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The Confessions of Harry Lorrequer - Complete
THE CONFESSIONS OF HARRY LORREQUER, Volume 1
[By Charles James Lever (1806-1872)]
Dublin
MDCCCXXXIX.
[Note: Though the title page has no author's name inscribed, this work
is generally attributed to Charles James Lever.]
Volume 1. (Chapters I. to X.)
"We talked of pipe-clay regulation caps-- Long twenty-fours--short
culverins and mortars-- Condemn'd the 'Horse Guards' for a set of
raps, And cursed our fate at being in such quarters. Some smoked, some
sighed, and some were heard to snore; Some wished themselves five
fathoms 'neat the Solway; And some did pray--who never prayed before--
That they might get the 'route' for Cork or Galway."
To Sir George Hamilton Seymour, G.C.H. &c. &c.
My Dear Sir Hamilton,
If a feather will show how the wind blows, perhaps my dedicating to
you even as light matter as these Confessions may in some measure
prove how grateful I feel for the many kindnesses I have received from
you in the course of our intimacy. While thus acknowledging a debt, I
must also avow that another motive strongly prompts me upon this
occasion. I am not aware of any one, to whom with such propriety a
volume of anecdote and adventure should be inscribed, as to one,
himself well known as an inimitable narrator. Could I have stolen for
my story, any portion of the grace and humour with which I have heard
you adorn many of your own, while I should deem this offering more
worthy of your acceptance, I should also feel more confident of its
reception by the public.
With every sentiment of esteem and regard, Believe me very faithfully
yours, THE AUTHOR Bruxelles, December, 1839.
PREFATORY EPISTLE.
Dear Public,
When first I set about recording the scenes which occupy these pages,
I had no intention of continuing them, except in such stray and
scattered fragments as the columns of a Magazine (FOOTNOTE: The Dublin
University Magazine.) permit of; and when at length I discovered that
some interest had attached not only to the adventures, but to their
narrator, I would gladly have retired with my "little laurels" from a
stage, on which, having only engaged to appear between the acts, I was
destined to come forward as a principal character.
Among the "miseries of human life," a most touching one is spoken
of--the being obliged to listen to the repetition of a badly sung
song, because some well-wishing, but not over discreet friend of the
singer has called loudly for an encore.
I begin very much to fear that something of the kind has taken place
here, and that I should have acted a wiser part, had I been contented
with even the still small voice of a few partial friends, and retired
from the boards in the pleasing delusion of success; but
unfortunately, the same easy temperament that has so often involved me
before, has been faithful to me here; and when you pretended to be
pleased, unluckily, I believed you.
So much of apology for the matter--a little now for the manner of my
offending, and I have done. I wrote as I felt--sometimes in good
spirits, sometimes in bad--always carelessly--for, God help me, I can
do no better.
When the celibacy of the Fellows of Trinity College, Dublin, became an
active law in that University, the Board proceeded to enforce it, by
summoning to their presence all the individuals who it was well known
had transgressed the regulation, and among them figured Dr. S., many
of whose sons were at the same time students in the college. "Are you
married, Dr. S-----r?" said the bachelor vice-provost, in all the
dignity and pride of conscious innocence. "Married!" said the father
of ten children, with a start of involuntary horror;--"married?" "Yes
sir, married." "Why sir, I am no more married than the Provost."
This was quite enough--no further questions were asked, and the head
of the University preferred a merciful course towards the offender, to
repudiating his wife and disowning his children. Now for the
application. Certain captious and incredulous people have doubted the
veracity of the adventures I have recorded in these pages; I do not
think it necessary to appeal to concurrent testimony and credible
witnesses for their proof, but I pledge myself to the fact that every
tittle I have related is as true as that my name is Lorrequer--need I
say more?
Another objection has been made to my narrative, and I cannot pass it
by without a word of remark;--"these Confessions are wanting in scenes
of touching and pathetic interest" (FOOTNOTE: We have the author's
permission to state, that all the pathetic and moving incidents of his
career he has reserved for a second series of "Confessions," to be
entitled "Lorrequer Married?"--Publisher's Note.)--true, quite true;
but I console myself on this head, for I remember hearing of an author
whose paraphrase of the book of Job was refused by a publisher, if he
could not throw a little more humour into it; and if I have not been
more miserable and more unhappy, I am very sorry for it on your
account, but you must excuse my regretting it on my own. Another
story and I have done;--the Newgate Calendar makes mention of a
notorious housebreaker, who closed his career of outrage and violence
by the murder of a whole family, whose house he robbed; on the
scaffold he entreated permission to speak a few words to the crowd
beneath, and thus addressed them:--"My friends, it is quite true I
murdered this family; in cold blood I did it--one by one they fell
beneath my hand, while I rifled their coffers, and took forth their
effects; but one thing is imputed to me, which I cannot die without
denying--it is asserted that I stole an extinguisher; the contemptible
character of this petty theft is a stain upon my reputation, that I
cannot suffer to disgrace my memory." So would I now address you for
all the graver offences of my book; I stand forth guilty--miserably,
palpably guilty--they are mine every one of them; and I dare not, I
cannot deny them; but if you think that the blunders in French and the
hash of spelling so widely spread through these pages, are
attributable to me; on the faith of a gentleman I pledge myself you
are wrong, and that I had nothing to do with them. If my thanks for
the kindness and indulgence with which these hastily written and
rashly conceived sketches have been received by the press and the
public, are of any avail, let me add, in conclusion, that a more
grateful author does not exist than
HARRY LORREQUER
CONTENTS:
Volume 1.
CHAPTER I Arrival in Cork--Civic Festivities--Private Theatricals
CHAPTER II Detachment Duty--The Burton Arms--Callonby
CHAPTER III Life at Callonby--Love-making--Miss O'Dowd's Adventure
CHAPTER IV Botanical Studies--The Natural System preferable to the
Linnaean
CHAPTER V Puzzled--Explanation--Makes bad worse--The Duel
CHAPTER VI The Priest's Supper--Father Malachi and the
Coadjutor--Major Jones and the Abbe
CHAPTER VII The Lady's Letter--Peter and his Acquaintances--Too late
CHAPTER VIII Congratulations--Sick Leave--How to pass the Board
CHAPTER IX The Road--Travelling Acquaintances--A Packet Adventure
CHAPTER X Upset--Mind and Body
Volume 2.
CHAPTER XI Cheltenham--Matrimonial Adventure--Showing how to make love
for a friend
CHAPTER XII Dublin--Tom O'Flaherty--A Reminiscence of the Peninsula
CHAPTER XIII Dublin--The Boarding-house--Select Society
CHAPTER XIV The Chase
CHAPTER XV Mems Of the North Cork
CHAPTER XVI Theatricals
CHAPTER XVI* (The chapter # is a repeat) The Wager
CHAPTER XVII The Elopement
Volume 3.
CHAPTER XVIII Detachment Duty--An Assize Town
CHAPTER XIX The Assize Town
CHAPTER XX A Day in Dublin
CHAPTER XXI A Night at Howth
CHAPTER XXII The Journey
CHAPTER XXIII Calais
Volume 4.
CHAPTER XXIV The Gen d'Arme
CHAPTER XXV The Inn at Chantraine
CHAPTER XXVI Mr O'Leary
CHAPTER XXVII Paris CHAPTER XXVIII Paris
Volume 5.
CHAPTER XXIX Captain Trevanion's Adventure
CHAPTER XXX Difficulties
CHAPTER XXXI Explanation
CHAPTER XXXII Mr O'Leary's First Love
CHAPTER XXXIII Mr O'Leary's Second Love
CHAPTER XXXIV The Duel
CHAPTER XXXV Early Recollections--A First Love
CHAPTER XXXVI Wise Resolves
CHAPTER XXXVII The Proposal
CHAPTER XXXVIII Thoughts upon Matrimony in general, and in the Army in
particular--The Knight of Kerry and Billy M'Cabe
CHAPTER XXXIX A Reminiscence
CHAPTER XL The Two Letters
CHAPTER XLI Mr O'Leary's Capture
Volume 6.
CHAPTER XLII. The Journey
CHAPTER XLIII. The Journey
CHAPTER XLIV. A Reminscence of the East
CHAPTER XLV. A Day in the Phoenix
CHAPTER XLVI. An Adventure in Canada
CHAPTER XLVII. The Courier's Passport
CHAPTER XLVIII. A Night in Strasbourg
CHAPTER XLIX. A Surprise
CHAPTER L. Jack Waller's Story
CHAPTER LI. Munich
CHAPTER LII. Inn at Munich
CHAPTER LIII. The Ball
CHAPTER LIV. A Discovery
CHAPTER LV. Conclusion
A WORD OF INTRODUCTION.
"Story! God bless you; I have none to tell, sir."
It is now many--do not ask me to say how many--years since I received
from the Horse Guards the welcome intelligence that I was gazetted to
an insigncy in his Majesty's __th Foot, and that my name, which had
figured so long in the "Duke's" list, with the words "a very hard
case" appended, should at length appear in the monthly record of
promotions and appointments.
Since then my life has been passed in all the vicissitudes of war and
peace. The camp and the bivouac--the reckless gaiety of the
mess-table --the comfortless solitude of a French prison--the exciting
turmoils of active service--the wearisome monotony of garrison duty, I
have alike partaken of, and experienced. A career of this kind, with
a temperament ever ready to go with the humour of those about him will
always be sure of its meed of adventure. Such has mine been; and with
no greater pretension than to chronicle a few of the scenes in which I
have borne a part, and revive the memory of the other actors in
them--some, alas! Now no more--I have ventured upon these
"Confessions."
If I have not here selected that portion of my life which most
abounded in striking events and incidents most worthy of recording, my
excuse is simply, because being my first appearance upon the boards, I
preferred accustoming myself to the look of the house, while
performing the "Cock," to coming before the audience in the more
difficult part of Hamlet.
As there are unhappily impracticable people in the world, who, as
Curran expressed it, are never content to know "who killed the gauger,
if you can't inform them who wore his corduroys"--to all such I would,
in deep humility, say, that with my "Confessions" they have nothing to
do--I have neither story nor moral--my only pretension to the one, is
the detail of a passion which marked some years of my life; my only
attempt at the other, the effort to show how prolific in hair-breadth
'scapes may a man's career become, who, with a warm imagination and
easy temper, believes too much, and rarely can feign a part without
forgetting that he is acting. Having said thus much, I must once more
bespeak the indulgence never withheld from a true penitent, and at
once begin my "Confessions."
CHAPTER I.
ARRIVAL IN CORK--CIVIC FESTIVITIES--PRIVATE THEATRICALS.
It was on a splendid morning in the autumn of the year 181_ that the
Howard transport, with four hundred of his Majesty's 4_th Regt.,
dropped anchor in the beautiful harbour of Cove; the sea shone under
the purple light of the rising sun with a rich rosy hue, beautifully
in contrast with the different tints of the foliage of the deep woods
already tinged with the brown of autumn. Spike Island lay "sleeping
upon its broad shadow," and the large ensign which crowns the battery
was wrapped around the flag-staff, there not being even air enough to
stir it. It was still so early, that but few persons were abroad; and
as we leaned over the bulwarks, and looked now, for the first time for
eight long years, upon British ground, many an eye filled, and many a
heaving breast told how full of recollections that short moment was,
and how different our feelings from the gay buoyancy with which we had
sailed from that same harbour for the Peninsula; many of our best and
bravest had we left behind us, and more than one native to the land we
were approaching had found his last rest in the soil of the stranger.
It was, then, with a mingled sense of pain and pleasure, we gazed upon
that peaceful little village, whose white cottages lay dotted along
the edge of the harbour. The moody silence our thoughts had shed over
us was soon broken: the preparations for disembarking had begun, and I
recollect well to this hour how, shaking off the load that oppressed
my heart, I descended the gangway, humming poor Wolfe's well-known
song--
"Why, soldiers, why Should we be melancholy, boys?"
And to this elasticity of spirits--whether the result of my
profession, or the gift of God--as Dogberry has it--I know not--I owe
the greater portion of the happiness I have enjoyed in a life, whose
changes and vicissitudes have equalled most men's.
Drawn up in a line along the shore, I could scarce refrain from a
smile at our appearance. Four weeks on board a transport will
certainly not contribute much to the "personnel" of any unfortunate
therein confined; but when, in addition to this, you take into account
that we had not received new clothes for three years--if I except caps
for our grenadiers, originally intended for a Scotch regiment, but
found to be all too small for the long-headed generation. Many a
patch of brown and grey, variegated the faded scarlet, "of our
uniform," and scarcely a pair of knees in the entire regiment did not
confess their obligations to a blanket. But with all this, we shewed
a stout, weather-beaten front, that, disposed as the passer-by might
feel to laugh at our expense, very little caution would teach him it
was fully as safe to indulge it in his sleeve.
The bells from every steeple and tower rung gaily out a peal of
welcome as we marched into "that beautiful city called Cork," our band
playing "Garryowen"--for we had been originally raised in Ireland, and
still among our officers maintained a strong majority from that land
of punch, priests, and potatoes--the tattered flag of the regiment
proudly waving over our heads, and not a man amongst us whose warm
heart did not bound behind a Waterloo medal. Well--well! I am
now--alas, that I should say it--somewhat in the "sear and yellow;"
and I confess, after the experience of some moments of high,
triumphant feeling, that I never before felt within me, the same
animating, spirit-filling glow of delight, as rose within my heart
that day, as I marched at the head of my company down George's-street.
We were soon settled in barracks; and then began a series of
entertainments on the side of the civic dignities of Cork, which soon
led most of us to believe that we had only escaped shot and shell to
fall less gloriously beneath champagne and claret. I do not believe
there is a coroner in the island who would have pronounced but the one
verdict over the regiment--"Killed by the mayor and corporation," had
we so fallen.
First of all, we were dined by the citizens of Cork--and, to do them
justice, a harder drinking set of gentlemen no city need boast; then
we were feasted by the corporation; then by the sheriffs; then came
the mayor, solus; then an address, with a cold collation, that left
eight of us on the sick-list for a fortnight; but the climax of all
was a grand entertainment given in the mansion-house, and to which
upwards of two thousand were invited. It was a species of fancy ball,
beginning by a dejeune at three o'clock in the afternoon, and
ending--I never yet met the man who could tell when it ended; as for
myself, my finale partook a little of the adventurous, and I may as
well relate it.
After waltzing for about an hour with one of the prettiest girls I
ever set eyes upon, and getting a tender squeeze of the hand, as I
restored her to a most affable-looking old lady in a blue turban and a
red velvet gown who smiled most benignly on me, and called me
"Meejor," I retired to recruit for a new attack, to a small table,
where three of ours were quaffing "ponche a la Romaine," with a crowd
of Corkagians about them, eagerly inquiring after some heroes of their
own city, whose deeds of arms they were surprised did not obtain
special mention from "the Duke." I soon ingratiated myself into this
well-occupied clique, and dosed them with glory to their hearts'
content. I resolved at once to enter into their humour; and as the
"ponche" mounted up to my brain I gradually found my acquaintanceship
extend to every family and connexion in the country.
"Did ye know Phil Beamish of the 3_th, sir?" said a tall, red-faced,
red-whiskered, well-looking gentleman, who bore no slight resemblance
to Feargus O'Connor.
"Phil Beamish!" said I. "Indeed I did, sir, and do still; and there
is not a man in the British army I am prouder of knowing." Here, by
the way, I may mention that I never heard the name till that moment.
"You don't say so, sir?" said Feargus--for so I must call him, for
shortness sake. "Has he any chance of the company yet, sir?"
"Company!" said I, in astonishment. "He obtained his majority three
months since. You cannot possibly have heard from lately, or you
would have known that?"
"That's true, sir. I never heard since he quitted the 3_th to go to
Versailles, I think they call it, for his health. But how did he get
the step, sir?"
"Why, as to the company, that was remarkable enough!" said I, quaffing
off a tumbler of champagne, to assist my invention. "You know it was
about four o'clock in the afternoon of the 18th that Napoleon ordered
Grouchy to advance with the first and second brigade of the Old Guard
and two regiments of chasseurs, and attack the position occupied by
Picton and the regiments under his command. Well, sir, on they came,
masked by the smoke of a terrific discharge of artillery, stationed on
a small eminence to our left, and which did tremendous execution among
our poor fellows--on they came, Sir; and as the smoke cleared
partially away we got a glimpse of them, and a more dangerous looking
set I should not desire to see: grizzle-bearded, hard-featured,
bronzed fellows, about five-and-thirty or forty years of age; their
beauty not a whit improved by the red glare thrown upon their faces
and along the whole line by each flash of the long twenty-fours that
were playing away to the right. Just at this moment Picton rode down
the line with his staff, and stopping within a few paces of me, said,
'They're coming up; steady, boys; steady now: we shall have something
to do soon.' And then, turning sharply round, he looked in the
direction of the French battery, that was thundering away again in
full force, 'Ah, that must be silenced,' said he, 'Where's
Beamish?'--"Says Picton!" interrupted Feargus, his eyes starting from
their sockets, and his mouth growing wider every moment, as he listed
with the most intense interest. "Yes," said I, slowly; and then, with
all the provoking nonchalance of an Italian improvisatore, who always
halts at the most exciting point of his narrative, I begged a listener
near me to fill my glass from the iced punch beside him. Not a sound
was heard as I lifted the bumper to my lips; all were breathless in
their wound-up anxiety to hear of their countryman who had been
selected by Picton--for what, too, they knew not yet, and, indeed, at
this instant I did not know myself, and nearly laughed outright, for
the two of our men who had remained at the table had so well employed
their interval of ease as to become very pleasantly drunk, and were
listening to my confounded story with all the gravity and seriousness
in the world.
"'Where's Beamish?' said Picton. 'Here, sir,' said Phil stepping out
from the line and touching his cap to the general, who, taking him
apart for a few minutes, spoke to him with great animation. We did
not know what he said; but before five minutes were over, there was
Phil with three companies of light-bobs drawn up at our left; their
muskets at the charge, they set off at a round trot down the little
steep which closed our flank. We had not much time to follow their
movements, for our own amusement began soon; but I well remember,
after repelling the French attack, and standing in square against two
heavy charges of cuirassiers, the first thing I saw where the French
battery had stood, was Phil Beamish and about a handful of brave
fellows, all that remained from the skirmish. He captured two of the
enemy's field-pieces, and was 'Captain Beamish' on the day after."
"Long life to him," said at least a dozen voices behind and about me,
while a general clinking of decanters and smacking of lips betokened
that Phil's health with all the honours was being celebrated. For
myself, I was really so engrossed by my narrative, and so excited by
the "ponche," that I saw or heard very little of what was passing
around, and have only a kind of dim recollection of being seized by
the hand by "Feargus," who was Beamish's brother, and who, in the
fullness of his heart, would have hugged me to his breast, if I had
not opportunely been so overpowered as to fall senseless under the
table.
When I first returned to consciousness, I found myself lying exactly
where I had fallen. Around me lay heaps of slain--the two of "ours"
amongst the number. One of them--I remember he was the adjutant--held
in his hand a wax candle (three to the pound). Whether he had himself
seized it in the enthusiasm of my narrative of flood and field, or it
had been put there by another, I know not, but he certainly cut a
droll figure. The room we were in was a small one off the great
saloon, and through the half open folding-door I could clearly
perceive that the festivities were still continued. The crash of
fiddles and French horns, and the tramp of feet, which had lost much
of their elasticity since the entertainments began, rang through my
ears, mingled with the sounds "down the middle," "hands across,"
"here's your partner, Captain." What hour of the night or morning it
then was, I could not guess; but certainly the vigor of the party
seemed little abated, if I might judge from the specimens before me,
and the testimony of a short plethoric gentleman, who stood wiping his
bald head, after conducting his partner down twenty-eight couple, and
who, turning to his friend, said, "Oh, the distance is nothing, but it
is the pace that kills."
The first evidence I shewed of any return to reason, was a strong
anxiety to be at my quarters; but how to get there I knew not. The
faint glimmering of sense I possessed told me that "to stand was to
fall," and I was ashamed to go on all-fours, which prudence suggested.
At this moment I remembered I had brought with me my cane, which, from
a perhaps pardonable vanity, I was fond of parading. It was a present
from the officers of my regiment--many of them, alas, since dead--and
had a most splendid gold head, with a stag at the top--the arms of the
regiment. This I would not have lost for any consideration I can
mention; and this now was gone! I looked around me on every side; I
groped beneath the table; I turned the sleeping sots who lay about in
no very gentle fashion; but, alas, it was gone. I sprang to my feet
and only then remembered how unfit I was to follow up the search, as
tables, chairs, lights, and people seemed all rocking and waving
before me. However, I succeeded in making my way, through one room
into another, sometimes guiding my steps along the walls; and once, as
I recollect, seeking the diagonal of a room, I bisected a quadrille
with such ill-directed speed, as to run foul of a Cork dandy and his
partner who were just performing the "en avant:" but though I saw them
lie tumbled in the dust by the shock of my encounter--for I had upset
them--I still held on the even tenor of my way. In fact, I had
feeling for but one loss; and, still in pursuit of my cane, I reached
the hall-door. Now, be it known that the architecture of the Cork
Mansion House has but one fault, but that fault is a grand one, and a
strong evidence of how unsuited English architects are to provide
buildings for a people whose tastes and habits they but imperfectly
understand--be it known, then, that the descent from the hall-door to
the street was by a flight of twelve stone steps. How I should ever
get down these was now my difficulty. If Falstaff deplored "eight
yards of uneven ground as being three score and ten miles a foot,"
with equal truth did I feel that these twelve awful steps were worse
to me than would be M'Gillicuddy Reeks in the day-light, and with a
head clear from champagne.
While I yet hesitated, the problem resolved itself; for, gazing down
upon the bright gravel, brilliantly lighted by the surrounding lamps,
I lost my balance, and came tumbling and rolling from top to bottom,
where I fell upon a large mass of some soft substance, to which, in
all probability, I owe my life. In a few seconds I recovered my
senses, and what was my surprise to find that the downy cushion
beneath, snored most audibly! I moved a little to one side, and then
discovered that in reality it was nothing less than an alderman of
Cork, who, from his position, I concluded had shared the same fate
with myself; there he lay, "like a warrior taking his rest," but not
with his "martial cloak around him," but a much more comfortable and
far more costly robe--a scarlet gown of office--with huge velvet cuffs
and a great cape of the same material. True courage consists in
presence of mind; and here mine came to my aid at once: recollecting
the loss I had just sustained, and perceiving that all was still about
me, with that right Peninsular maxim, that reprisals are fair in an
enemy's camp, I proceeded to strip the slain; and with some little
difficulty--partly, indeed, owing to my unsteadiness on my legs--I
succeeded in denuding the worthy alderman, who gave no other sign of
life during the operation than an abortive effort to "hip, hip,
hurra," in which I left him, having put on the spoil, and set out on
my way the the barrack with as much dignity of manner as I could
assume in honour of my costume. And here I may mention (en
parenthese) that a more comfortable morning gown no man ever
possessed, and in its wide luxuriant folds I revel, while I write
these lines.
When I awoke on the following day I had considerable difficulty in
tracing the events of the past evening. The great scarlet cloak,
however, unravelled much of the mystery, and gradually the whole of my
career became clear before me, with the single exception of the
episode of Phil Beamish, about which my memory was subsequently
refreshed--but I anticipate. Only five appeared that day at mess;
and, Lord! What spectres they were!--yellow as guineas; they called
for soda water without ceasing, and scarcely spoke a word to each
other. It was plain that the corporation of Cork was committing more
havoc among us than Corunna or Waterloo, and that if we did not change
our quarters, there would be quick promotion in the corps for such as
were "seasoned gentlemen." After a day or two we met again together,
and then what adventures were told--each man had his own story to
narrate; and from the occurrences detailed, one would have supposed
years had been passing, instead of the short hours of an evening
party. Mine were indeed among the least remarkable; but I confess
that the air of vraisemblance produced by my production of the
aldermanic gown gave me the palm above all competitors.
Such was our life in Cork--dining, drinnking, dancing, riding steeple
chases, pigeon shooting, and tandem driving--filling up any little
interval that was found to exist between a late breakfast, and the
time to dress for dinner; and here I hope I shall not be accused of a
tendency to boasting, while I add, that among all ranks and degrees of
men, and women too, there never was a regiment more highly in
estimation than the 4_th. We felt the full value of all the
attentions we were receiving; and we endeavoured, as best we might, to
repay them. We got up Garrison Balls and Garrison Plays, and usually
performed one or twice a week during the winter. Here I shone
conspicuously; in the morning I was employed painting scenery and
arranging the properties; as it grew later, I regulated the lamps, and
looked after the foot-lights, mediating occasionally between angry
litigants, whose jealousies abound to the full as much, in private
theatricals, as in the regular corps dramatique. Then, I was also
leader in the orchestra; and had scarcely to speak the prologues.
Such are the cares of greatness: to do myself justice, I did not
dislike them; though, to be sure, my taste for the drama did cost me a
little dear, as will be seen in the sequel.
We were then in the full career of popularity. Our balls pronounced
the very pleasantest; our plays far superior to any regular corps that
had ever honoured Cork with their talents; when an event occurred
which threw a gloom over all our proceedings, and finally put a stop
to every project for amusement, we had so completely given ourselves
up to. This was no less than the removal of our Lieutenant-Colonel.
After thirty years of active service in the regiment he then
commanded, his age and infirmities, increased by some severe wounds,
demanded ease and repose; he retired from us, bearing along with him
the love and regard of every man in the regiment. To the old officers
he was endeared by long companionship, and undeviating friendship; to
the young, he was in every respect as a father, assisting by his
advice, and guiding by his counsel; while to the men, the best
estimate of his worth appeared in the fact, that corporeal punishment
was unknown in the corps. Such was the man we lost; and it may well
be supposed, that his successor, who, or whatever he might be, came
under circumstances of no common difficulty amongst us; but, when I
tell, that our new Lieutenant-Colonel was in every respect his
opposite, it may be believed how little cordiality he met with.
Lieutenant-Colonel Carden--for so I shall call him, although not his
real name--had not been a month at quarters, when he proved himself a
regular martinet; everlasting drills, continual reports, fatigue
parties, and ball practice, and heaven knows what besides, superseded
our former morning's occupation; and, at the end of the time I have
metioned, we, who had fought our way from Albuera to Waterloo, under
some of the severest generals of division, were pronounced a most
disorderly and ill-disciplined regiment, by a Colonel, who had never
seen a shot fired but at a review in Hounslow, or a sham-battle in the
Fifteen Acres. The winter was now drawing to a close--already some
little touch of spring was appearing; as our last play for the season
was announced, every effort to close with some little additional
effort was made; and each performer in the expected piece was nerving
himself for an effort beyond his wont. The Colonel had most
unequivocally condemned these plays; but that mattered not; they came
not within his jurisdiction; and we took no notice of his displeasure,
further than sending him tickets, which were as immediately returned
as received. From being the chief offender, I had become particularly
obnoxious; and he had upon more than one occasion expressed his desire
for an opportunity to visit me with his vengeance; but being aware of
his kind intentions towards me, I took particular care to let no such
opportunity occur.
On the morning in question, then, I had scarcely left my quarters,
when one of my brother officers informed me that the Colonel had made
a great uproar, that one of the bills of the play had been put up on
his door --which, with his avowed dislike to such representations, he
considered as intended to insult him: he added, too, that the Colonel
attributed it to me. In this, however, he was wrong--and, to this
hour, I never knew who did it. I had little time, and still less
inclination, to meditate upon the Colonel's wrath--the theatre had all
my thoughts; and indeed it was a day of no common exertion, for our
amusements were to conclude with a grand supper on the stage, to which
all the elite of Cork were invited. Wherever I went through the
city--and many were my peregrinations--the great placard of the play
stared me in the fact; and every gate and shuttered window in Cork,
proclaimed, "THE PART OF OTHELLO, BY MR. LORREQUER."
As evening drew near, my cares and occupations were redoubled. My
Iago I had fears for--'tis true he was an admirable Lord Grizzle in
Tom Thumb --but then--then I had to paint the whole company, and bear
all their abuse besides, for not making some of the most ill-looking
wretches, perfect Apollos; but, last of all, I was sent for, at a
quarter to seven, to lace Desdemona's stays. Start not, gentle
reader--my fair Desdemona--she "who might lie by an emperor's side,
and command him tasks"--was no other than the senior lieutenant of the
regiment, and who was a great a votary of the jolly god as honest
Cassio himself. But I must hasten on--I cannot delay to recount our
successes in detail. Let it suffice to say, that, by universal
consent, I was preferred to Kean; and the only fault the most critical
observer could find to the representative of Desdemona, was a rather
unlady-like fondness for snuff. But, whatever little demerits our
acting might have displayed, were speedily forgotten in a champagne
supper. There I took the head of the table; and, in the costume of
the noble Moor, toasted, made speeches, returned thanks, and sung
songs, till I might have exclaimed with Othello himself, "Chaos was
come again;"--and I believe I owe my ever reaching the barrack that
night to the kind offices of Desdemona, who carried me the greater
part of the way on her back.
The first waking thoughts of him who has indulged over-night, was not
among the most blissful of existence, and certainly the pleasure is
not increased by the consciousness that he is called on to the
discharge of duties to which a fevered pulse and throbbing temples are
but ill-suited. My sleep was suddenly broken in upon the morning after
the play, but a "row-dow-dow" beat beneath my window. I jumped
hastily from my bed, and looked out, and there, to my horror,
perceived the regiment under arms. It was one of our confounded
colonel's morning drills; and there he stood himself with the poor
adjutant, who had been up all night, shivering beside him. Some two
or three of the officers had descended; and the drum was now summoning
the others as it beat round the barrack-square. I saw there was not a
moment to lose, and proceeded to dress with all despatch; but, to my
misery, I discovered every where nothing but theatrical robes and
decorations--there lay a splendid turban, here a pair of buskins--a
spangled jacket glittered on one table, and a jewelled scimitar on the
other. At last I detected my "regimental small-clothes," &c. Most
ignominiously thrust into a corner, in my ardour for my Moorish robes
the preceding evening.
I dressed myself with the speed of lightning; but as I proceeded in my
occupation-guess my annoyance to find that the toilet-table and glass,
ay, and even the basin-stand, had been removed to the dressing-room of
the theatre; and my servant, I suppose, following his master's
example, was too tipsy to remember to bring them back; so that I was
unable to procure the luxury of cold water--for now not a moment more
remained--the drum had ceased, and the men had all fallen in. Hastily
drawing on my coat, I put on my shako, and buckling on my belt as
dandy-like as might be, hurried down the stairs to the barrack-yard.
By the time I got down, the men were all drawn up in line along the
square; while the adjutant was proceeding to examine their
accoutrements, &c. as he passed down. The colonel and the officers
were standing in a group, but no conversing. The anger of the
commanding officer appeared still to continue, and there was a dead
silence maintained on both sides. To reach the spot where they stood,
I had to pass along part of the line. In doing so, how shall I convey
my amazement at the faces that met me--a general titter ran along the
entire rank, which not even their fears for consequences seemed able
to repress--for an effort, on the part of many, to stifle the laugh,
only ended in a still louder burst of merriment. I looked to the far
side of the yard for an explanation, but there was nothing there to
account for it. I now crossed over to where the officers were
standing, determining in my own mind to investigate the occurrence
thoroughly, when free from the presence of the colonel, to whom any
representation of ill conduct always brought a punishment far
exceeding the merits of the case.
Scarcely had I formed this resolve, when I reached the group of
officers; but the moment I came near, one general roar of laughter
saluted me,--the like of which I never before heard--I looked down at
my costume, expecting to discover that, in my hurry to dress, I had
put on some of the garments of Othello--No: all was perfectly correct.
I waited for a moment, till the first burst of their merriment over, I
should obtain a clue to the jest. But their mirth appeared to
increase. Indeed poor G----, the senior major, one of the gravest men
in Europe, laughed till the tears ran down his cheeks; and such was
the effect upon me, that I was induced to laugh too--as men will
sometimes, from the infectious nature of that strange emotion; but, no
sooner did I do this, than their fun knew no bounds, and some almost
screamed aloud, in the excess of their merriment; just at this instant
the Colonel, who had been examining some of the men, approached our
group, advancing with an air of evident displeasure, as the shouts of
loud laughter continued. As he came up, I turned hastily round, and
touching my cap, wished him good morning. Never shall I forget the
look he gave me. If a glance could have annihilated any man, his
would have finished me. For a moment his face became purple with
rage, his eye was almost hid beneath his bent brow, and he absolutely
shook with passion.
"Go, Sir," said he at length, as soon as he was able to find utterance
for his words; "Go, sir, to your quarters; and before you leave them,
a court-martial shall decide, if such continued insult to your
commanding officer, warrants your name being in the Army List."
"What the devil can all this mean?" I said, in a half-whisper, turning
to the others. But there they stood, their handkerchiefs to their
mouths, and evidently choking with suppressed laughter.
"May I beg, Colonel C_____," said I----
"To your quarters, sir," roared the little man, in the voice of a
lion. And with a haughty wave of his hand, prevented all further
attempt on my part to seek explanation.
"They're all mad, every man of them," I muttered, as I betook byself
slowly back to my rooms, amid the same evidences of mirth my first
appearance had excited--which even the Colonel's presence, feared as
he was, could not entirely subdue.
With the air of a martyr I trod heavily up the stairs, and entered my
quarters, meditating within myself, awful schemes for vengeance, on
the now open tyranny of my Colonel; upon whom, I too, in my honest
rectitude of heart, vowed to have "a court-martial." I threw myself
upon a chair, and endeavoured to recollect what circumstance of the
past evening could have possibly suggested all the mirth in which both
officers and men seemed to participate equally; but nothing could I
remember, capable of solving the mystery,--surely the cruel wrongs of
the manly Othello were no laughter-moving subject.
I rang the bell hastily for my servant. The door opened.
"Stubbes," said I, "are you aware"----
I had only got so far in my question, when my servant, one of the most
discreet of men, put on a broad grin, and turned away towards the door
to hide his face.
"What the devil does this mean?" said I, stamping with passion; "he is
as bad as the rest. Stubbes," and this I spoke with the most grave
and severe tone, "what is the meaning of the insolence?"
"Oh, sir," said the man; "Oh, sir, surely you did not appear on parade
with that face?" and then he burst into a fit of the most
uncontrollable laughter.
Like lightning a horrid doubt shot across my mind. I sprung over to
the dressing-glass, which had been replaced, and oh: horror of
horrors! There I stood as black as the king of Ashantee. The cursed
dye which I had put on for Othello, I had never washed off,--and there
with a huge bear-skin shako, and a pair of black, bushy whiskers,
shone my huge, black, and polished visage, glowering at itself in the
looking-glass.
My first impulse, after amazement had a little subsided, was to laugh
immoderately; in this I was joined by Stubbes, who, feeling that his
mirth was participated in, gave full vent to his risibility. And,
indeed, as I stood before the glass, grinning from ear to ear, I felt
very little surprise that my joining in the laughter of my brother
officers, a short time before, had caused an increase of their
merriment. I threw myself upon a sofa, and absolutely laughed till my
sides ached, when, the door opening, the adjutant made his appearance.
He looked for a moment at me, then at Stubbes, and then burst out
himself, as loud as either of us. When he had at length recovered
himself, he wiped his face with his handkerchief, and said, with a
tone of much gravity:--
"But, my dear Lorrequer, this will be a serious--a devilish serious
affair. You know what kind of man Colonel C____ is; and you are
aware, too, you are not one of his prime favourites. He is firmly
convinced that you intended to insult him, and nothing will convince
him to the contrary. We told him how it must have occurred, but he
will listen to no explanation."
I thought for one second before I replied, my mind, with the practised
rapidity of an old campaigner, took in all the pros and cons of the
case; I saw at a glance, it were better to brave the anger of the
Colonel, come in what shape it might, than be the laughing-stock of
the mess for life, and with a face of the greatest gravity and
self-possession, said,
"Well, adjutant, the Colonel is right. It was no mistake! You know I
sent him tickets yesterday for the theatre. Well, he returned them;
this did not annoy me, but on one account, I had made a wager with
Alderman Gullable, that the Colonel should see me in Othello--what was
to be done? Don't you see, now, there was only one course, and I took
it, old boy, and have won my bet!"
"And lost your commission for a dozen of champagne, I suppose," said
the adjutant.
"Never mind, my dear fellow," I repled; "I shall get out of this
scrape, as I have done many others."
"But what do you intend doing?"
"Oh, as to that," said I, "I shall, of course, wait on the Colonel
immediately; pretend to him that it was a mere blunder, from the
inattention of my servant--hand over Stubbes to the powers that
punish, (here the poor fellow winced a little,) and make my peace as
well as I can. But, adjutant, mind," said I, "and give the real
version to all our fellows, and tell them to make it public as much as
they please."
"Never fear," said he, as he left the room still laughing, "they shall
all know the true story; but I wish with all my heart you were well
out of it."
I now lost no time in making my toilet, and presented myself at the
Colonel's quarters. It is no pleasure for me to recount these
passages in my life, in which I have had to hear the "proud man's
contumely." I shall therefore merely observe, that after a very long
interview, the Colonel accepted my apologies, and we parted.
Before a week elapsed, the story had gone far and near; every
dinner-table in Cork had laughed at it. As for me, I attained
immortal honour for my tact and courage. Poor Gullable readily agreed
to favour the story, and gave us a dinner as the lost wager, and the
Colonel was so unmercifully quizzed on the subject, and such broad
allusions to his being humbugged were given in the Cork papers, that
he was obliged to negociate a change of quarters with another
regiment, to get out of the continual jesting, and in less than a
month we marched to Limerick, to relieve, as it was reported, the 9th,
ordered for foreign service, but, in reality, only to relieve
Lieut.-Colonel C____, quizzed beyond endurance.
However, if the Colonel had seemed to forgive, he did not forget, for
the very second week after our arrival in Limerick, I received one
morning at my breakfast-table, the following brief note from our
adjutant:--
"My Dear Lorrequer--The Colonel has received orders to despatch two
companies to some remote part of the county Clare; as you have 'done
the state some service,' you are selected for the beautiful town of
Kilrush, where, to use the eulogistic language of the geography books,
'there is a good harbour, and a market plentifully supplied with
fish.' I have just heard of the kind intention in store for you, and
lose no time in letting you know.
"God give you a good deliverance from the 'garcons lances,' as the
Moniteur calls the Whiteboys, and believe me ever your's, Charles
Curzon."
I had scarcely twice read over the adjutant's epistle, when I received
an official notification from the Colonel, directing me to proceed to
Kilrush, then and there to afford all aid and assistance in
suppressing illicit distillation, when called on for that purpose; and
other similar duties too agreeable to recapitulate. Alas! Alas!
Othello's occupation: was indeed gone! The next morning at sun-rise
saw me on my march, with what appearance of gaiety I could muster, but
in reality very much chopfallen at my banishment, and invoking sundry
things upon the devoted head of the Colonel, which he would by no
means consider as "blessings."
How short-sighted are we mortals, whether enjoying all the pump and
state of royalty, or marching like myself at the head of a company of
his Majesty's 4_th.
Little, indeed, did I anticipate that the Siberia to which I fancied I
was condemned should turn out the happiest quarters my fate ever threw
me into. But this, including as it does, one of the most important
events of my life, I reserve for another chapter.--
"What is that place called, Sergeant?"--"Bunratty Castle, sir,"
"Where do we breakfast?"--"At Clare Island, sir."
"March away, boys!"