My partner and I were in our police car when we were dispatched to break up a domestic dispute. We spoke with the couple and the problem was quickly resolved.
On leaving, I was admiring the craftsmanship of their turn-of-the-century home and reached for what I thought was the front door.
Realizing my mistake, I was turning away in ...Read more
What do you call Arab public relations?
A: An oxymoron.
While I was visiting my sister one evening, I took out a candy dispenser that was shaped like a miniature person. "How does that thing work?" she asked.
As I turned the figurine's arm to pop candy out, my sister laughed.
"I see ... it's a lot like my husband," she said. "You have to twist his arm to get anything out of him."
Whenever my aunt went to the doctor, she would complain to me about the long delay she always endured. One day, when my aunt's name was finally called, she was asked to step on the scale. "I need to get your weight today," said the nurse.
Without a moment's hesitation, my aunt replied, "One hour and 45 minutes!"
What's black and blue and brown and laying in a ditch?
A brunette who's told too many blonde jokes.
What do you call going on a blind date with a brunette?
What's the real reason a brunette keeps her figure?
No one else wants it.
Why are so many blonde jokes one-liners?
So brunettes can remember ...Read more
Emma Watson gave a speech about gender inequality on college campuses. If there is one issue Emma Watson is familiar with, it is large educational institutions being run by an old white guy.
A company has come out with a new smartphone-connected candle that can light or extinguish itself on command. Of course, Samsung already has a phone that can light without a command.
In California, two women have been arrested for holding a group of men hostage and making them work for several months on a marijuana farm. The men said they wanted to escape but they never got around to it.
We know you want more Key & Peele -- indulge in the ultimate sketch experience with curated collections, GIFs, memes and an illustrated dictionary.
House Speaker Paul Ryan was at the airport and didn’t recognize a three-year congresswoman from Massachusetts. And even asked her, “So what do you do?” Ryan realized she was a congresswoman when she answered, “Nothing.”
As the bus pulled away, I realized I had left my purse under the seat. Later I called the company and was relieved that the driver had found my bag. When I went to pick it up, several off-duty bus drivers surrounded me.
One man handed me my pocketbook, two typewritten pages and a box containing the contents of my purse. "We're required to ...Read more
Q: What do you call a grumpy cow?
Q. Why do aliens make crop circles?
A. Because they are corny.
Why is brunette considered an evil color?
When was the last time you saw a blonde witch?
No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair. ...Read more
One reason that more people weren’t hurt is that this jerk left duffel bags on the street, and two of the bombs were discovered by thieves snatching bags. Because, as all New Yorkers know: If you see something, steal something.
Donald Trump held a press conference Friday where he announced that he believes President Obama was born in the U.S. Said Trump, “I hope that settles the issue. That Muslim was born here.”
It’s come out that Hillary Clinton is having a hard time connecting with millennial voters. So now she’s saying that last week’s coughing spell was actually due to a massive bong hit.
Jonathan Winters & Robin Williams in one of the funniest moments on Johnny Carson's show. Airdate 10-19-1991.
They just announced that during the second presidential debate the moderators will be picking questions based off of what's trending on Facebook. Which will explain their opening question, "Is Blac Chyna too good for Rob?"