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Late Night Funny #4

Humor / Jokes /

Donald Trump is accusing Hillary Clinton of being too ill, too frail to be commander in chief. Rudy Giuliani made a suggestion to go online and look up "Hillary Clinton illness" – if it's on the internet, you know it must be true.

Stephen Colbert

Late Night Funny #3

Humor / Jokes /

The Trump campaign recently announced that Donald Trump will be delaying his major address on immigration that was originally scheduled to take place on Thursday. So if you want to know where Trump stands on immigration, you’ll just have to wait until a year ago.

Seth Meyers

Late Night Funny #2

Humor / Jokes /

The GOP has already started making a strategy around the assumption that Hillary Clinton will win the presidency. Which may explain the Republican Party's new slogan: "Winter Is Coming."

Conan O'Brien

Pixar: Short Films #23 "Small Fry" (2011)

Humor / Jokes /

Pixar: Short Films #23 "Small Fry" (2011)

Late Night Funny #1

Humor / Jokes /

Apparently Ryan Lochte lost all four of his endorsement deals in just one day following his Rio robbery scandal. Even Trump was like, “It took me months to do that!”

Jimmy Fallon

Clarity

Humor / Jokes /

A "Life and Career" coach met with a prospective client one morning and asked the client what he wanted to get out of their sessions.

"Clarity," the client said very firmly.

"And on what issues are you looking for clarity?" the coach asked.

"Well," he said in a less confident tone, "I'm not sure."

Stop redundancy

Humor / Jokes /

The Committee for the Reduction of Redundancy and the Antiproliferation of Repetition has decided not to meet until they have their first meeting and thus will not be meeting until the first time.

Their Pre-meeting Statement wanted to make this clear before they had their first meeting, so that it would not be nor confusing.

So their first ...Read more

Battery Warranty

Humor / Jokes /

An angry motorist went back to a garage where he'd purchased an expensive battery for his car six months earlier.

"Listen," the motorist grumbled to the owner of the garage, "when I bought that battery you said it would be the last battery my car would ever need. It died after only six months!"

"Sorry," apologized the garage owner. "I didn't ...Read more

Darned Men!

Humor / Jokes /

Men will brag that there are women waiting by the phone at this very moment for their call. Who are these women?
- Women working at 900 numbers.

Where is the best place in a book store to find a man who is handsome, a good lover and a stimulating partner?
- In the pages of a romance novel.

What do you do with a man who thinks he's...Read more

Job Market

Humor / Jokes /

If you're in the job market right now you might want to familiarize yourself with the Human Resources Lingo...

"COMPETITIVE SALARY"

We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.

"JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY"

We have no time to train you.

"CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE"

We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up.

"...Read more

Toying With the Telemarketer pt. 4

Humor / Jokes /

... continued from above

AT&T: No, sir, we are offering 10 cents a minute for

ME: THERE YOU GO AGAIN! Can I speak to a supervisor please?
AT&T: Sir, I don’t think that is necessary.

ME: I insist on speaking to a supervisor!
AT&T: Yes, Mr. Byron. Please hold.

At this point, I begin trying to finish my dinner.

SUPERVISOR: Mr. ...Read more

Classes for Men: Day Two

Humor / Jokes /

EMPTY MILK CARTONS; DO THEY BELONG IN THE FRIDGE OR THE BIN?
Group discussion and role play

HEALTH WATCH; BRINGING HER FLOWERS IS NOT HARMFUL TO YOUR HEALTH
PowerPoint presentation

REAL MEN ASK FOR DIRECTIONS WHEN LOST
Real life testimonial from the one man who did

IS IT GENETICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO SIT QUIETLY AS SHE PARALLEL...Read more

Philosophy and the Talented Doggie

Humor / Jokes /

An optimist sees the best in the world, while a pessimist sees only the worst. An optimist finds the positive in the negative, and a pessimist can only find the negative in the positive.

For example, an avid duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog. His search ended when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a ...Read more

Perfection

Humor / Jokes /

The preacher said, "There's no such thing as a perfect woman. Anybody present who has ever known a perfect woman, stand up."

Nobody stood up.

"Those who have ever known a perfect man, stand up."

One elderly gentleman stood up.

"Are you honestly saying you knew an absolutely perfect man?" he asked, somewhat amazed.

"Well now, I didn't know ...Read more

Yummy Fruit

Humor / Jokes /

A women's lib speaker was addressing a large group and said "Where would man be today if it were not for woman?"

She paused a moment and looked around the room. "I repeat, where would man be today if it were not for woman?"

From the back of the room came a voice, "He'd be in the Garden of Eden eating strawberries."

Late Night Funny #4

Humor / Jokes /

America just dominated the 2016 Olympics! That's right, we killed it. We got 121 medals! And I'm not surprised. I watched the Games here in the States — can't remember the channel — and from what I saw, apparently only Americans competed.

Stephen Colbert

Late Night Funny #3

Humor / Jokes /

Police in Australia are searching for a group of men seen releasing live crocodiles into a school building. Though, if you ask me, they should probably be searching for the crocodiles.

Seth Meyers

Late Night Funny #2

Humor / Jokes /

Last week, Twitter introduced a "quality filter" that gets rid of tweets that contain spam, mean, or unwanted content. An hour later, Twitter filed for bankruptcy.

Conan O'Brien

 

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