China is hosting something called a World Cup soccer tournament for robots called “RoboCup 2015,” and the engineers' goal is for robots to face humans in the real World Cup by 2050. Then robots said, “Oh no, you'll be long gone by then.”
A new poll also shows that a majority of people in Colorado think Hillary Clinton is not trustworthy. Although, that's not saying much coming from the most paranoid state in America. "Hillary Clinton? She's a cop?"
One GOP Congressman named Carlos Curbelo actually suggested that Donald Trump may be a “phantom candidate” that has been planted by the Democrats. The DNC strongly denied this – while Hillary said, “Crap, they figured it out! Take off the wig, Bill.”
Donald Trump has been all over the news this week, but he’s still struggling to be seen as a legitimate candidate by Republicans. In fact, now Trump is threatening to start campaigning as a third-party candidate if the Republican Party doesn’t become more supportive. Of course, a lot of Republicans say you need to give respect to get respect...Read more
"Not to worry, the man who was shot left the hospital today, and they said he was in good condition -- a little gamey, but still moist." --Bill Maher
"More problems for the White House. Convicted lobbyist Jack Abramoff said he met with President Bush almost a dozen times, contradicting the White House claims that Bush didn't know him. In ...Read more
There are lots of ways to ruin a date. Here are a few things NOT to say on a date...
I really don't like this restaurant that much, but I wanted to use this 2-for-1 coupon before it expired.
I refuse to get cable. That's how they keep tabs on you.
I used to come here all the time with my ex.
Could you excuse me? My cat gets lonely if he ...Read more
A man walks into a bar has a few drinks and asks what his tab was. The bartender replies that it is twenty dollars plus tip. The guy says, "I'll bet you my tab double or nothing that I can bite my eye." The bartender accepts the bet, and the guy pulls out his glass eye and bites it.
He has a few more drinks and asks for his bill again. The ...Read more
Sheri, the pert and pretty nurse took her troubles to a resident psychiatrist in the hospital where she worked. "Doctor, you must help me," she pleaded. "It's gotten so that every time I meet one of the young doctors here, I end up dating him. And then afterward, I feel guilty and depressed for a week."
"I see," nodded the psychiatrist. "...Read more
B: The Tale of the Halloween CatD.L. Luke
The night before Halloween in Hoboken, New Jersey, the Willow Witch summons Bernard, nicknamed B, and eight other strays to enter in the Black Cat Contest. Each contestant must find three ingredients for her witch’s brew. When the trials are complete, aye on Halloween night, the winner will...
A young couple were on their honeymoon. The husband was sitting in the bathroom on the edge of the bathtub saying to himself, "Now how can I tell my wife that I've got really smelly feet and that my socks absolutely stink? I've managed to keep it from her while we were dating, but she's bound to find out sooner or later that my feet stink. ...Read more
The Museum of the Moving Image in New York is opening a new exhibit dedicated to cats that are famous on the internet. So if you love the internet, and you love cats, you’re probably not making it out of the house.
Presidential hopeful Rick Perry yesterday accused Donald Trump of “demagoguery,” and said that he must be “excised and discarded.” So one thing is clear: somebody got Rick Perry a word-of-the-day calendar.
Republican candidate Ben Carson told reporters he thinks American prisons might be too comfortable. As opposed to Mexican prisons that have personal showers with $5 million escape tunnels.
Republican candidate George Pataki said his dogs would give him the best endorsement for becoming our next president. Until they hear Chris Christie always carries bacon in his pockets. Joke's on them, though, he’s never going to give them any of that pocket bacon. It’s what gets him through long meetings!
WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.
BEER: It's not just for breakfast anymore.
So you're a feminist...Isn't that cute.
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
All men are idiots....I married their king.
IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
Reality is a crutch ...Read more
Little Bobby was spending the weekend with his grandmother after a particularly trying week in kindergarten. His grandmother decided to take him to the park on Saturday morning. It had been snowing all night and everything was beautiful.
His grandmother remarked..."doesn't it look like an artist painted this scenery? Did you know God ...Read more
One day, a Mechanical Engineer, Electrical Engineer, Chemical Engineer and Computer Engineer were driving down the street in the same car.
The car broke down.
The Mechanical Engineer said, "I think a rod broke."
The Chemical Engineer said, "The way it sputtered at the end, I don't think it's getting gas."
The Electrical Engineer said, "I ...Read more
A couple had been debating the purchase of a new auto for weeks. He wanted a new truck. She wanted a fast little sports-like car so she could zip through traffic around town. He would probably have settled on any beat up old truck, but everything she seemed to like was way out of their price range.
"Look!" she said. "I want something that ...Read more
One of my daughter's wedding presents was a toaster oven. Soon after the honeymoon, she and her husband tried it out. Almost immediately, smoke billowed out of the toaster. "Get the owner's manual!" her husband shouted.
"I can't find it anywhere!" she cried, searching through the box.
"Oops!" came a voice from the kitchen. "Well, the toast ...Read more
A first-time father was taking a turn at feeding the baby some strained peas. Naturally, there were traces of the food everywhere, especially on the infant.
His wife comes in, looks at the infant, then at her husband staring into space, then says, "What in the world are you doing?"
He replied, "I'm waiting for the first coat to dry, so I ...Read more
One day, shortly after the birth of their new baby, the mother had to go out to do some errands, so the proud father stayed home to watch his wonderful new son.
Soon after the mother left, the baby started to cry. The father did everything he could think of, but the baby just wouldn't stop crying. Finally, the dad got so worried he decided...Read more