While carpenters were working outside the old house I had just bought, I busied myself with indoor cleaning. I had just finished washing the floor when one of the workmen asked to use the bathroom.
With dismay I looked from his muddy boots to my ...
A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter.
"What are you doing?" she asked.
"Hunting Flies," he responded.
"Oh!, Killed any?" she asked.
"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied.
Intrigued, she asked....
NASA was interviewing professionals they were thinking of sending to Mars. The touchy part was that only one guy could go and it would be a one-way trip, the guy not ever returning to Earth.
The interviewer asked the first applicant, an engineer,...
*You've worn out the handle on your favorite coffee mug
*You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee
*You've worn the finish off you coffee table
*The Taster's Choice couple wants to adopt you
*Starbuck's owns the mortgage on your house
*...
On Saturday, the West Wing of the White House was evacuated when an overheated transformer set off a smoke alarm. Or as Obama put it, ‘Yeah, definitely check out that crazy transformer. Kind of smells like Marlboro Lights.’
Jimmy Fallon
Folks this proves that everything I’ve ever said about Obama is true. It’s official. He’s a secret Muslim, shape-shifting alien from Kenya who is coming for our guns. And Bo is a member of the Illuminati.
Stephen Colbert