A lot of people are upset because Jeb Bush used the term "anchor babies" to describe children born of illegal immigrants. Calling a child an anchor baby is almost as derogatory as calling a child Jeb. But he was in McAllen, Texas, defending himself, reminding everyone that his wife is Mexican. You don't mention that your wife is Mexican as much ...Read more
It is rumored that the new iPhones are going to use facial recognition technology to unlock your phone. Of course, if you live in Los Angeles the iPhone will store up to six of your previous faces.
Yesterday China's stock market crashed causing many of its richest citizens to lose millions. In a related story, Jackie Chan just signed on for "Rush Hour" five through 10. He'll make all of them. Pretty good for a 74-year-old man.
1. Blaming your farts on me... not funny... not funny at all !!!
2. Yelling at me for barking.. I'M A FRIGGIN' DOG, YOU IDIOT!
3. Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check stuff out. Exactly whose walk is this anyway?
4. Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose... stop it!
5. Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons. Now ...Read more
1. Won't acknowledge enormous cultural contributions of Howie Mandel.
2. We're pretty sure they're holding Wayne Gretzky down there against his will.
3. Every time we mention the city "Regina," they won't stop giggling.
4. Incredibly, they only have one word for "snow"
5. In American encyclopedias, Canada is often called "North Dakota's gay...Read more
Joe's chemistry teacher wanted to teach his ninth grade class a lesson on the evils of liquor so he produced a glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms. "Observe" he told his class as he began to put one of the worms in the glass of water. This worm swam about freely and looked as happy as can be. He then put the second worm in the ...Read more
If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older, then it dawned on me . . they're cramming for their final exam.
I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so...Read more
Lost Ties: A Journey by ImageTim Anthony
The book of art work contains descriptive works in three parts. The first section contains a run of "stills" from an imaginary screen play the artist conjured up. Over time, as the images developed, a sequence of chronological flow, time and story ensued. This all happened by accident but ...
"We estimate that there are perhaps 20,000 prehistoric hunter-gatherers frozen up in those glaciers. Now, if they simply thaw and wander around, it's not a problem, but if they find a leader -- a Captain Caveman, if you will -- we'll be facing an even more serious problem." --Daily Show correspondent John Hodgman, on the dangers of global ...Read more
Jeb Bush has photo shopped a photo for an ad which gives him a black left hand and a much different looking body. Jeb just can't get it right. I wonder if his black hand handshake is different from the white hand handshake.
Donald Trump had a rally at a football stadium in Mobile, Alabama, after planning to have it in a hotel ballroom. It got too big for the ballroom, so they moved it to the convention center. It got too big for the convention center, so they moved it to a football stadium. Apparently the strategy of saying whatever crazy thing pops into your head ...Read more
A 108-year-old message in a bottle washed up on a beach in Europe. Actually, it wasn't a message, it was Larry King's to-do list.
Today China's stock market went down 8 percent and France and Germany's both went down 5 percent. When asked for comment Greece said, "boo-hoo."
A man returns to the U.S. from Africa feeling very ill. He goes to see his doctor, and is immediately rushed to the hospital, to undergo a barrage of extensive tests.
The man wakes up after the tests in a private room at the hospital, and the phone by his bed rings.
"This is your doctor. We've had the results back from your tests and we've...Read more
Jack made his way through veterinary school working nights as a taxidermist.
Upon graduation, he decided he could combine his two vocations to better serve the needs of his patients and their owners, while doubling his practice and, therefore, his income.
He opened his own offices with a shingle on the door saying, "Dr. Jones, Veterinary ...Read more
Two gas company servicemen, a senior training supervisor and a young trainee, were out checking meters in a suburban neighborhood. They parked their truck at the end of the alley and worked their way to the other end. At the last house a woman looking out her kitchen window watched the two men as they checked her gas meter.
Finishing the ...Read more
Hammer - In ancient times a hammer was used to inflict pain on ones enemies. Modern hammers are used to inflict pain on oneself.
Screwdriver - The drink ordered at the local bar after you call in a professional repairman to undo the $500 in damage you did while trying to change out a light socket with your handy screwdriver.
Phillips ...Read more
If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
Why do we say something is out of whack? What's a whack?
If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
When someone asks you, A penny for your thoughts, and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other ...Read more
Trump was also recently quoted saying he can't remember the last time he apologized. His barber said, "Well, I definitely remember the last time I apologized."
Donald Trump had an interview with CNN in the lobby of the Trump Tower Hotel this week, and apparently someone yelled, "You'll never win the Latino vote." And then immediately, Trump had the guy deported over to La Quinta Hotel.