A Tennessee man with the word "Psycho" tattooed on his forehead was arrested this week for stabbing someone in the stomach. Of course, if you have a tattoo on your forehead, no matter what it says, it says "Psycho."
Jeb Bush’s mother, former First Lady Barbara Bush, joined him on the campaign trail yesterday for the first time. Though she did emphasize that she still hasn’t decided who she’s voting for.
A tattoo artist in Vermont is offering free Bernie Sanders tattoos. Yeah, they're actually the first tattoos that start to look BETTER as you develop wrinkles.
I saw that George W. Bush is now appearing in a campaign ad supporting his brother’s presidential campaign. Jeb says he hopes it will help him win over a very specific group of undecided voters: his parents.
A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagonload of wheat on the road. The farmer that lived nearby came to investigate.
"Hey, Willis," he called out, "forget your troubles for a while and come and have dinner with us. Then I'll help you overturn the wagon."
"That's very nice of you," Willis answered, "but I don't think Dad would like me to." ...Read more
There was a man driving down the road behind an 18 wheeler, at every stoplight the trucker would get out of the cab, run back and bang on the trailer door. After seeing this at several intersections in a row the motorist followed him until he pulled into a parking lot.
When they both had come to a stop the truck driver once again jumped out and...Read more
An overweight blonde consulted her doctor for advice. The doctor advised that she run ten miles a day for thirty days. This, he promised, would help her lose as many as twenty pounds.
The blonde followed the doctor's advice, and, after thirty days, she was pleased to find that she had indeed lost the pesky twenty pounds. She phoned the doctor ...Read more
The American Board of Health has proposed that warning signs be placed on all alcohol bottles to tip off drinkers about the possible peril of drinking a pint or two of any alcoholic beverage.
1. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to wake up with a breath that could knock a buzzard off a wreaking dead animal that is one hundred yards ...Read more
The SiegeJames Hanna
One hundred inmates hold twelve guards hostage in the laundry dorm of the Indiana Penal Farm. Tom Hemmings, a dorm counselor, has been conscripted to defuse the standoff. But the inmates are divided into rival gangs, the guards into feuding unions. And the prison administration has sparked ...
My dog chewed the tongue on one of my new, expensive running shoes. I hoped to save my investment, so I took the sneakers to a shoe repair shop. I placed them on the counter and told the man, "My dog got hold of this."
The repairman picked up the shoe, looked it over, and placed it back down on the counter. "Well, what do you recommend?" I ...Read more
You guys like the website Amazon.com? It's like eBay, but the things you buy don't arrive smelling like cigarettes. Amazon is planning to open hundreds of actual physical bookstores. That's exciting because you don't see those much anymore and I think this could be the start of a whole trend of online retailers going real-world. For example, ...Read more
A tattoo shop in Vermont is currently offering a free tattoo of the outline of Bernie Sanders’ head. Or as they’re calling it, a “gramp stamp.”
The newest issue of Playboy does not feature any full-frontal nudity and instead focuses on social media. So be sure to pick up the final issue of Playboy.
Americans spent $5.4 billion on legal marijuana last year, which is more than they spent on Doritos, Cheetos, and Funyuns combined. Stoners would respond, but they were busy thinking about Doritos, Cheetos, and Funyuns combined.
- Reason to smile: Every 7 minutes of every day, someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring.
- One of life's mysteries is how a 2 pound box of candy can make a woman gain 5 lbs.
- The best way to forget all your troubles is to wear tight shoes.
- The nice part about living in a small town is that when you don't know what you're doing, ...Read more
Young Judy was having trouble with her computer, so she called Tony, the computer guy, over to her desk.
Tony clicked a couple buttons and solved the problem. As he was walking away, Judy called after him, "So, what was wrong?"
He replied, "It was an ID Ten T Error."
A puzzled expression came over Judy's face. "An ID Ten T Error?
What's that...Read more
What is posthumous work?
Something written by someone after they are dead!
What is the most slippery country in the world?
What is the strongest bird?
What is the smelliest city in America?
What did the fireman's wife get for Christmas?
A ladder in her stocking!
Who was the best ...Read more
Why did the Romans build straight roads?
So their soldiers didn't go around the bend!
When a knight in armour was killed in battle, what sign did they put on his grave?
Rust in peace!
What famous chiropodist ruled England?
William the Corn-cutter!
What English King invented the fireplace?
Alfred the grate!
What's ...Read more
Why don't apples smile when you go bobbing?
Because they're crab apples!
What do you call a dog owned by Dracula?
A blood hound!
What keeps ghouls happy?
The knowledge that every shroud has a silver lining!
What do you call a demon who slurps his food?
What do you have to take to become a coroner?
A ...Read more
Another man called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas. When I pulled up the reservation, I noticed he had a 1 hour lay-over in Dallas. When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said "I heard Dallas was a big airport and I need a car to drive between the gates to save time."
Cassie was taking two of her grandsons on their very first train ride, from Dayton, Ohio, to Washington, DC.
A vendor came down the corridor selling Pop Rocks, something neither had ever seen before. Cassie bought each grandson a bag.
The first one eagerly tore open the bag and popped one into his mouth just as the train went into a tunnel. ...Read more