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Late Night Funny #4

Humor / Jokes /

Yahoo today announced that at least 500 million user accounts have been hacked, which would be one of the biggest cyber security breaches ever. They got information from 500 million people who are still inexplicably using Yahoo.

Jimmy Kimmel

Late Night Funny #3

Humor / Jokes /

Amazon in Japan is now offering a priest delivery service for Buddhists who don’t have a local temple. The box may look empty when it arrives, but after you gaze into it you realize the priest was inside you all along.

Seth Meyers

Late Night Funny #2

Humor / Jokes /

Media experts say Monday night’s presidential debate will have a Super Bowl-sized TV audience. Of course, the Super Bowl audience drinks for fun, but Monday’s debate audience will be drinking out of sheer terror.

Conan O'Brien

Blackadder's best insults by nationality!

Humor / Jokes /

Not because we're racist, but simply 'cos it's fun to stereotype and we all have the ability to laugh at ourselves... right?

Late Night Funny #1

Humor / Jokes /

Singer Marilyn Manson recently said he doesn’t plan on voting, because he doesn’t like Hillary Clinton or Donald Trump. That story, again — the 2016 election: Too scary for Marilyn Manson.

Jimmy Fallon

Bumper Snickers pt. 3

Humor / Jokes /

... continued from above

Save Your Breath ... You'll need it to blow up your date!

Forget world peace. Visualize using your turn signal.

My Hockey Mom Can Beat Up Your Soccer Mom.

GROW YOUR OWN DOPE, PLANT A MAN.

Continued below...

Bumper Snickers pt. 1

Humor / Jokes /

Could you drive any better if I shoved that cell phone up your butt?

If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you!

Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you're a jerk.

100,000 sperm and YOU were the fastest?

Continued below...

Regarding Daughters

Humor / Jokes /

Any father will tell ya that parents spend the first 2-3 years of a daughter's life trying to teach them to talk, and the next 15 or so trying to get them to shut-up.

The Art Collector

Humor / Jokes /

A famous art collector is walking through the city when he notices a mangy cat lapping milk from a saucer in the doorway of a store. He does a double take.

He knows that the saucer is extremely old and very valuable, so he walks casually into the store and offers to buy the cat for two dollars.

The storeowner replies, "I'm sorry, but the cat ...Read more

Grandma's Home

Humor / Jokes /

When I stopped the bus to pick up Chris for preschool, I noticed an older woman hugging him as he left the house. "Is that your grandmother?" I asked.

"Yes," Chris said. "She's come to visit us for Christmas."

"How nice," I said. "Where does she live?"

"At the airport," Chris replied. "Whenever we want her, we just go out there and get her."

Bumper Snickers pt. 4

Humor / Jokes /

... continued from above

We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.

We have enough youth, how about a fountain of SMART?

What is a "free" gift ? Aren't all gifts free?

When there's a will, I want to be in it.

Bumper Snickers pt. 3

Humor / Jokes /

... continued from above

Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!

The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

The secret of the universe is @*&^^^ NO CARRIER

There's too much blood in my caffeine system.

Continued below...

Bumper Snickers pt. 1

Humor / Jokes /

Okay, who put a "stop payment" on my reality check?

Oops. My brain just hit a bad sector.

Pentiums melt in your PC, not in your hand.

Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.

Continued below...

What Would Freud Say About These Places?

Humor / Jokes /

- Climax, Michigan
- Spread Eagle, Wisconsin
- Needmore, Arkansas
- Hardup, Utah
- Intercourse, Pennsylvania
- Hornytown, North Carolina
- Conception Junction, Missouri

Getting Gray?

Humor / Jokes /

One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.

She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?"

Her mother replied, "Well, every time ...Read more

Police House Calls

Humor / Jokes /

My partner and I were in our police car when we were dispatched to break up a domestic dispute. We spoke with the couple and the problem was quickly resolved.

On leaving, I was admiring the craftsmanship of their turn-of-the-century home and reached for what I thought was the front door.

Realizing my mistake, I was turning away in ...Read more

Arab P.R.

Humor / Jokes /

What do you call Arab public relations?

A: An oxymoron.

Candy Dispenser

Humor / Jokes /

While I was visiting my sister one evening, I took out a candy dispenser that was shaped like a miniature person. "How does that thing work?" she asked.

As I turned the figurine's arm to pop candy out, my sister laughed.

"I see ... it's a lot like my husband," she said. "You have to twist his arm to get anything out of him."

 
 

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