Humor

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Entertainment

Stephen Has Some Tips For Potential VP Candidates (Not You, Carly)

Humor / Jokes /

If you're on the short list for VP candidate, you're going to want to pay close attention to these tips. Seriously, Carly, stop clicking on this video, it's not happening.

The Daily Show - "They Love Me" Music Video - Black Trump (ft. Jordan Klepper)

Humor / Jokes /

Black Trump drops a new track with lyrics pulled verbatim from actual Donald Trump quotes.

Kittens see / do things for the first time

Humor / Jokes /

Funny and cute cat compilation

Late Night Funny #4

Humor / Jokes /

Vice president Joe Biden made a surprise trip to Iraq this morning, and no one was more surprised than him. “Last time I use Expedia!”

Seth Meyers

Late Night Funny #3

Humor / Jokes /

Yesterday Ted Cruz, the man mathematically eliminated from becoming president, picked his vice president. Cruz chose Carly Fiorina as his running mate: The first woman ever to lose the Republican nomination twice in three months.

James Corden

Late Night Funny #2

Humor / Jokes /

A study found that one minute of intense exercise may have the same physical benefits as 45 minutes of moderate exercise. So finally, a study that vindicates my wedding night, ladies and gentlemen.

Conan O'Brien

Late Night Funny #1

Humor / Jokes /

Yesterday, athletes from Team USA kicked off the countdown to the summer Olympics right here in Times Square. It got weird when Times Square Elmo said, "Psst, need some tips for passing your drug test?"

Jimmy Fallon

How Deadpool Should Have Ended

Humor / Jokes /

How Deadpool Should Have Ended. When Negasonic Teenage Warhead causes the whole Helicarrier to collapse, Wade is forced to use maximum effort.

Adopted Twins

Humor / Jokes /

A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother.

Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal.

Her husband...Read more

Ski Trip

Humor / Jokes /

Mr. Jacobson decided to take a week off from the pressures of the office and went skiing. Alas, no sooner did he reach the slopes than he heard an ominous rumbling: moments later a sheet of snow came crashing toward him.

Fortunately, Mr. Jacobson was able to jump into a cave just before the avalanche hit. Just as fortunately, he had matches ...Read more

The Last Word from Women

Humor / Jokes /

Men are like fine wine...

They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you'd like to have dinner with.

Car Accident

Humor / Jokes /

As my five year old son and I were headed to McDonald's one day, we passed a car accident. Usually when we see something terrible like that, we say a prayer for those who might be hurt, so I pointed and said to my son, "We should pray."

From the back seat I heard his earnest request: "Please, God, don't let those cars block the entrance to ...Read more

Workplace Haikus

Humor / Jokes /

The Web site you seek
cannot be located but
countless others exist

Three things are certain:
Death, taxes, and lost data.
Guess which has occurred.

Windows 7 crashed.
I am the Blue Screen of Death.
No one hears your screams.

Seeing my great fault
Through darkening blue windows
I begin again

The...Read more

Eggplants

Humor / Jokes /

A grocer put up a sign that read "Eggplants, 25 each -- three for a dollar."

All day long, customers came in exclaiming: "Don't be ridiculous! I should get four for a dollar!"

Meekly the grocer capitulated and packaged four eggplants. The tailor next door had been watching these antics and finally asked the grocer, "Aren't you going to fix ...Read more

Two Engineering Students

Humor / Jokes /

Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied,

"Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."

The second ...Read more

Quick Quotes

Humor / Jokes /

"Oil is under $60 a barrel and you know what that means for the American consumer? Nothing." --Jay Leno

---

"Al Gore was speaking at a pep rally in Central Park. Because when you think pep, you think Al Gore. I have to be careful about this, because Al Gore is, uh, not a dynamic speaker. Halfway through his speech, squirrels were ...Read more

Bad Habit

Humor / Jokes /

Most of us have a bad habit we are constantly trying to break. For me, it's biting my fingernails. One day I told my husband about my latest solution: press-on nails.

"Great Idea, Honey," he smiled. "You can eat them straight out of the box."

Queen Size

Humor / Jokes /

A little boy went to the store with his grandmother and on the way home, he was looking at the things she had purchased.

He found a package of panty hose and began to sound out the words "Queen Size".

He then turned to his grandmother and exclaimed,

"Look Grandma, you wear the same size as our bed!"

Caesar Salad Now Legal!

Humor / Jokes /

WASHINGTON, DC -- California decriminalized the sale of Caesar salad this week -- and it's not a moment too soon, the Libertarian Party said today.

"When you outlaw Caesar salad, only outlaws will eat Caesar salad," noted the party's Director of Communications, Bill Winter. "That's why, on the issue of Caesar salad, we Libertarians have always ...Read more

Trump vs. Bernie in the First Ever @midnight Presidential Debate

Humor / Jokes /

Bernie Sanders (James Adomian) and Donald Trump (Anthony Atamanuik) debate their likeness to Jesus and launch attack ads in the @midnight presidential debate.

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