get her clean but she always turns back to her husband and drugs.
Currently she and her son are living with her mother several states away and are planning a visit soon, which I am not looking forward to.
She has stolen my wedding ring and prescription drugs when we have trusted and tried to help her in the past.
My husband is more of an enabler than I am and chooses to forgive and forget but I am very wary, especially when we have two teenage daughters at home.
I believe her main focus for the visit is to see her husband, who moved back here to stay with friends. She has been in recovery several times before but it doesn't last. Should I give her a second (more like 10th) chance for the sake of our grandchild? -- Worried
DEAR WORRIED: Each time you and your husband "help" his addicted daughter, you have the same experience.
On the one hand, I think it is a good idea to have her and her son visit -- mainly to give him a safe, loving and fun experience with you and your family (especially if the alternative is her taking the child to stay with his meth-addicted father and his friends).
On the other hand, you should prepare for your stepdaughter to relapse (this seems inevitable, given her history and her choice to spend time with her husband). You should see what changes your household can make to try to ensure a different outcome than all of the previous times.
Do NOT trust her -- with anything. Remove ALL medications, alcohol, family valuables and anything else that might be a trigger or temptation for your stepdaughter. Coach your children not to "lend" or give her any money or jewelry. Find an addiction counselor and/or recovery program in your area that she can attend while she is with you.
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