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Ulysses

James Joyce

Section 38 of 74 - Table of Contents
--Say papa, baby. Say pa pa pa pa pa pa pa.

And baby did his level best to say it for he was very intelligent for
eleven months everyone said and big for his age and the picture of health,
a perfect little bunch of love, and he would certainly turn out to be
something great, they said.

--Haja ja ja haja.

Cissy wiped his little mouth with the dribbling bib and wanted him to sit
up properly and say pa pa pa but when she undid the strap she cried out,
holy saint Denis, that he was possing wet and to double the half blanket
the other way under him. Of course his infant majesty was most
obstreperous at such toilet formalities and he let everyone know it:

--Habaa baaaahabaaa baaaa.

And two great big lovely big tears coursing down his cheeks. It was all no
use soothering him with no, nono, baby, no and telling him about the
geegee and where was the puffpuff but Ciss, always readywitted, gave him
in his mouth the teat of the suckingbottle and the young heathen was
quickly appeased.

Gerty wished to goodness they would take their squalling baby home out of
that and not get on her nerves, no hour to be out, and the little brats
of twins. She gazed out towards the distant sea. It was like the paintings
that man used to do on the pavement with all the coloured chalks and such
a pity too leaving them there to be all blotted out, the evening and the
clouds coming out and the Bailey light on Howth and to hear the music like
that and the perfume of those incense they burned in the church like a
kind of waft. And while she gazed her heart went pitapat. Yes, it was her
he was looking at, and there was meaning in his look. His eyes burned into
her as though they would search her through and through, read her very
soul. Wonderful eyes they were, superbly expressive, but could you trust
them? People were so queer. She could see at once by his dark eyes and his
pale intellectual face that he was a foreigner, the image of the photo she
had of Martin Harvey, the matinee idol, only for the moustache which she
preferred because she wasn't stagestruck like Winny Rippingham that
wanted they two to always dress the same on account of a play but she
could not see whether he had an aquiline nose or a slightly RETROUSSE from
where he was sitting. He was in deep mourning, she could see that, and the
story of a haunting sorrow was written on his face. She would have given
worlds to know what it was. He was looking up so intently, so still, and
he saw her kick the ball and perhaps he could see the bright steel buckles
of her shoes if she swung them like that thoughtfully with the toes down.
She was glad that something told her to put on the transparent stockings
thinking Reggy Wylie might be out but that was far away. Here was that of
which she had so often dreamed. It was he who mattered and there was joy
on her face because she wanted him because she felt instinctively that he
was like no-one else. The very heart of the girlwoman went out to him, her
dreamhusband, because she knew on the instant it was him. If he had
suffered, more sinned against than sinning, or even, even, if he had been
himself a sinner, a wicked man, she cared not. Even if he was a protestant
or methodist she could convert him easily if he truly loved her. There
were wounds that wanted healing with heartbalm. She was a womanly woman
not like other flighty girls unfeminine he had known, those cyclists
showing off what they hadn't got and she just yearned to know all, to
forgive all if she could make him fall in love with her, make him forget
the memory of the past. Then mayhap he would embrace her gently, like a
real man, crushing her soft body to him, and love her, his ownest girlie,
for herself alone.

Refuge of sinners. Comfortress of the afflicted. ORA PRO NOBIS. Well
has it been said that whosoever prays to her with faith and constancy can
never be lost or cast away: and fitly is she too a haven of refuge for the
afflicted because of the seven dolours which transpierced her own heart.
Gerty could picture the whole scene in the church, the stained glass
windows lighted up, the candles, the flowers and the blue banners of the
blessed Virgin's sodality and Father Conroy was helping Canon O'Hanlon at
the altar, carrying things in and out with his eyes cast down. He looked
almost a saint and his confessionbox was so quiet and clean and dark and
his hands were just like white wax and if ever she became a Dominican nun
in their white habit perhaps he might come to the convent for the novena
of Saint Dominic. He told her that time when she told him about that in
confession, crimsoning up to the roots of her hair for fear he could see,
not to be troubled because that was only the voice of nature and we were
all subject to nature's laws, he said, in this life and that that was no
sin because that came from the nature of woman instituted by God, he said,
and that Our Blessed Lady herself said to the archangel Gabriel be it done
unto me according to Thy Word. He was so kind and holy and often and often
she thought and thought could she work a ruched teacosy with embroidered
floral design for him as a present or a clock but they had a clock she
noticed on the mantelpiece white and gold with a canarybird that came out
of a little house to tell the time the day she went there about the
flowers for the forty hours' adoration because it was hard to know what
sort of a present to give or perhaps an album of illuminated views of
Dublin or some place.

The exasperating little brats of twins began to quarrel again and Jacky
threw the ball out towards the sea and they both ran after it. Little
monkeys common as ditchwater. Someone ought to take them and give them
a good hiding for themselves to keep them in their places, the both of
them. And Cissy and Edy shouted after them to come back because they
were afraid the tide might come in on them and be drowned.

--Jacky! Tommy!

Not they! What a great notion they had! So Cissy said it was the very
last time she'd ever bring them out. She jumped up and called them and she
ran down the slope past him, tossing her hair behind her which had a good
enough colour if there had been more of it but with all the thingamerry
she was always rubbing into it she couldn't get it to grow long because it
wasn't natural so she could just go and throw her hat at it. She ran
with long gandery strides it was a wonder she didn't rip up her skirt at
the side that was too tight on her because there was a lot of the tomboy
about Cissy Caffrey and she was a forward piece whenever she thought
she had a good opportunity to show and just because she was a good runner
she ran like that so that he could see all the end of her petticoat
running and her skinny shanks up as far as possible. It would have
served her just right if she had tripped up over something accidentally
on purpose with her high crooked French heels on her to make her look
tall and got a fine tumble. TABLEAU! That would have been a very charming
expose for a gentleman like that to witness.

Queen of angels, queen of patriarchs, queen of prophets, of all saints,
they prayed, queen of the most holy rosary and then Father Conroy handed
the thurible to Canon O'Hanlon and he put in the incense and censed the
Blessed Sacrament and Cissy Caffrey caught the two twins and she was
itching to give them a ringing good clip on the ear but she didn't because
she thought he might be watching but she never made a bigger mistake in
all her life because Gerty could see without looking that he never
took his eyes off of her and then Canon O'Hanlon handed the thurible
back to Father Conroy and knelt down looking up at the Blessed Sacrament
and the choir began to sing the TANTUM ERGO and she just swung her foot
in and out in time as the music rose and fell to the TANTUMER GOSA
CRAMEN TUM. Three and eleven she paid for those stockings in Sparrow's
of George's street on the Tuesday, no the Monday before Easter and there
wasn't a brack on them and that was what he was looking at, transparent,
and not at her insignificant ones that had neither shape nor form
(the cheek of her!) because he had eyes in his head to see the difference
for himself.

Cissy came up along the strand with the two twins and their ball with
her hat anyhow on her to one side after her run and she did look a streel
tugging the two kids along with the flimsy blouse she bought only a
fortnight before like a rag on her back and a bit of her petticoat hanging
like a caricature. Gerty just took off her hat for a moment to settle her
hair and a prettier, a daintier head of nutbrown tresses was never seen on
a girl's shoulders--a radiant little vision, in sooth, almost maddening in
its sweetness. You would have to travel many a long mile before you found
a head of hair the like of that. She could almost see the swift answering
flash of admiration in his eyes that set her tingling in every nerve.
She put on her hat so that she could see from underneath the brim and
swung her buckled shoe faster for her breath caught as she caught the
expression in his eyes. He was eying her as a snake eyes its prey. Her
woman's instinct told her that she had raised the devil in him and at the
thought a burning scarlet swept from throat to brow till the lovely colour
of her face became a glorious rose.

Edy Boardman was noticing it too because she was squinting at Gerty,
half smiling, with her specs like an old maid, pretending to nurse the
baby. Irritable little gnat she was and always would be and that was why
no-one could get on with her poking her nose into what was no concern of
hers. And she said to Gerty:

--A penny for your thoughts.

--What? replied Gerty with a smile reinforced by the whitest of teeth.
I was only wondering was it late.

Because she wished to goodness they'd take the snottynosed twins and their
babby home to the mischief out of that so that was why she just gave a
gentle hint about its being late. And when Cissy came up Edy asked her the
time and Miss Cissy, as glib as you like, said it was half past kissing
time, time to kiss again. But Edy wanted to know because they were told to
be in early.

--Wait, said Cissy, I'll run ask my uncle Peter over there what's the time
by his conundrum.

So over she went and when he saw her coming she could see him take his
hand out of his pocket, getting nervous, and beginning to play with his
watchchain, looking up at the church. Passionate nature though he was
Gerty could see that he had enormous control over himself. One moment he
had been there, fascinated by a loveliness that made him gaze, and the
next moment it was the quiet gravefaced gentleman, selfcontrol expressed
in every line of his distinguishedlooking figure.

Cissy said to excuse her would he mind please telling her what was the
right time and Gerty could see him taking out his watch, listening to it
and looking up and clearing his throat and he said he was very sorry his
watch was stopped but he thought it must be after eight because the sun
was set. His voice had a cultured ring in it and though he spoke in
measured accents there was a suspicion of a quiver in the mellow tones.
Cissy said thanks and came back with her tongue out and said uncle said
his waterworks were out of order.

Then they sang the second verse of the TANTUM ERGO and Canon
O'Hanlon got up again and censed the Blessed Sacrament and knelt down and
he told Father Conroy that one of the candles was just going to set fire
to the flowers and Father Conroy got up and settled it all right and she
could see the gentleman winding his watch and listening to the works and
she swung her leg more in and out in time. It was getting darker but he
could see and he was looking all the time that he was winding the watch or
whatever he was doing to it and then he put it back and put his hands back
into his pockets. She felt a kind of a sensation rushing all over her and
she knew by the feel of her scalp and that irritation against her stays
that that thing must be coming on because the last time too was when she
clipped her hair on account of the moon. His dark eyes fixed themselves
on her again drinking in her every contour, literally worshipping at her
shrine. If ever there was undisguised admiration in a man's passionate
gaze it was there plain to be seen on that man's face. It is for you,
Gertrude MacDowell, and you know it.

Edy began to get ready to go and it was high time for her and Gerty
noticed that that little hint she gave had had the desired effect because
it was a long way along the strand to where there was the place to push up
the pushcar and Cissy took off the twins' caps and tidied their hair to
make herself attractive of course and Canon O'Hanlon stood up with his
cope poking up at his neck and Father Conroy handed him the card to read
off and he read out PANEM DE COELO PRAESTITISTI EIS and Edy and Cissy were
talking about the time all the time and asking her but Gerty could pay
them back in their own coin and she just answered with scathing politeness
when Edy asked her was she heartbroken about her best boy throwing her
over. Gerty winced sharply. A brief cold blaze shone from her eyes that
spoke volumes of scorn immeasurable. It hurt--O yes, it cut deep because
Edy had her own quiet way of saying things like that she knew would wound
like the confounded little cat she was. Gerty's lips parted swiftly to
frame the word but she fought back the sob that rose to her throat,
so slim, so flawless, so beautifully moulded it seemed one an artist
might have dreamed of. She had loved him better than he knew.
Lighthearted deceiver and fickle like all his sex he would never
understand what he had meant to her and for an instant there was
in the blue eyes a quick stinging of tears. Their eyes were
probing her mercilessly but with a brave effort she sparkled back in
sympathy as she glanced at her new conquest for them to see.

--O, responded Gerty, quick as lightning, laughing, and the proud head
flashed up. I can throw my cap at who I like because it's leap year.

Her words rang out crystalclear, more musical than the cooing of the
ringdove, but they cut the silence icily. There was that in her young
voice that told that she was not a one to be lightly trifled with.
As for Mr Reggy with his swank and his bit of money she could just
chuck him aside as if he was so much filth and never again would she
cast as much as a second thought on him and tear his silly postcard
into a dozen pieces. And if ever after he dared to presume she
could give him one look of measured scorn that would make him
shrivel up on the spot. Miss puny little Edy's countenance fell to
no slight extent and Gerty could see by her looking as black as
thunder that she was simply in a towering rage though she hid it, the
little kinnatt, because that shaft had struck home for her petty jealousy
and they both knew that she was something aloof, apart, in another sphere,
that she was not of them and never would be and there was somebody else
too that knew it and saw it so they could put that in their pipe
and smoke it.

Edy straightened up baby Boardman to get ready to go and Cissy
tucked in the ball and the spades and buckets and it was high time too
because the sandman was on his way for Master Boardman junior. And
Cissy told him too that billy winks was coming and that baby was to go
deedaw and baby looked just too ducky, laughing up out of his gleeful
eyes, and Cissy poked him like that out of fun in his wee fat tummy and
baby, without as much as by your leave, sent up his compliments to all
and sundry on to his brandnew dribbling bib.

--O my! Puddeny pie! protested Ciss. He has his bib destroyed.

The slight CONTRETEMPS claimed her attention but in two twos she set
that little matter to rights.

Gerty stifled a smothered exclamation and gave a nervous cough and
Edy asked what and she was just going to tell her to catch it while it was
flying but she was ever ladylike in her deportment so she simply passed it
off with consummate tact by saying that that was the benediction because
just then the bell rang out from the steeple over the quiet seashore
because Canon O'Hanlon was up on the altar with the veil that Father
Conroy put round his shoulders giving the benediction with the Blessed
Sacrament in his hands.

How moving the scene there in the gathering twilight, the last glimpse of
Erin, the touching chime of those evening bells and at the same time a bat
flew forth from the ivied belfry through the dusk, hither, thither, with a
tiny lost cry. And she could see far away the lights of the lighthouses so
picturesque she would have loved to do with a box of paints because it was
easier than to make a man and soon the lamplighter would be going his
rounds past the presbyterian church grounds and along by shady
Tritonville avenue where the couples walked and lighting the lamp near her
window where Reggy Wylie used to turn his freewheel like she read in that
book THE LAMPLIGHTER by Miss Cummins, author of MABEL VAUGHAN and
other tales. For Gerty had her dreams that no-one knew of. She loved to
read poetry and when she got a keepsake from Bertha Supple of that lovely
confession album with the coralpink cover to write her thoughts in she
laid it in the drawer of her toilettable which, though it did not err
on the side of luxury, was scrupulously neat and clean. It was there
she kept her girlish treasure trove, the tortoiseshell combs, her
child of Mary badge, the whiterose scent, the eyebrowleine, her
alabaster pouncetbox and the ribbons to change when her things came
home from the wash and there were some beautiful thoughts written
in it in violet ink that she bought in Hely's of Dame Street for
she felt that she too could write poetry if she could only express
herself like that poem that appealed to her so deeply that she had
copied out of the newspaper she found one evening round the potherbs. ART
THOU REAL, MY IDEAL? it was called by Louis J Walsh, Magherafelt, and
after there was something about TWILIGHT, WILT THOU EVER? and ofttimes
the beauty of poetry, so sad in its transient loveliness, had misted
her eyes with silent tears for she felt that the years were slipping
by for her, one by one, and but for that one shortcoming she knew she
need fear no competition and that was an accident coming down Dalkey
hill and she always tried to conceal it. But it must end, she felt.
If she saw that magic lure in his eyes there would be no holding
back for her. Love laughs at locksmiths. She would make the great
sacrifice. Her every effort would be to share his thoughts. Dearer than
the whole world would she be to him and gild his days with happiness.
There was the allimportant question and she was dying to know was he a
married man or a widower who had lost his wife or some tragedy like the
nobleman with the foreign name from the land of song had to have her put
into a madhouse, cruel only to be kind. But even if--what then? Would it
make a very great difference? From everything in the least indelicate her
finebred nature instinctively recoiled. She loathed that sort of person,
the fallen women off the accommodation walk beside the Dodder that went
with the soldiers and coarse men with no respect for a girl's honour,
degrading the sex and being taken up to the police station. No, no: not
that. They would be just good friends like a big brother and sister
without all that other in spite of the conventions of Society with a big
ess. Perhaps it was an old flame he was in mourning for from the days
beyond recall. She thought she understood. She would try to understand
him because men were so different. The old love was waiting, waiting
with little white hands stretched out, with blue appealing eyes. Heart
of mine! She would follow, her dream of love, the dictates of her heart
that told her he was her all in all, the only man in all the world
for her for love was the master guide. Nothing else mattered. Come what
might she would be wild, untrammelled, free.
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