Humor

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Entertainment

Late Night Funny #4

Humor / Jokes /

How bad must it feel to not get the job with al-Qaida. "We don't feel you are right for the job at this time."

Jimmy Kimmel

Late Night Funny #3

Humor / Jokes /

I'd like to see a job interview for al-Qaida: "I see you spent eight years hating the great devil of the West. Can you tell me more?"

Jimmy Kimmel

Late Night Funny #2

Humor / Jokes /

Three Southwest Airlines baggage handlers are accused of smuggling drugs in luggage. The officials became suspicious when every single one of the Southwest bags made it to its destination.

Conan O'Brien

Late Night Funny #1

Humor / Jokes /

Bruce Springsteen is selling his house in Beverly Hills for around $70 million. And for that much money, the house actually comes WITH Bruce Springsteen.

Jimmy Fallon

School Age

Humor / Jokes /

Billy had reached school age. His mother managed with a blast of propaganda to make him enthusiastic about the idea.

She bought him lots of new clothes, told him of the new friends he'd meet, and so on.

When the first day came, Billy eagerly went off and came back home with a lot of glowing reports about school.

The next morning when ...Read more

Cross Country

Humor / Jokes /

When we moved cross-country, my wife and I decided to drive both of our cars. Nathan, our eight-year-old, worriedly asked, "How will we keep from getting separated?"

"We'll drive slowly so that one car can follow the other," I reassured him.

"Yeah, but what if we DO get separated?" he persisted.

"Well, then I guess we'll never see each ...Read more

Cold Water Cleaning

Humor / Jokes /

John went to visit his 90 year old grandfather in a very secluded, rural area of Georgia.

After spending a great evening chatting the night away, John's grandfather prepared breakfast of bacon, eggs and toast. However, John noticed a film like substance on his plate, and questioned his grandfather asking, "Are these plates clean?"

His ...Read more

Ham Dinner

Humor / Jokes /

A young woman was preparing a ham dinner. After she cut off the end of the ham, she placed it in a pan for baking. Her friend asked her,"Why did you cut off the end of the ham"? And she replied ,"I really don't know but my mother always did, so I thought you were supposed to."

Later when talking to her mother she asked her why she cut off the ...Read more

Luck?

Humor / Jokes /

A 55-year-old man who was born on May 5, has been married 5 years, has 5 children, makes $55,555.55 a year, who's lucky number is 5 receives a phone call from a friend.

The friend informs the man that a horse named Lucky 5 will be running in the fifth race at the local track that evening. Excitedly, the man withdraws 5,555.00 cash from his...Read more

Late Night Funny #4

Humor / Jokes /

Scientists working on The Syracuse University Lava Project have discovered how to grill a steak using lava. The hard part is getting the cow up on the volcano.

Seth Meyers

Late Night Funny #3

Humor / Jokes /

This is a real question on the al-Qaida job application: "Have you ever been in jail or prison?" Usually that is a bad thing but in this case I don't know.

Jimmy Kimmel

Late Night Funny #2

Humor / Jokes /

President Obama set a Guinness World Record as the fastest person to get a million Twitter followers. Obama now has as many followers as the Republicans have presidential candidates.

Conan O'Brien

Late Night Funny #1

Humor / Jokes /

Alfonso Ribeiro will replace Tom Bergeron as the new host of “America's Funniest Home Videos.” It’s great news for all those fans who watch “America’s Funniest Home Videos” for the host.

Jimmy Fallon

Turkey Football

Humor / Jokes /

The pro football team had just finished their daily practice session when a large turkey came strutting onto the field. While the players gazed in amazement, the turkey walked up to the head coach and demanded a tryout. Everyone stared in silence as the turkey caught pass after pass and ran right through the defensive line. When the turkey ...Read more

Rules For Choosing A Superhero Name

Humor / Jokes /

Don't call yourself by your real name: e.g., The Incredible Jenny Pinchuck, The Amazing Stevie Foster.

Don't call yourself by someone else's real name: e.g., Super Teddy Kennedy, Captain Dean Martin.

Choose a name that suggests power, heroism and prowess: e.g., Captain Power, Thunderman, Mr. Invincible, Justiceman.

Don't be too modest: e.g.,...Read more

Cadets

Humor / Jokes /

The following is a quote from a director of sports infor- mation in the Navy, regarding the theft of some mascots from the Naval Academy by Army rivals:

"We knew Army cadets were involved because they cut through two fences to get to the goats, and 15 feet away there was an unlocked gate."

Quick Quotes

Humor / Jokes /

"I think that's how Chicago got started. A bunch of people in New York said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn't cold enough. Let's go west.'" --Richard Jeni

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"They do a lot of animal testing in the cosmetics industry, maybe they should brag about it in their ads. 'Aquanet hair spray, if it can blind a ...Read more

Quick Quotes

Humor / Jokes /

"Yesterday, a group of scientists warned that because of global warming, sea levels will rise so much that parts of New Jersey will be under water. The bad news? Parts of New Jersey won't be under water." --Conan O'Brien

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"The town of Clark, Texas has agreed to change its name to Dish, Texas after the dish network gave all its ...Read more

Late Night Funny #4

Humor / Jokes /

Chelsea Clinton has written a children's book titled “It’s Your World: Get Informed, Get Inspired & Get Going.” It’s a great book to read to your workaholic toddler.

Seth Meyers

Late Night Funny #3

Humor / Jokes /

I'd like to see a job interview for al-Qaida: "I see you spent eight years hating the great devil of the West. Can you tell me more?"

Jimmy Kimmel

 

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