According to a Christian fellowship based in Sharon Hill, Pennsylvania, the world was supposed to end by fire today. Maybe they were right. Maybe the world did end. Maybe this is hell that we're in right now. Or worse, maybe this is heaven that we're in right now.
Donald Trump is reportedly planning new campaign events that will feature his wife, Melania. It’s a good chance for Trump to connect with female voters, and a GREAT chance for Melania to escape.
Democratic presidential candidate Bernie Sanders has a catch phrase. His catch phrase is "Feel the burn." Now he's being sued because that's Del Taco's slogan.
I read that Hillary's staff is starting to worry that her campaign still doesn’t have an official theme. Then Hillary said, “Yes it does — revenge.”
"The Senate has passed a resolution to make English the official language of the United States. When asked if they approve of the resolution, 75% of the people in Los Angeles said, 'Si.'" --Jay Leno
"A lot of sleazy politicians in the news today. Former New Jersey Governor Jim McGreevy has written a book where he says ... he used to cruise ...Read more
- If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?
- If you ate pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?
- If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
- Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?
- Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
- What happens when none of your ...Read more
- Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
- Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?
- Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
- How do I set my laser printer on stun?
- How is it possible to have a civil war?
- If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
- If God dropped acid, ...Read more
For a couple years I've been blaming it on iron poor blood, lack of vitamins, dieting and a dozen other maladies. But now I found out the real reason. I'm tired because I'm overworked.
The population of this country is 237 million. 104 million are retired. That leaves 133 million to do the work.
There are 85 million in school, which leave 48 ...Read more
When It's Time to Say GoodbyeMarti Tote
"When It's Time To Say Good-Bye," is a beautiful story of life, love, perseverance and the will to survive even when all seems hopeless. It will grace you with the understanding and significance of each and every breath we take. It will hopefully give you the courage to take chances as you ...
Smart Boss + Smart Employee = Profit
Smart Boss + Dumb Employee = Production
Dumb Boss + Smart Employee = Promotion
Dumb Boss + Dumb Employee = Overtime
I went out and saw the number one movie in America this weekend, "The Martian." It's the sci-fi thriller that takes place in the near future where — here's the twist — NASA has a budget.
The author of the “Twilight” series has written a new gender-reversed version of her first novel with corrections to grammatical errors in the original books. Asked why she wrote it, she said, “I want more money and I have no more ideas.”
Yesterday Hillary Clinton criticized Donald Trump during an interview on Telemundo. Clinton knew if there was one place she could criticize Trump without him finding out about it, it's on Telemundo.
Everybody’s still talking about Donald Trump. A recent poll had voters describe Trump in one word, and a lot of them used the words “idiot,” “buffoon,” “clown,” and “jerk.” And those are the people voting for Trump. Of course, they also used other words, like “Still,” “better,” “than” and “Jeb.”
- If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behavior such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes, increasing hairiness, and so on, kill them immediately.
- Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Arkham (you're in trouble if you recognize ...Read more
-Never stand in, on, or above a grave, tomb, or crypt. This would apply to any other house of the dead as well.
- If you're searching for something which caused a loud noise and find out that it's just the cat, don't stand their sighing with relief, GET THE HECK OUT!
- If appliances start operating by themselves, don't check for short circuits...Read more
- Don't assume the telephone calls are coming from another house.
- When it appears that you have killed the monster, NEVER check to see if it's really dead.
- Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.
- Don't go into the basement to check the power when the lights go out!
- If your children speak to you in Latin or any ...Read more
An elderly man lay dying in his bed. Nearing the final curtain, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookies wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed.
Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort forced himself down the...Read more
The element, tentatively, named Administratium, has no protons or electrons and thus has an atomic number of 0. However, it does have one neutron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice neutrons and 111 assistant vice neutrons, which gives it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by a force that involves the continuous exchange ...Read more
Whole Foods will no longer sell products by prison inmates. Reform advocates say Whole Foods is profiting off of the sale of products prepared by inmates who aren't paid much. Prison labor? But everything at Whole Foods is supposed to be cage-free! I can't believe this. The whole time, I thought Farmer Bob was making my goat cheese. Turns out, ...Read more
Researchers have begun collecting data to develop a pill that will allow users to experience the benefits of exercise without having to work out. Said Americans, "So I have to get up, get a glass of water, unscrew the pill cap? No, thank you. Not interested."