Humor

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Police House Calls

Humor / Jokes /

My partner and I were in our police car when we were dispatched to break up a domestic dispute. We spoke with the couple and the problem was quickly resolved.

On leaving, I was admiring the craftsmanship of their turn-of-the-century home and reached for what I thought was the front door.

Realizing my mistake, I was turning away in ...Read more

Arab P.R.

Humor / Jokes /

What do you call Arab public relations?

A: An oxymoron.

Candy Dispenser

Humor / Jokes /

While I was visiting my sister one evening, I took out a candy dispenser that was shaped like a miniature person. "How does that thing work?" she asked.

As I turned the figurine's arm to pop candy out, my sister laughed.

"I see ... it's a lot like my husband," she said. "You have to twist his arm to get anything out of him."

I need to get your weight today

Humor / Jokes /

Whenever my aunt went to the doctor, she would complain to me about the long delay she always endured. One day, when my aunt's name was finally called, she was asked to step on the scale. "I need to get your weight today," said the nurse.

Without a moment's hesitation, my aunt replied, "One hour and 45 minutes!"

The Blondes Fight Back

Humor / Jokes /

What's black and blue and brown and laying in a ditch?
A brunette who's told too many blonde jokes.

What do you call going on a blind date with a brunette?
Brown-bagging it.

What's the real reason a brunette keeps her figure?
No one else wants it.

Why are so many blonde jokes one-liners?
So brunettes can remember ...Read more

Late Night Funny #4

Humor / Jokes /

Emma Watson gave a speech about gender inequality on college campuses. If there is one issue Emma Watson is familiar with, it is large educational institutions being run by an old white guy.

James Corden

Late Night Funny #3

Humor / Jokes /

A company has come out with a new smartphone-connected candle that can light or extinguish itself on command. Of course, Samsung already has a phone that can light without a command.

Seth Meyers

Late Night Funny #2

Humor / Jokes /

In California, two women have been arrested for holding a group of men hostage and making them work for several months on a marijuana farm. The men said they wanted to escape but they never got around to it.

Conan O'Brien

Key & Peele - Black Republicans

Humor / Jokes /

We know you want more Key & Peele -- indulge in the ultimate sketch experience with curated collections, GIFs, memes and an illustrated dictionary.

Late Night Funny #1

Humor / Jokes /

House Speaker Paul Ryan was at the airport and didn’t recognize a three-year congresswoman from Massachusetts. And even asked her, “So what do you do?” Ryan realized she was a congresswoman when she answered, “Nothing.”

Jimmy Fallon

Lost & Found

Humor / Jokes /

As the bus pulled away, I realized I had left my purse under the seat. Later I called the company and was relieved that the driver had found my bag. When I went to pick it up, several off-duty bus drivers surrounded me.

One man handed me my pocketbook, two typewritten pages and a box containing the contents of my purse. "We're required to ...Read more

Grumpy, Not Mad

Humor / Jokes /

Q: What do you call a grumpy cow?

A: Moo-dy

Crop Circles

Humor / Jokes /

Q. Why do aliens make crop circles?

A. Because they are corny.

Evil Brunettes

Humor / Jokes /

Why is brunette considered an evil color?

When was the last time you saw a blonde witch?

Great Truths About Life That Kids Know

Humor / Jokes /

No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.

When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.

If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.

Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.

You can't trust dogs to watch your food.

Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair. ...Read more

Late Night Funny #4

Humor / Jokes /

One reason that more people weren’t hurt is that this jerk left duffel bags on the street, and two of the bombs were discovered by thieves snatching bags. Because, as all New Yorkers know: If you see something, steal something.

Stephen Colbert

Late Night Funny #3

Humor / Jokes /

Donald Trump held a press conference Friday where he announced that he believes President Obama was born in the U.S. Said Trump, “I hope that settles the issue. That Muslim was born here.”

Seth Meyers

Late Night Funny #2

Humor / Jokes /

It’s come out that Hillary Clinton is having a hard time connecting with millennial voters. So now she’s saying that last week’s coughing spell was actually due to a massive bong hit.

Conan O'Brien

Jonathan Winters & Robin Williams in Funniest Moments on Johnny Carson's Tonight Show

Humor / Jokes /

Jonathan Winters & Robin Williams in one of the funniest moments on Johnny Carson's show. Airdate 10-19-1991.

Late Night Funny #1

Humor / Jokes /

They just announced that during the second presidential debate the moderators will be picking questions based off of what's trending on Facebook. Which will explain their opening question, "Is Blac Chyna too good for Rob?"

Jimmy Fallon

 
 

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