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Late Night Funny #4

Humor / Jokes /

A lot of people are upset that our president is appearing on a reality show. A little over a year from now, we might have a president who hosted a reality show. So get used to it...You know, Donald Trump?

Jimmy Kimmel

Late Night Funny #3

Humor / Jokes /

Obama was in Alaska today to raise awareness on climate change and while he was there, he taped an episode of "Running Wild With Bear Grylls" where celebrities eat mice and squirrels and drink bodily fluids. In this one, the president teaches us how to survive alone in the wilderness surrounded by 15 secret service agents disguised as trees.

...Read more

Late Night Funny #2

Humor / Jokes /

NBC just announced that President Obama will appear on an episode of “Running Wild With Bear Grylls” later this year. Yeah, I guess the episode features Obama roughing it on a golf course that hasn't been mowed for a couple of days.

Jimmy Fallon

Late Night Funny #1

Humor / Jokes /

The State Department just released another batch of Hillary’s e-mails from when she was Secretary of State. In the e-mails, Hillary asked an aide what time “The Good Wife” was on, how to charge her iPad, and how to get wi-fi. Hillary sounds less like the Secretary of State and more like my mom at a hotel.

entertainment/humor/jokes/s-1716401">Read more

Satisfying Your Partner

Humor / Jokes /

How to Satisfy a Woman Every Time:

Lick, paw, ogle, caress, praise, pamper, relish, savor, massage, empathize, serenade, compliment, support, dig, floralize, feed, laminate, tantalize, bathe, humor, placate, stimulate, jiffylube, stroke, console, bark, purr, hug, baste, marinate, coddle, excite, pacify, tattoo, protect, phone, ...Read more

Drawing the Line

Humor / Jokes /

A man who was unemployed for several months gets a job with Public Works painting lines down the center of rural roads. The supervisor tells him he is on probation and that he must stay at or above the set average of 2 miles per day to remain employed. The man agrees to the conditions and starts the next day.

The supervisor checks and ...Read more

Even More on Understanding a Woman's Language

Humor / Jokes /

"That's Okay" - This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you retributions for what ever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and used in conjunction with a raised eyebrow "Go ahead". At some point ...Read more

More on Understanding a Woman's Language

Humor / Jokes /

(loud sigh) - This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal statement very misunderstood by men. She thinks you are an idiot at that moment and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing".

(soft sigh) - Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. "Soft sighs" are one of the few things ...Read more

Understanding a Woman's Language

Humor / Jokes /

"Fine" - This is the word we use at the end of any argument that we feel we are right about but need to shut you up. NEVER use fine to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.

"Five minutes" - This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you...Read more

Late Night Funny #4

Humor / Jokes /

According to a new poll, Hillary Clinton has lost a third of her supporters in Iowa since May. There's still debate as to whether she lost them or just deleted them from her database.

Jimmy Kimmel

Late Night Funny #3

Humor / Jokes /

Trump is doing pretty well in the polls right now, and he’s pretty confident. Which may be why he’s said he doesn’t plan on running campaign ads that attack the other candidates. When asked who the ads would attack instead, he said "Their mothers! It's their fault those losers are here to begin with!"

entertainment/humor/jokes/s-1715893">Read more

Late Night Funny #2

Humor / Jokes /

At the end of his speech, Kanye West announced that he's running for president in 2020. He announced he’s running for president after smoking a bunch of weed. Then Obama was like, “Been there!”

Jimmy Kimmel

Late Night Funny #1

Humor / Jokes /

Sunday was the VMAs over on MTV, and Taylor Swift presented Kanye West with the Michael Jackson Video Vanguard Award. But there was little bit of a tense moment when Kanye West took the mic and said the award should have been given to Kanye West. It's you. Don't start this.

Jimmy Kimmel

Cowboy Musicians

Humor / Jokes /

Four cowboys are sitting on a mountain one night having a few cold ones around a campfire. One is a tuba player, one a trumpet player, one a conductor, and the last a coloratura soprano.

The tuba player tosses an empty can of Budweiser into the air, whips out his gun, and shoots it declaring "I just killed the king of beers!"

The trumpet ...Read more

Seeing Eye Dogs

Humor / Jokes /

Two guys were walking their dogs-one had a German Shepherd and the other had a Chihuahua. The man with the Shepherd suggested going into a bar for a drink. The other man said, "They're not going to let dogs into the bar."

The first guy said, "No? Watch this."

So he put on some dark glasses, acted like the German Shepherd was a seeing-eye ...Read more

What is Kitty?

Humor / Jokes /

A three-year-old boy went with his dad to see a new litter of kittens.

On returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother, "There were two boy kittens and two girl kittens."

"How did you know that?" his mother asked.

"Daddy picked them up and looked underneath," he replied. "I think it's printed on the bottom."

The Magician and the Parrot

Humor / Jokes /

A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again.

There was only one problem. The captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick. Once he understood he started ...Read more

Recent Quips From Late Night

Humor / Jokes /

"Immigration was the big issue of the week. Bush was in Cancun promoting his new video, 'Foreign Policy Gone Wild.'" --Bill Maher

"President Bush was greeted by protestors wearing President Bush masks. The president was overheard saying, 'I don't know who those people are, but their faces look familiar.'" --Conan O'Brien

"Saturday is April...Read more

Late Night Funny #4

Humor / Jokes /

There was a time when it seemed unimaginable that Joe Biden could ever be taken seriously enough to win his party's nomination, but Donald Trump just blew that idea right out the window.

Jimmy Kimmel

Late Night Funny #3

Humor / Jokes /

The CEO of Starbucks sent the message to Starbucks employees yesterday, instructing them to be sensitive to customers who might be feeling stressed out about the market. I like that the place that charges $5 for a cup of coffee is concerned about our finances.

Jimmy Kimmel

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