Meteorologists say 90 percent of the Great Lakes are frozen over. People from Chicago are being urged to stay off the frozen lakes, but if you want to see someone from Chicago in thin ice, just go to the White House. Craig Ferguson
One of the worse days in high school was taking the SATs because that determined your future. Low SAT scores can haunt you for the rest of your life. It happened to me. That's why I didn't get "The Tonight Show." David Letterman
Today is the second day of the 40-day Catholic holiday of Lent. You know what I'm giving up this year? The 40-day Catholic holiday of Lent. Conan O'Brien
An anchor for Russia's state-owned news channel quit on live TV yesterday, saying that she doesn’t agree with the network's support of Vladimir Putin. In response, Putin sent her somewhere no one will ever see her again — CNN. Jimmy Fallon
Philosophy is a game with objectives and no rules. Mathematics is a game with rules and no objectives.
Q. Why did the three little pigs decide to leave home? A. They thought their father was an awful boar.