Section 31 of 74 - Table of Contents
So we turned into Barney Kiernan's and there, sure enough, was the citizen
up in the corner having a great confab with himself and that bloody
mangy mongrel, Garryowen, and he waiting for what the sky would drop
in the way of drink.
--There he is, says I, in his gloryhole, with his cruiskeen lawn and his
load of papers, working for the cause.
The bloody mongrel let a grouse out of him would give you the creeps. Be
a corporal work of mercy if someone would take the life of that
bloody dog. I'm told for a fact he ate a good part of the breeches off a
constabulary man in Santry that came round one time with a blue paper
about a licence.
--Stand and deliver, says he.
--That's all right, citizen, says Joe. Friends here.
--Pass, friends, says he.
Then he rubs his hand in his eye and says he:
--What's your opinion of the times?
Doing the rapparee and Rory of the hill. But, begob, Joe was equal to
the occasion.
--I think the markets are on a rise, says he, sliding his hand down his
fork.
So begob the citizen claps his paw on his knee and he says:
--Foreign wars is the cause of it.
And says Joe, sticking his thumb in his pocket:
--It's the Russians wish to tyrannise.
--Arrah, give over your bloody codding, Joe, says I. I've a thirst on me I
wouldn't sell for half a crown.
--Give it a name, citizen, says Joe.
--Wine of the country, says he.
--What's yours? says Joe.
--Ditto MacAnaspey, says I.
--Three pints, Terry, says Joe. And how's the old heart, citizen? says he.
--Never better, A CHARA, says he. What Garry? Are we going to win? Eh?
And with that he took the bloody old towser by the scruff of the neck
and, by Jesus, he near throttled him.
The figure seated on a large boulder at the foot of a round tower
was that of a broadshouldered deepchested stronglimbed frankeyed
redhaired freelyfreckled shaggybearded widemouthed largenosed
longheaded deepvoiced barekneed brawnyhanded hairylegged ruddyfaced
sinewyarmed hero. From shoulder to shoulder he measured several ells and
his rocklike mountainous knees were covered, as was likewise the rest of
his body wherever visible, with a strong growth of tawny prickly hair in
hue and toughness similar to the mountain gorse (ULEX EUROPEUS). The
widewinged nostrils, from which bristles of the same tawny hue projected,
were of such capaciousness that within their cavernous obscurity the
fieldlark might easily have lodged her nest. The eyes in which a tear and
a smile strove ever for the mastery were of the dimensions of a goodsized
cauliflower. A powerful current of warm breath issued at regular intervals
from the profound cavity of his mouth while in rhythmic resonance the
loud strong hale reverberations of his formidable heart thundered
rumblingly causing the ground, the summit of the lofty tower and the still
loftier walls of the cave to vibrate and tremble.
He wore a long unsleeved garment of recently flayed oxhide reaching to the
knees in a loose kilt and this was bound about his middle by a girdle of
plaited straw and rushes. Beneath this he wore trews of deerskin, roughly
stitched with gut. His nether extremities were encased in high Balbriggan
buskins dyed in lichen purple, the feet being shod with brogues of salted
cowhide laced with the windpipe of the same beast. From his girdle hung a
row of seastones which jangled at every movement of his portentous frame
and on these were graven with rude yet striking art the tribal images of
many Irish heroes and heroines of antiquity, Cuchulin, Conn of hundred
battles, Niall of nine hostages, Brian of Kincora, the ardri Malachi, Art
MacMurragh, Shane O'Neill, Father John Murphy, Owen Roe, Patrick
Sarsfield, Red Hugh O'Donnell, Red Jim MacDermott, Soggarth Eoghan
O'Growney, Michael Dwyer, Francy Higgins, Henry Joy M'Cracken,
Goliath, Horace Wheatley, Thomas Conneff, Peg Woffington, the Village
Blacksmith, Captain Moonlight, Captain Boycott, Dante Alighieri,
Christopher Columbus, S. Fursa, S. Brendan, Marshal MacMahon,
Charlemagne, Theobald Wolfe Tone, the Mother of the Maccabees, the Last
of the Mohicans, the Rose of Castile, the Man for Galway, The Man that
Broke the Bank at Monte Carlo, The Man in the Gap, The Woman Who
Didn't, Benjamin Franklin, Napoleon Bonaparte, John L. Sullivan,
Cleopatra, Savourneen Deelish, Julius Caesar, Paracelsus, sir Thomas
Lipton, William Tell, Michelangelo Hayes, Muhammad, the Bride of
Lammermoor, Peter the Hermit, Peter the Packer, Dark Rosaleen, Patrick
W. Shakespeare, Brian Confucius, Murtagh Gutenberg, Patricio
Velasquez, Captain Nemo, Tristan and Isolde, the first Prince of Wales,
Thomas Cook and Son, the Bold Soldier Boy, Arrah na Pogue, Dick
Turpin, Ludwig Beethoven, the Colleen Bawn, Waddler Healy, Angus the
Culdee, Dolly Mount, Sidney Parade, Ben Howth, Valentine Greatrakes,
Adam and Eve, Arthur Wellesley, Boss Croker, Herodotus, Jack the
Giantkiller, Gautama Buddha, Lady Godiva, The Lily of Killarney, Balor
of the Evil Eye, the Queen of Sheba, Acky Nagle, Joe Nagle, Alessandro
Volta, Jeremiah O'Donovan Rossa, Don Philip O'Sullivan Beare. A
couched spear of acuminated granite rested by him while at his feet
reposed a savage animal of the canine tribe whose stertorous gasps
announced that he was sunk in uneasy slumber, a supposition confirmed by
hoarse growls and spasmodic movements which his master repressed from time
to time by tranquilising blows of a mighty cudgel rudely fashioned out of
paleolithic stone.
So anyhow Terry brought the three pints Joe was standing and begob
the sight nearly left my eyes when I saw him land out a quid O, as true as
I'm telling you. A goodlooking sovereign.
--And there's more where that came from, says he.
--Were you robbing the poorbox, Joe? says I.
--Sweat of my brow, says Joe. 'Twas the prudent member gave me the wheeze.
--I saw him before I met you, says I, sloping around by Pill lane and
Greek street with his cod's eye counting up all the guts of the fish.
Who comes through Michan's land, bedight in sable armour? O'Bloom,
the son of Rory: it is he. Impervious to fear is Rory's son: he
of the prudent soul.
--For the old woman of Prince's street, says the citizen, the subsidised
organ. The pledgebound party on the floor of the house. And look at this
blasted rag, says he. Look at this, says he. THE IRISH INDEPENDENT, if you
please, founded by Parnell to be the workingman's friend. Listen to the
births and deaths in the IRISH ALL FOR IRELAND INDEPENDENT, and I'll thank
you and the marriages.
And he starts reading them out:
--Gordon, Barnfield crescent, Exeter; Redmayne of Iffley, Saint Anne's on
Sea: the wife of William T Redmayne of a son. How's that, eh? Wright and
Flint, Vincent and Gillett to Rotha Marion daughter of Rosa and the late
George Alfred Gillett, 179 Clapham road, Stockwell, Playwood and
Ridsdale at Saint Jude's, Kensington by the very reverend Dr Forrest, dean
of Worcester. Eh? Deaths. Bristow, at Whitehall lane, London: Carr, Stoke
Newington, of gastritis and heart disease: Cockburn, at the Moat house,
Chepstow ...
--I know that fellow, says Joe, from bitter experience.
--Cockburn. Dimsey, wife of David Dimsey, late of the admiralty: Miller,
Tottenham, aged eightyfive: Welsh, June 12, at 35 Canning street,
Liverpool, Isabella Helen. How's that for a national press, eh, my brown
son! How's that for Martin Murphy, the Bantry jobber?
--Ah, well, says Joe, handing round the boose. Thanks be to God they had
the start of us. Drink that, citizen.
--I will, says he, honourable person.
--Health, Joe, says I. And all down the form.
Ah! Ow! Don't be talking! I was blue mouldy for the want of that
pint. Declare to God I could hear it hit the pit of my stomach with a
click.
And lo, as they quaffed their cup of joy, a godlike messenger came
swiftly in, radiant as the eye of heaven, a comely youth and behind him
there passed an elder of noble gait and countenance, bearing the sacred
scrolls of law and with him his lady wife a dame of peerless lineage,
fairest of her race.
Little Alf Bergan popped in round the door and hid behind Barney's
snug, squeezed up with the laughing. And who was sitting up there in the
corner that I hadn't seen snoring drunk blind to the world only Bob Doran.
I didn't know what was up and Alf kept making signs out of the door. And
begob what was it only that bloody old pantaloon Denis Breen in his
bathslippers with two bloody big books tucked under his oxter and the wife
hotfoot after him, unfortunate wretched woman, trotting like a poodle. I
thought Alf would split.
--Look at him, says he. Breen. He's traipsing all round Dublin with a
postcard someone sent him with U. p: up on it to take a li ...
And he doubled up.
--Take a what? says I.
--Libel action, says he, for ten thousand pounds.
--O hell! says I.
The bloody mongrel began to growl that'd put the fear of God in you
seeing something was up but the citizen gave him a kick in the ribs.
--BI I DHO HUSHT, says he.
--Who? says Joe.
--Breen, says Alf. He was in John Henry Menton's and then he went round
to Collis and Ward's and then Tom Rochford met him and sent him round
to the subsheriff's for a lark. O God, I've a pain laughing. U. p: up. The
long fellow gave him an eye as good as a process and now the bloody old
lunatic is gone round to Green street to look for a G man.
--When is long John going to hang that fellow in Mountjoy? says Joe.
--Bergan, says Bob Doran, waking up. Is that Alf Bergan?
--Yes, says Alf. Hanging? Wait till I show you. Here, Terry, give us a
pony. That bloody old fool! Ten thousand pounds. You should have seen long
John's eye. U. p ...
And he started laughing.
--Who are you laughing at? says Bob Doran. Is that Bergan?
--Hurry up, Terry boy, says Alf.
Terence O'Ryan heard him and straightway brought him a crystal
cup full of the foamy ebon ale which the noble twin brothers Bungiveagh
and Bungardilaun brew ever in their divine alevats, cunning as the sons of
deathless Leda. For they garner the succulent berries of the hop and mass
and sift and bruise and brew them and they mix therewith sour juices and
bring the must to the sacred fire and cease not night or day from their
toil, those cunning brothers, lords of the vat.
Then did you, chivalrous Terence, hand forth, as to the manner born,
that nectarous beverage and you offered the crystal cup to him that
thirsted, the soul of chivalry, in beauty akin to the immortals.
But he, the young chief of the O'Bergan's, could ill brook to be outdone
in generous deeds but gave therefor with gracious gesture a testoon
of costliest bronze. Thereon embossed in excellent smithwork was seen the
image of a queen of regal port, scion of the house of Brunswick, Victoria
her name, Her Most Excellent Majesty, by grace of God of the United
Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland and of the British dominions beyond
the sea, queen, defender of the faith, Empress of India, even she, who
bore rule, a victress over many peoples, the wellbeloved, for they knew
and loved her from the rising of the sun to the going down thereof, the
pale, the dark, the ruddy and the ethiop.
--What's that bloody freemason doing, says the citizen, prowling up and
down outside?
--What's that? says Joe.
--Here you are, says Alf, chucking out the rhino. Talking about hanging,
I'll show you something you never saw. Hangmen's letters. Look at here.
So he took a bundle of wisps of letters and envelopes out of his pocket.
--Are you codding? says I.
--Honest injun, says Alf. Read them.
So Joe took up the letters.
--Who are you laughing at? says Bob Doran.
So I saw there was going to be a bit of a dust Bob's a queer chap
when the porter's up in him so says I just to make talk:
--How's Willy Murray those times, Alf?
--I don't know, says Alf I saw him just now in Capel street with Paddy
Dignam. Only I was running after that ...
--You what? says Joe, throwing down the letters. With who?
--With Dignam, says Alf.
--Is it Paddy? says Joe.
--Yes, says Alf. Why?
--Don't you know he's dead? says Joe.
--Paddy Dignam dead! says Alf.
--Ay, says Joe.
--Sure I'm after seeing him not five minutes ago, says Alf, as plain as a
pikestaff.
--Who's dead? says Bob Doran.
--You saw his ghost then, says Joe, God between us and harm.
--What? says Alf. Good Christ, only five ... What? ... And Willy Murray
with him, the two of them there near whatdoyoucallhim's ... What?
Dignam dead?
--What about Dignam? says Bob Doran. Who's talking about... ?
--Dead! says Alf. He's no more dead than you are.
--Maybe so, says Joe. They took the liberty of burying him this morning
anyhow.
--Paddy? says Alf.
--Ay, says Joe. He paid the debt of nature, God be merciful to him.
--Good Christ! says Alf.
Begob he was what you might call flabbergasted.
In the darkness spirit hands were felt to flutter and when prayer by
tantras had been directed to the proper quarter a faint but increasing
luminosity of ruby light became gradually visible, the apparition of the
etheric double being particularly lifelike owing to the discharge of jivic
rays from the crown of the head and face. Communication was effected
through the pituitary body and also by means of the orangefiery and
scarlet rays emanating from the sacral region and solar plexus. Questioned
by his earthname as to his whereabouts in the heavenworld he stated that
he was now on the path of pr l ya or return but was still submitted to
trial at the hands of certain bloodthirsty entities on the lower astral
levels. In reply to a question as to his first sensations in the great
divide beyond he stated that previously he had seen as in a glass darkly
but that those who had passed over had summit possibilities of atmic
development opened up to them. Interrogated as to whether life there
resembled our experience in the flesh he stated that he had heard from
more favoured beings now in the spirit that their abodes were equipped
with every modern home comfort such as talafana, alavatar, hatakalda,
wataklasat and that the highest adepts were steeped in waves of volupcy
of the very purest nature. Having requested a quart of buttermilk this was
brought and evidently afforded relief. Asked if he had any message
for the living he exhorted all who were still at the wrong side of Maya
to acknowledge the true path for it was reported in devanic circles that
Mars and Jupiter were out for mischief on the eastern angle where the
ram has power. It was then queried whether there were any special
desires on the part of the defunct and the reply was: WE GREET YOU,
FRIENDS OF EARTH, WHO ARE STILL IN THE BODY. MIND C. K. DOESN'T PILE IT
ON. It was ascertained that the reference was to Mr Cornelius Kelleher,
manager of Messrs H. J. O'Neill's popular funeral establishment, a
personal friend of the defunct, who had been responsible for the carrying
out of the interment arrangements. Before departing he requested that it
should be told to his dear son Patsy that the other boot which he had been
looking for was at present under the commode in the return room and that
the pair should be sent to Cullen's to be soled only as the heels were
still good. He stated that this had greatly perturbed his peace of mind in
the other region and earnestly requested that his desire should be made
known.
Assurances were given that the matter would be attended to and it was
intimated that this had given satisfaction.
He is gone from mortal haunts: O'Dignam, sun of our morning. Fleet
was his foot on the bracken: Patrick of the beamy brow. Wail, Banba, with
your wind: and wail, O ocean, with your whirlwind.
--There he is again, says the citizen, staring out.
--Who? says I.
--Bloom, says he. He's on point duty up and down there for the last ten
minutes.
And, begob, I saw his physog do a peep in and then slidder off again.
Little Alf was knocked bawways. Faith, he was.
--Good Christ! says he. I could have sworn it was him.
And says Bob Doran, with the hat on the back of his poll, lowest
blackguard in Dublin when he's under the influence:
--Who said Christ is good?
--I beg your parsnips, says Alf.
--Is that a good Christ, says Bob Doran, to take away poor little Willy
Dignam?
--Ah, well, says Alf, trying to pass it off. He's over all his troubles.
But Bob Doran shouts out of him.
--He's a bloody ruffian, I say, to take away poor little Willy Dignam.
Terry came down and tipped him the wink to keep quiet, that they
didn't want that kind of talk in a respectable licensed premises. And Bob
Doran starts doing the weeps about Paddy Dignam, true as you're there.
--The finest man, says he, snivelling, the finest purest character.
The tear is bloody near your eye. Talking through his bloody hat.
Fitter for him go home to the little sleepwalking bitch he married,
Mooney, the bumbailiff's daughter, mother kept a kip in Hardwicke street,
that used to be stravaging about the landings Bantam Lyons told me that
was stopping there at two in the morning without a stitch on her, exposing
her person, open to all comers, fair field and no favour.
--The noblest, the truest, says he. And he's gone, poor little Willy, poor
little Paddy Dignam.
And mournful and with a heavy heart he bewept the extinction of that
beam of heaven.
Old Garryowen started growling again at Bloom that was skeezing
round the door.
--Come in, come on, he won't eat you, says the citizen.
So Bloom slopes in with his cod's eye on the dog and he asks Terry
was Martin Cunningham there.
--O, Christ M'Keown, says Joe, reading one of the letters. Listen to this,
will you?
And he starts reading out one.
7 HUNTER STREET, LIVERPOOL.
TO THE HIGH SHERIFF OF DUBLIN, DUBLIN.
HONOURED SIR I BEG TO OFFER MY SERVICES IN THE ABOVEMENTIONED PAINFUL
CASE I HANGED JOE GANN IN BOOTLE JAIL ON THE 12 OF FEBUARY 1900 AND I
HANGED ...
--Show us, Joe, says I.
-- ... PRIVATE ARTHUR CHACE FOR FOWL MURDER OF JESSIE TILSIT IN
PENTONVILLE PRISON AND I WAS ASSISTANT WHEN ...
--Jesus, says I.
-- ... BILLINGTON EXECUTED THE AWFUL MURDERER TOAD SMITH ...
The citizen made a grab at the letter.
--Hold hard, says Joe, I HAVE A SPECIAL NACK OF PUTTING THE NOOSE ONCE IN
HE CAN'T GET OUT HOPING TO BE FAVOURED I REMAIN, HONOURED SIR, MY TERMS IS
FIVE GINNEES.
H. RUMBOLD,
MASTER BARBER.
--And a barbarous bloody barbarian he is too, says the citizen.
--And the dirty scrawl of the wretch, says Joe. Here, says he, take them
to hell out of my sight, Alf. Hello, Bloom, says he, what will you have?
So they started arguing about the point, Bloom saying he wouldn't
and he couldn't and excuse him no offence and all to that and then he said
well he'd just take a cigar. Gob, he's a prudent member and no mistake.
--Give us one of your prime stinkers, Terry, says Joe.
And Alf was telling us there was one chap sent in a mourning card
with a black border round it.
--They're all barbers, says he, from the black country that would hang
their own fathers for five quid down and travelling expenses.
And he was telling us there's two fellows waiting below to pull his
heels down when he gets the drop and choke him properly and then they
chop up the rope after and sell the bits for a few bob a skull.
In the dark land they bide, the vengeful knights of the razor. Their
deadly coil they grasp: yea, and therein they lead to Erebus whatsoever
wight hath done a deed of blood for I will on nowise suffer it even so
saith the Lord.
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