- I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

- It's not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems longer.

- Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.

- A man was complaining to a friend: 'I had it all - money, a beautiful house,a big car, the love of a beautiful woman; then, Pow! it was all gone!' 'What happened?' asked the friend. 'My wife found out..'

- Wife: Let's go out and have some fun tonight. Husband: Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway light on.

- A man rushes into his house and yells to his wife, 'Martha, pack up your things! I just won the California lottery!' Martha replies, 'Shall I pack for warm weather or cold?' The man responds, 'I don't care. Just so long as you're out of the house by noon!'

- Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street bald and still think they are beautiful!

- I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months - I don't like to interrupt her.

- If your wife and a lawyer were drowning and you had to choose, would you go to lunch or to a movie?

- A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.