Bible Belt religion puts transplant on edge

Q: Nine years after moving to the Bible Belt of Southeast coastal North Carolina, I'm still unable to find a new church home. While there are mainstream Christian churches here of the type to which I'd belonged in the liberal North and urban Midwest, their services are so heavily permeated by the culture of the Baptists and independent evangelicals that they're almost unrecognizable to me.

While I like traditional services with scholarly sermons and organ music by serious composers such as Bach, here there's a freewheeling informality with pop-culture guitar music. Even if I could get used to that, I could never accept the impromptu, tear-laden witnessing, the old-fashioned revivals, even cheers for Duke sports teams during services.

Even worse for me is the emotional, personal atmosphere people maintain in relation to God here, with "Jesus" this and "Jesus" that, to the near exclusion of the Trinity. I've also been disturbed by the criticism others direct at me when I can't recount a specific experience of being "saved." Does everyone have to be cut from the same cloth to feel comfortable and be accepted in a church in the South?

I was reminded of my plight on yet another unhappy Sunday when I read an article in the local paper ballyhooing a successful congregation nearby with 4,800 people coming to an $18 million church in jeans for services described as "half worship, half rock concert." Started by a self-labeled "very conservative" young man 10 years ago, the church is nondenominational, guided by its charismatic founder, now 38, who felt called by God but was never humble enough to think he needed to study theology. To me, this adds up to no constraints, no historical context, no oversight, no struggles.

Yes, this church helps people, but only in an atmosphere that makes religion fun and entertaining. This church represents everything that rejects me, my beliefs, and preferred style of worship. While I almost envy churchgoers who have full faith in simple, sure beliefs, I've encountered too many conflicting ideas in my life not to be plagued by doubt. I've asked ministers with impeccable seminary credentials how they can let so many misinterpretations go by--especially when doing so hurts others--and they've said they're pressured to "overlook" them to meet the local culture halfway.

Meanwhile, I feel hung out to dry and have no place I can feel at home. Do you have any advice, because frankly, I've given up. -- Woman without a church, via godsquadquestion@aol

A: My heart breaks for you. I've heard many people foolishly assert that America in the era of chain stores and national burger joints has lost its regional differences. Your spiritually-agonized e-mail reminds us that this is false.

The Bible Belt is not a contrived name; it's an accurate description of the place you've chosen to live. And this is not just true for Christians. The Judaism I encountered in New York was dramatically different from the Judaism of my past in the Midwest; it's more ethnic and more traditional, which took me a while to get used to. So, in addition to the urging you to have patience and keep looking for a church that fits your religious needs, let me offer some suggestions:

Try to find a church near a university. A scholarly, restrained approach to religion might have an easier time taking root in a college town where faculty and students have spiritual and intellectual needs more closely akin to your own.

Ask trusted ministers from up North about churches and pastors they know down South. Networking to find a church is as important as networking to find a job.

Now, for a couple of weird outside-the-box ideas:

Start your own church. Seriously. If you can find a few fellow spiritual travelers in your community, why not gather together for informal worship services and Bible study in each other's homes and see where things lead. You're obviously not Catholic, so you're not constrained by Roman Catholic laws concerning its sacraments. Remember, every church started as just a little seed (or is that an oak tree, I forget).

Take a deep breath and sit down before you read my last suggestion:

Don't be such a snob! OK, so you like your religion cool and mental, not hot and emotional. I respect and understand your preferences, since they match my own. However, there's a wide world of deeply fulfilling religious forms that are unfamiliar to you, and you've settled down in the middle of one of them.

The fervent, personal, committed style of Southern Evangelical Christianity has its fruits and I urge you to sample them without preconception or condescension. Try to open your heart and soul to the message of the preacher and try to feel the warmth of the congregation as it tries to embrace you in its own way. Asking you about experiences where you felt saved by God's love and grace is not necessarily a hostile act. Try to hear the question and receive it as a loving act framed in the person's own spiritual idiom.

As I reflect on the moments of my most productive and exciting spiritual growth, most involved me being exposed to something radically different than what I wanted or expected. Every Sunday, busloads of spiritually up tight central European and Scandinavian tourists in New York City swamp Harlem churches to let some gospel music warm their souls. Consider your time in the Bible Belt like Moses who found God even though he was "a stranger in a strange land." If it was good enough for Moses, it should be good enough for you. Have a great journey.

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