Humor

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Entertainment

Pesky Telemarketer

Humor / Jokes /

The phone rang as I was sitting down to my anticipated evening meal and, as I answered, I was greeted with, "Is this Wilhiam Wagenhoss?"

This didn't sound anything like my name, so I asked, "Who is calling?"

The telemarketer said he was with The Rubberband-Powered Freezer Company or something like that and then I asked him if he knew Wilhiam ...Read more

Ten Reasons Why TV Is Better Than The World-Wide Web

Humor / Jokes /

1. It doesn't take minutes to build the picture when you change TV channels.

2. When was the last time you tuned in to "Friends" and got a "Not Found 404" message?

3. There are fewer grating color schemes on TV--even on MTV.

4. The family never argues over which Web site to visit this evening.

5. A remote control has fewer buttons than a ...Read more

Military Cargo Plane

Humor / Jokes /

A military cargo plane, flying over a populated area, suddenly loses power and starts to nose down. The pilot tries to pull up, but with all their cargo, the plane is too heavy. So he yells to the soldiers in back to throw things out to make the plane lighter. They throw out a pistol. "Throw out more!" shouts the pilot. So they throw out a rifle...Read more

Over Five Years

Humor / Jokes /

A out-of-towner in New York at the height of the tourist season decided to revisit an uptown restaurant he'd enjoyed on a previous trip to the city.

Finally catching the eye of an overworked waiter, he said, "You know, it's been over five years since I first came in here."

"I'm sorry, but you'll have to wait your turn, sir," replied the waiter...Read more

For The Kids...

Humor / Jokes /

How is the witches team doing?
They're having a spell in the first division!

How do you make a werewolf stew?
Keep him waiting for two hours!

What do you call a skeleton that is always telling lies?
A boney phoney!

What does Mrs Dracula say to Mr Dracula when he goes out to work in the evening?
"Have a nice bite"!

...Read more

Late Night Funny #4

Humor / Jokes /

Recently released documents show that former New York Governor Eliot Spitzer donated $50,000 to Martin O’Malley’s presidential campaign. It’s not the first time Spitzer spent that much on something that only lasted an hour.

Seth Meyers

Late Night Funny #3

Humor / Jokes /

An associate of Osama bin Laden's who is currently being held prisoner in Guantanamo Bay was recently found to have a Match.com profile. I guess we know the answer to the question, "Your place or mine?"

James Corden

Late Night Funny #2

Humor / Jokes /

Sarah Palin accused Ted Cruz of lying about Ben Carson and stealing the Iowa caucus. This is my favorite thing in politics, when people lie and cheat to get the evangelical Christian vote.

Conan O'Brien

Late Night Funny #1

Humor / Jokes /

On Monday, Hillary Clinton narrowly won in Iowa, with the final results showing that she beat Bernie Sanders by less than 1 percent. And you thought Bernie was mad at the 1 percent BEFORE.

Jimmy Kimmel

Magic of the Internet

Humor / Jokes /

My friend Nancy and I decided to introduce her elderly mother to the magic of the Internet. Our first move was to access Google, and we told her it could answer any question she had.

Nancy's mother was very skeptical until Nancy said, "It's true, Mom.

"Think of something to ask it." As I sat with fingers poised over the keyboard, Nancy's ...Read more

Classic Quips From Late Night

Humor / Jokes /

"With so many politicians being taken down by sex scandals this year, I tip my hat to Wisconsin Secretary of State candidate Sandy Sullivan who has written a book detailing her sexual exploits with multiple members of the Green Bay Packers during the team's heyday in the 1960s. It is so refreshing to see a candidate whose closet has been so ...Read more

For The Kids...

Humor / Jokes /

When a teacher closes his eyes, why should it remind him of an empty classroom?
Because there are no pupils to see!

Why did the teacher put the lights on?
Because the class was so dim!

How did Vikings communicate?
By norse code!

Teacher: How much is half of 8?
Pupil: Up and down or across?
Teacher: What do you ...Read more

For The Kids...

Humor / Jokes /

What kinds of tests do they give witches?
Hex-aminations!

Father: What did the teacher think of your idea?
Son: She took it like a lamb
Teacher: Really?, what did she say?
Son: Baa!

What do history teachers make when they want to get together?
Dates!

What do they talk about?
The good old days!

Teacher: ...Read more

For The Kids...

Humor / Jokes /

What is a worm's favorite band?
Mud!

What is the maggot army called?
The Apple Corps!

Why didn't the two worms get on Noah's Ark in an apple?
Because everyone had to go on in pairs!

Who is the worm's Prime Minister?
Maggot Thatcher!

How can you tell if you are looking at a police glow worm?
it has a blue light!...Read more

Late Night Funny #4

Humor / Jokes /

Ben and Jerry's has announced that they're coming out with vegan ice cream, hopefully with actual chunks of vegan.

Stephen Colbert

Late Night Funny #3

Humor / Jokes /

Ted Cruz's victory last night raises a lot of questions, like one: "Can he keep this momentum going into New Hampshire?" And two: "Just how much does it cost to move to Canada?"

James Corden

Late Night Funny #2

Humor / Jokes /

The National Chicken Council has released something called the wing report in which they estimate that Americans will eat a record 1.3 billion chicken wings during the Super Bowl this year. I'd like to imagine a group of chickens gathered around a conference table making decisions about things.

entertainment/humor/jokes/s-1795382">Read more

Late Night Funny #1

Humor / Jokes /

The Bernie Sanders campaign is demanding proof that Hillary Clinton beat him in yesterday’s Iowa caucus. Today Hillary said, "Sure, let me check my server."

Conan O'Brien

Patio Problem

Humor / Jokes /

My husband, Ray, was attempting to build a patio for the first time. He bought 100 cement blocks. Laying them out in a pattern, he discovered the chosen area was too small.

He stacked the blocks against the house and cleared more space. The next day Ray put the cement blocks back down, only to find that the ground was too hard to keep the patio...Read more

Blonde Riding a Horse

Humor / Jokes /

A blonde decides to learn and try horse back riding assisted without any experience or lessons. She mounts the horse with great effort, and the tall, shiny horse springs into motion.

It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. Out of sheer terror, she grabs for the horse's mane but cannot seem ...Read more

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