... continued from above
Then I made the most difficult call of all, to my husband. "Honey," I stammered; I always call him "honey" in times like these."I left my keys in the car, and it has been stolen." There was a period of silence. I thought the call had been dropped, but then I heard his voice.
"You forgot," he said, "I dropped you at the...Read more
A new study claims that for the first time ever, Canadians are wealthier than Americans. We are their Mexico now it turns out.
The United States Postal Service is about to default on $5.5 billion. They made the payment but the check got lost in the mail.
My wife asked me to buy ORGANIC vegetables from the market. I went and looked around and couldn’t find any.
So I grabbed an old, tired looking employee and said, "These vegetables are for my wife. Have they been sprayed with any poisonous chemicals?"
The produce guy looked at me and said, "No. You'll have to do that yourself."
The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez Oil spill in Alaska was $ 80,000.00. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were being released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers.
A minute later, in full view, a killer whale ate them both.
... continued from above
In trying to sort out their affairs the little old man took down the shoe box and took it to his wife's bedside. She agreed it was time that he should know what was in the box.
When he opened it he found 2 beautifully crocheted doilies and a stack of money totaling over $25,000. He asked her about the unusual contents....Read more
A cowboy rode into town and stopped at the saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on newcomers. When he finished, he found his horse had been stolen.
He comes back into the bar, handily flips his gun into the air, catches it above his head without even looking and fires a shot into the ceiling. "Who stole my...Read more
There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire become a great writer.
When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"
He now works for Microsoft, writing ...Read more
Three mischievous boys skipped school one day and instead went to the zoo one day for an outing.
They decided to visit the elephant cage first, but soon enough, they were picked up by a zoo security officer for causing a commotion.
The officer hauled them off to the Security Office for questioning.
The supervisor in charge asked each of them...Read more
1. Silence, the final frontier: Where no woman has gone before.
2. The undiscovered side of Banking: How to make deposits.
3. Combating the Imelda Marcos Syndrome: You don't need new shoes everyday.
4. Learn how not to inflict your Diets on other people.
5. Nag Nag Nag - how to overcome your tendency to be a fish wife.
6. An invitation to ...Read more
A city in Uruguay this weekend held a cannabis cup, where a panel of experts judged marijuana on aroma, flavor, effects, and strength. The experts were like, "We did?"
Sandra Collins (used to) fight the cellulite battle for as long as she can remember. The odd thing is she has always been fit and healthy, going to the gym for the last 10 years, lifting weights and following gym programs. However, her cellulite never seem to go away no matter what until she came across...
A 91-year-old woman in Germany is under investigation for destruction of property after she tried filling in words on a crossword puzzle on display at an art museum. If charged, the woman could face time in a four-letter word for enclosure.
The most unusual comments (at the RNC) were made by former Trump rival Dr. Ben Carson. Speaking with the authority of a brain surgeon that had performed a lobotomy on himself, he said Lucifer is Hillary’s top running mate. That's how you feel the Bern.
Sensing that his timeless wisdom is needed at The Late Show, the character “Stephen Colbert” rides into the Ed Sullivan Theater in a blaze of glory, and sums up this inexplicable election season in one word: “Trumpiness.”
San Diego has been hosting its annual Comic-Con. Yep, it’s been a great place to get away from people playing Pokémon . . . just to be around people DRESSED as Pokémon.
- Gravitation can not be held responsible for people falling in love.
- Polymer physicists are into chains.
- What did the thermometer say to the graduated cylinder? "You may have graduated but I've got many degrees".
A Scot returned home to Glasgow after a trip down south to London. He complained to his friend the Londoners were so rude. "They kept banging on the door, knocking on the ceiling, hammering on the floor, at three o'clock in the morning."
"Aye, and what did you do?" asked his friend.
"Och, I kept right on playing me bagpipes."
A minister, a priest and a rabbi went for a hike one day. It was very hot. They were sweating and exhausted when they came upon a small lake.
Since it was fairly secluded, they took off all their clothes and jumped in the water. Feeling refreshed, the trio decided to pick a few berries while enjoying their "freedom." As they were crossing an ...Read more
Increase the life of your carpets by rolling them up and keeping them in the garage.
John, for heaven's sake, why can't you just talk to me once in awhile?" whined Mari.
"Huh?" John responded.
"Look around you!" she yells as she points around the room. "All these books. Your head is always buried in books. You don't even know I'm alive!"
"Oh. I'm sorry."
"You know, sometimes I wish I were a book. Then you'd at least look ...Read more