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Mom of three wants to put a ring on it

By Amy Dickinson, Tribune Content Agency on

DEAR AMY: My boyfriend (going on four years) and I have three children together. He's the only man I've ever been with. Our relationship is great. We get along well and we're always out with the kids.

We are a family but I want to be married; he talks about marriage like it's a bad thing.

I understand that almost everyone in his and my family is divorced (or has cheated), but we are not them.

I get so angry when we talk about marriage because he speaks of it like it's a bad idea. He wants more kids but is not ready to get married. I'm not having any more children until I have my ring. He never said he won't marry me, but he never said he would, either.

Do we need papers to prove that we love each other and that we want to spend the rest of our lives together?

-- Sad Girlfriend

 

DEAR SAD: I have news for you: You don't need a piece of paper to prove your love to each other, but NOT being married does not protect you from all of the negatives your guy has experienced in his own family. People who aren't married can cheat and leave and lay waste to their kids' lives, just as easily as -- actually, more easily than -- people who are married.

Both you and your partner have legal rights and responsibilities as parents. Your partner must be listed on birth certificates, for instance. There are also legal implications of two unrelated people living together. Who owns what? What are your prospective financial obligations? To learn more, you can read the book, "Living Together: A Legal Guide for Unmarried Couples," by Frederick Hertz, Ralph Warner and Toni Ihara, published by NOLO (2013).

Aside from this, there are important emotional components to consider. If you won't have another child without "putting a ring on it," then why have you already had three children without this consideration?

And -- most important -- why are you so desperate to marry someone who doesn't want to marry you?

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