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Late Night Funny #4

Humor / Jokes /

They did a nationwide survey that found that when voters think of Donald Trump, the most common word that comes to mind is "Arrogant." When the same voters think of Hillary Clinton, the most common word they use is "Liar." When they think of Jeb Bush, the first word that comes to mind is "Bush." Voters don't even care enough about Jeb Bush to ...Read more

Late Night Funny #3

Humor / Jokes /

Even though Trump is on top, 54 percent of voters, don't believe he's trustworthy or honest. If Donald Trump is dishonest, what's he going to say when he starts being honest?

Jimmy Kimmel

Late Night Funny #2

Humor / Jokes /

Right now members of the Republican National Committee are essentially the scientists in a movie realizing their creation has escaped from the lab.

Jimmy Kimmel

Late Night Funny #1

Humor / Jokes /

All the new polls indicate that Donald Trump is getting more popular every day. Apparently his inspiring riches to riches story is really resonating with everyday Americans.

Jimmy Kimmel

The Tell-Tale Clock

Humor / Jokes /

The other night I was invited out for a night with the guys. I told my wife that I would be home by midnight... "I promise!"

Well, the hours passed quickly and the beer was going down way too easy. At 3 am, drunk as a skunk, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed three times.

...Read more

Software Conflict: Wife 1.0 Upgrade

Humor / Jokes /

Last year, after hearing how great it was for so long, a friend of mine upgraded from Girlfriend 3.0 to Wife 1.0. He has found Wife 1.0 to be a resource hog, leaving him very little free space for other applications. Wife 1.0 is also spawning Child-Subroutines, which further consumes valuable system resources. His system performance and ...Read more

Revenge of Haiku Error Messages

Humor / Jokes /

There is a chasm
of carbon and silicon
the software can't bridge.

Yesterday it worked
Today it is not working
Windows is like that

To have no errors
Would be life without meaning
No struggle, no joy

You step in the stream,
but the water has moved on.
This page is not here.

No keyboard present<...Read more

Son of Haiku Error Messages

Humor / Jokes /

Chaos reigns within.
Reflect, repent, and reboot.
Order shall return.

Login incorrect.
Only perfect spellers may
enter this system.

This site has been moved.
We'd tell you where, but then we'd
have to delete you.

Wind catches lily
scatt'ring petals to the wind:
segmentation fault

ABORTED ...Read more

Haiku Error Messages

Humor / Jokes /

The Web site you seek
cannot be located but
countless others exist

Three things are certain:
Death, taxes, and lost data.
Guess which has occurred.

Everything is gone;
Your life's work has been destroyed.
Squeeze trigger (yes/no)?

Windows Seven crashed.
I am the Blue Screen of Death.
No one ...Read more

Guard Dog

Humor / Jokes /

Sam and George owned a store in the outskirts of San Francisco. It had been burglarized several times in the past year and Sam decided to buy a guard dog.

Shopping for one, Sam found himself in Chinatown, at a pet store whose sign boasted, The Best Guard Dogs That Money Will Buy. He entered the store, but much to his disappointment, all the...Read more

Faith

Humor / Jokes /

A nun who worked for a local home health care agency was out making her rounds when she ran out of gas. As luck would have it, there was a station just down the street. She walked to the station to borrow a can with enough gas to start the car and drive to the station for a fill up.

The attendant regretfully told her that the only gas can he...Read more

The Lawyer's Dog

Humor / Jokes /

A butcher was minding his store one day, when a dog ran in and stole a cut of meat off his counter. The butcher recognized the dog as belonging to his neighbor who was a lawyer. He called up his neighbor and said, "Your dog stole meat from my store. I believe you owe me for the meat."

The lawyer said "You are correct. How much was the meat?"...Read more

The Farmer and the Pig

Humor / Jokes /

A farmer walked into a bar with his pig and ordered a drink. The bartender could not help asking the man why his pig had a peg leg. "Well, you see," said the farmer, "this is an amazing pig. Why, two years ago, my son was chopping wood in the field when a tree collapsed on him, pinning him to the ground and making breathing difficult. The ...Read more

Lost Dr. Seuss Poem?

Humor / Jokes /

I love my job, I love the pay.
I love it more and more each day.
I love my boss; he is the best.
I love his boss and all the rest.

I love my office and its location.
I hate to have to go on vacation.
I love my furniture, drab and gray,
And the paper that piles up every day.

I love my chair in my padded cell....Read more

Better Than Wonder Bra?

Humor / Jokes /

The success of the "Wonder Bra" for under-endowed women has encouraged the designers to come out with a bra for over-endowed women.

It's called the "Sheep Dog Bra"- it rounds them up and points them in the right direction.

Stoopid Chain Letters

Humor / Jokes /

Hello, my name is Alfonso Merkin. I am suffering from rare and deadly diseases, poor scores on final exams, lack of sexual activity, fear of being kidnapped and executed by anal electrocution, and guilt for not sending out 50 billion forwards sent to me by people who actually believe that if you send them, that poor 6 year old girl in ...Read more

It's Time to Turn Your Computer Off and Read a Book When...

Humor / Jokes /

- You wake up at 3 am to go to the bathroom and stop to check your E-mail on the way back to bed.

- You name your children Eudora, AOL and dotcom.

- You turn off your modem and get this awful empty feeling, as if you just pulled the plug on a loved one.

- You spend half of the plane trip with your laptop on your lap and your child in the ...Read more

The Meaning of Service

Humor / Jokes /

At one time in my life, I thought I had a handle on the meaning of the word "service."

"It's the act of doing things for other people." Then I heard these terms which reference the word service:

Internal Revenue Service
Postal Service
Telephone Service
Civil Service
City & County Public ...Read more

Smart Bird?

Humor / Jokes /

His mother was now living in Miami Beach and the young man didn't see her that often. His father was no longer around and he was worried that Mom was lonely. For her birthday, he purchased a rare parrot, trained to speak seven languages. He had a courier deliver the bird to his dear mother. A few days later, he called.

"Ma, what do you ...Read more

Late Night Funny #4

Humor / Jokes /

Donald Trump got into it with a well-respected Spanish language news anchor, Jorge Ramos from Univision, who made Donald upset when he tried to ask a question. "Go back to Univision," he said as he kicked him out of the place. He's not even president yet and he's already kicking Mexicans out.

...Read more

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