A WEDDING STORY

By Rabbi Marc Gellman, Tribune Media Services on Apr 3, 2008

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Q: Man A marries Lady A in a Catholic church. Man B marries Lady B (Catholic) in a civil service. Both couples divorce. Man A marries Lady B in a civil service (after Lady A has died). Can Man A and Lady B also have a marriage ceremony in a Catholic Church? - D., via godsquadquestion@aol.com

A: Yippee! At last, a Catholic symbolic logic question! First, let me try to flesh out some of the unspoken details of this story:

Man A is a divorced Catholic whose ex-wife was the (sadly, now deceased) Lady A. Did Man A ever get an annulment from Lady A? We don't know! Where was Man A when Lady A passed away? We don't know!

Now, on to the lovely Lady B, who, though a Catholic, was not married in a church by a priest but rather was married to the handsome and debonair Man B (probably a rapper with such a name) by someone else. I'm thinking it was the captain on a tramp steamer named Rabbi's Confusion, which was sailing to Bora Bora to pick up a load of dreidels sculpted by Polynesian dreidel makers (the best in the world!) for the bar mitzvah trade back in the States.

However, as we all know, such impulsive South Sea marriages of passion hardly ever work out. So Man B and Lady B divorced (I wonder who got the dreidel import business?).

Then, on some enchanted evening, across a crowded room, Man A sees Lady B and flies to her side. Man A and Lady B decide to book a cabin on the same tramp steamer and are married by the same captain in a civil service. Wonder of wonders, however, the marriage lasts!

Then, one day, Lady B tells Man A (for some reason she never took his name) that she now wants a church wedding to sanctify their union spiritually, although, of course, they are already married civilly (most days).

Can they do this? Can anyone understand this? Who's on first? (Help me, Father Tony!) For all of you Catholics who think you know what's what, take a few minutes to figure this one out for yourselves without peeking at the answer (I wanted the paper to print the answer upside down but they wouldn't do it!)

All right, all done? Good. Here's the answer:

Man A would normally need to procure an annulment for his Church marriage to Lady A, but he can't because the diocesan tribunal can no longer interview Lady A. This is sad, but a good thing for Man A because the death of Lady A ended all the issues for Man A. His first marriage is over and he is free to marry Lady B in a Catholic ceremony (actually, his marriage would be convalidated in church because he is, of course, already legally married to Lady B, thanks to the captain).

Now, what is the status of Lady B? Well, because she was not married in church, her first marriage was never spiritually valid. (By the way, don't worry. Her children are not illegitimate because her marriage was legal.) Now, Lady B is free to marry Man A in church and live happily ever after! Whew!

Here's my own answer: Both Man A and Lady B should convert to Judaism and take over a thriving dreidel import business. Well, that's all, folks. I have to go now. My ship leaves for Bora Bora in the morning and Lady G awaits me.

NOTE: I just received the following wonderful e-mail from Bill and Margo Lawless, who came to my aid when I was trying to help a woman who kept receiving rosary beads in the mail from charities and didn't know how to dispose of them. Bill and Margo wrote to tell me about their own effort to collect rosaries for our troops in Afghanistan and Iraq. I included their e- mail address and just heard from them again:

Dear Rabbi Gellman,

Since you mentioned our project in your column, the response has been truly gratifying. To date, we've received almost 1,000 rosaries and more are promised. Thanks for shining your light on the effort on behalf of our troops. -- Bill & Margo Lawless bill.lawless@rcn.com

There's an old rabbinic saying that one good deed causes another good deed to happen. I always believed that, but now I'm certain. God bless you, Bill and Margo, and let's keep those rosaries coming! (Wow, I never thought that I, a rabbi, would ever say that!)

(Send QUESTIONS ONLY to The God Squad, c/o Tribune Media Services, 2225 Kenmore Ave., Suite 114, Buffalo, NY 14207, or email them to godsquadquestion@aol.com.