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Late Night Funny #4

Humor / Jokes /

In Oregon you can have up to eight ounces of pot in your home. Let's be honest. Most guys in Portland have that much pot in their beards.

Jimmy Kimmel

Late Night Funny #3

Humor / Jokes /

The state of Oregon today became the fourth state to legalize recreational marijuana. At long last the people of Oregon can do exactly what they've been doing all along anyway.

Jimmy Kimmel

Late Night Funny #2

Humor / Jokes /

Last night for the first time in 24 years Jupiter and Venus appeared almost on top of each other. So the gay marriage ruling is having more of an impact than we thought.

Conan O'Brien

Late Night Funny #1

Humor / Jokes /

Macy's has severed ties with Donald Trump and no longer will carry his men's wear collection. From now on, men who want to look like Donald Trump will have to hunt and kill their own hair piece.

Conan O'Brien

Computer Help

Humor / Jokes /

Last week my wife and I purchased a new computer. We ran into some difficulties while setting it up so we called the customer support phone number we found in the manual.

I picked up the phone and called the number. A man answered the phone and I explained the problem to him.

He began rattling off computer jargon. This confused us even more...Read more

Friendly Pig

Humor / Jokes /

A man was on a walking holiday in a foreign country. He became thirsty so decided to ask at a stranger's home for something to drink.

The lady of the house invited him in and served him a bowl of soup by the fire.

There was a wee pig running around the kitchen - running up to the visitor and giving him a great deal of attention. The visitor...Read more

New Office

Humor / Jokes /

Having just moved into his new office, a pompous, new colonel was sitting at his desk when an airman knocked on the door. Conscious of his new position, the colonel quickly picked up the phone, told the airman to enter, then said into the phone, "Yes, General, I'll be seeing him this afternoon and I'll pass along your message. In the ...Read more

Three's a Crowd

Humor / Jokes /

The newlywed wife said to her husband when he returned from work, "I have great news for you. Pretty soon, we're going to be three in this house instead of two."

Her husband ran to her with a smile on his face and delight in his eyes.

He was glowing of happiness and kissing his wife when she said, "I'm glad that you feel this way since ...Read more

Psychiatric Hotline

Humor / Jokes /

Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline.
If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.
If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line until we ...Read more

Late Night Funny #4

Humor / Jokes /

I don't know if Rand Paul has to go to Colorado. If he wants money from stoners, he should just become a pizza delivery guy.

Jimmy Kimmel

Late Night Funny #3

Humor / Jokes /

Kentucky Senator Rand Paul was in Denver today hosting a briefing event during the cannabis business summit. It's a very good plan. Once they give you money, there's a good chance they'll forget and give you money again.

Jimmy Kimmel

Late Night Funny #2

Humor / Jokes /

Chris Christie launched his presidential campaign in the gymnasium of his old high school. He wanted to launch it in his school's cafeteria but there's still a restraining order.

Conan O'Brien

Late Night Funny #1

Humor / Jokes /

Chris Christie gave a 20-minute speech to announce he's running for president in his high school's gymnasium. It was the longest period of time Christie has ever spent in a gym.

Conan O'Brien

Cup O' Joe

Humor / Jokes /

A Grandmother was surprised by her 7 year old grandson one morning when he had made her coffee.

She drank what was the worst cup of coffee in her life. When she got to the bottom there were three of those little green army men in the cup. She said, "Honey, what are the army men doing in my coffee?"

Her grandson said, "Grandma, it says on TV...Read more

Taxing Flag

Humor / Jokes /

A visitor from Holland was chatting with his American friend and was jokingly explaining about the red, white and blue in the Netherlands flag. "Our flag symbolizes our taxes," he said. "We get red when we talk about them, white when we get our tax bill, and blue after we pay them."

"That's the same with us," the American said, "only we see ...Read more

Used Peanuts

Humor / Jokes /

A man visits his aunt in the nursing home. It turns out that she is taking a nap, so he just sits down in a chair in her room, flips through a few magazines, and munches on some peanuts sitting in a bowl on the table.

Eventually, the aunt wakes up, and her nephew realizes he's absentmindedly finished the entire bowl. "I'm so sorry, auntie, I...Read more

New to Baseball

Humor / Jokes /

Coming home from his Little League game, Billy swung open the front door very excited. Unable to attend the game, his father immediately wanted to know what happened. "So, how did you do son?" he asked.

"You'll never believe it!" Billy said. "I was responsible for the winning run!"

"Really? How'd you do that?"

"I dropped the ball."

Time for the Wedding

Humor / Jokes /

A police officer stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street.

"But officer," the man began, "I can explain."

"Just be quiet," snapped the officer. "I'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back."

"But, officer, I just wanted to say," "And I said to keep quiet! You're going to jail!"

A few hours later the ...Read more

Late Night Funny #4

Humor / Jokes /

But now that reason is gone. Which means now you go home and your parents and friends will do that thing where they put you on the spot. Society will push you and push you and eventually you'll give in. This is what happened to George Clooney.

Jimmy Kimmel

Late Night Funny #3

Humor / Jokes /

The Supreme Court has ended same-sex marriage bans. This is going to totally ruin being gay. I will explain. I live in a gay neighborhood and these people have a lot of fun. The reason is because there is no pressure to settle down. It's illegal. Say you're dating a guy. He says, Why can't we get married? You say, Well, same reason we can't rob ...Read more

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