I do think Donald Trump is honest in his own way. He is honestly an egomaniacal billionaire.
More of Hillary Clinton's e-mails were just released, and one shows that she had made a list of talking points for a trip to L.A. in case she ran into Ellen DeGeneres, which is ironic because Bill does the same thing in case he runs into Hillary.
I read that Donald Trump's hotel chain may have experienced a data breach that may have exposed people's debit and credit card information to hackers for more than a year. When asked how he planned on fixing the situation, Trump was like, "I'm going to build a huge firewall."
In March 1992 a man living in Newtown near Boston Massachusetts received a bill for his as yet unused credit card stating that he owed $0.00. He ignored it and threw it away.
In April he received another and threw that one away too. The following month the credit card company sent him a very nasty note stating they were going to cancel his card...Read more
A young woman who was several months pregnant boarded a bus. Then she noticed a young man smiling at her, and she began feeling humiliated on account of her condition. She changed her seat and he seemed more amused. She moved again and then on her fourth move he burst out laughing.
She had him arrested for harassing her.
Then the case came ...Read more
A three-year-old boy went with his dad to see a new litter of kittens.
On returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother, "There were two boy kittens and two girl kittens."
"How did you know that?" his mother asked.
"Daddy picked them up and looked underneath," he replied. "I think it's printed on the bottom."
A blonde goes for a job interview in an office. The interviewer starts with the basics. "So, miss, can you tell us your age, please?"
The blonde counts carefully on her fingers for about 30 seconds before replying "Ehhhh... 22!"
The interviewer tries another straightforward one to break the ice. "And can you tell us your height, please?"
The ...Read more
The Knights of Juzhani: The Emerald of the Black CaveBrandon Young
Jimmy is an ordinary kid who is a senior in high school. Except for being a black belt, he is an average kid in every respect, with the same hopes and angst. Little does he know that his life is about to change, starting with his discovery of a strange emerald during his class’s field trip ...
- Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
- The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
- I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
- Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
- I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don'...Read more
Today is the day all candidates have to report to the Federal Election Commission how much money they've received in the past three months. The big news is that Vermont senator and rooftop beekeeper Bernie Sanders took in a whopping $26 million. That's more than twice as much money as Jeb Bush pulled in, even though this summer I gave Jeb Bush $...Read more
A processing company that supplies chicken to KFC was fined this week after an employee lost two fingertips while on the job. Which explains their new slogan, “It’s Finger Losin’ Good!”
A word association poll found the words most associated with Donald Trump are idiot, jerk, stupid, and dumb. In other words, he really could be our next president. He's got everything it takes.
Much to the dismay of many Republicans, a new report said Donald Trump is still leading in the polls, and one voter was quoted as saying, “Unfortunately, I'm leaning toward Trump.” Even worse, that voter was Jeb Bush.
If an infinite number of rednecks riding in an infinite number of pickup trucks fire an infinite number of shotgun rounds at an infinite number of highway signs, they will eventually produce all the world's great literary works in Braille.
- I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...
- I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
- Who me? I just wander from room to room.
- My toys! My toys! I can't do this job without my toys!
- It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy.
- At least I have a positive attitude about my ...Read more
"Last night was the season finale of 'West Wing.' 'West Wing' is gone. And ABC has cancelled 'Commander In Chief.' So, now the only fictional president is Bush." --David Letterman
"In his speech, he outlined a plan to start patrolling the U.S.-Mexican border using members of the National Guard. He said this will give us the most secure ...Read more
A guy is walking past a big wooden fence at the insane asylum and he hears all the residents inside chanting, "Thirteen! Thirteen! Thirteen!
Quite curious about this, he finds a hole in the fence, and looks in. Someone inside pokes him in the eye. Then everyone inside the asylum starts chanting, "Fourteen! Fourteen! Fourteen!"
- I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
- I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
- It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of karma to burn off.
- Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
- No, my powers can only be used for good.
- How about never? Is never good for ...Read more
A man goes out and buys the best car available in the US or Europe, a 1997 Turbo BeepBeep. It is the best and most expensive car in the world, and it runs him $500,000. He takes it out for a spin and, while doing so, stops for a red light. An old man on a moped, both looking about 90 years old, pulls up next to him.
The old man looks over ...Read more
The quantity of consonants in the English language is constant. If omitted in one place, they turn up in another. When a Bostonian "pahks" his "cah," the lost "r's" migrate southwest, causing a Texan to "warsh" his car and invest in "erl wells."