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Disney Princess Date Night

Humor / Jokes /

Disney Princess Date Night

Stupid Things That Parents Do ( + FUPA )

Humor / Jokes /

Stupid Things That Parents Do ( + FUPA )

Late Night Funny #4

Humor / Jokes /

This is a crazy election. But, of course, you know that, unless you have been in a coma. And if you were in a coma, you might want to slip back in for the next six months.

Stephen Colbert

Late Night Funny #3

Humor / Jokes /

A city in South Wales is on alert following reports that local sheep may have consumed marijuana from an illegal grow operation and have begun breaking into homes. So if you live in Wales, be sure to lock up your Doritos.

Seth Meyers

Late Night Funny #2

Humor / Jokes /

The Secret Service had to sweep our building for the second day today. I've had so many pat-downs this week, one of the Secret Service guys told me to get checked because I had a lump.

Jimmy Kimmel

What If Superman Was Adopted By The Waynes

Humor / Jokes /

Ever imagine what would happen if Superman took Batman's place as the son of the Wayne family?

Late Night Funny #1

Humor / Jokes /

It's being reported the Obama family is planning to move into a nine-bedroom mansion in Washington, D.C., after the president leaves office. I guess he wants to be close enough to drive by the White House every morning and shout, "Sucks, doesn't it?”

Jimmy Fallon

Number 12

Humor / Jokes /

A number twelve walks into a bar and asks the barman for a pint of beer.

"Sorry I can't serve you," states the barman.

"Why not?!" asks the number twelve with anger showing in its voice.

"You're under 18," replies the barman.

Two Trouble Makers

Humor / Jokes /

A couple had two little mischievous boys, ages 8 and 10. They were always getting into trouble, and their parents knew that if any mischief occurred in their town, their sons would get the blame.

The boys' mother heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The ...Read more

Expressions Explained, Part II

Humor / Jokes /

Ladies wore corsets, which would lace up in the front. A proper and dignified woman, as in "straight laced," wore a tightly tied lace.

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Common entertainment included playing cards. However, there was a tax levied when purchasing playing cards but only applicable to the "Ace of Spades." To avoid paying the tax, people would purchase 51 cards...Read more

Only In America

Humor / Jokes /

Only in America ... can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

Only in America ... are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.

Only in America ... do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

Only in ...Read more

School Zone

Humor / Jokes /

An off-duty police officer, familiar with radar guns, drove through a school zone within the legal speed limit when the flash of a camera went off, taking a picture of his license plate.

The officer, thinking the radar was in error, drove by again; even more slowly. Another flash. He did it again for a third time, at an even slower speed. Same...Read more

Before You Meet With God

Humor / Jokes /

A man died and went to The Judgment. St. Peter met him at the Gates of Heaven and said, "Before you meet with God, I thought I should tell you -- we've looked at your life, and you really didn't do anything particularly good or bad. We're not at all sure what to do with you. Can you tell us anything you did that can help us make a decision?"

...Read more

Repeat Offender

Humor / Jokes /

A judge scowled down at a repeat offender before him. "Haven't I seen you in here many times already? And didn't I tell you that I never wanted to see you in here again?"

"Yes, Your Honor," the defendant replied. "That's exactly what I told the police officer, but he insisted I come in anyway!"

Biology Not Equal to math

Humor / Jokes /

Why is biology easier than math?

Cuz in biology multiplication and division is the same thing!

Chemistry Shaming

Humor / Jokes /

If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.

Trendy Bar

Humor / Jokes /

Argon walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Get out, we don't allow noble gases in here!"

Argon does not react.

The Wrong Grade, part 3

Humor / Jokes /

...continued from above

Ms Brooks: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"

The principal wondered why would she ask such a question!

Harry replied: "Pockets."

Ms. Brooks: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"

Harry: "Pants."

The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.

Ms. Brooks: "What goes in hard...Read more

The Wrong Grade, part 2

Humor / Jokes /

...continued from above

Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"

Harry: "9."

Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"

Harry: "36."

And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.

The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, "I think Harry can go to the 3rdgrade."

Ms. Brooks says to the principal, "Let me ask him some ...Read more

The Wrong Grade, part 1

Humor / Jokes /

A first-grade teacher, Ms Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, "Harry, what's your problem?"

Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!"

Ms. Brooks had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office. ...Read more

 

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