The phone rang as I was sitting down to my anticipated evening meal and, as I answered, I was greeted with, "Is this Wilhiam Wagenhoss?"
This didn't sound anything like my name, so I asked, "Who is calling?"
The telemarketer said he was with The Rubberband-Powered Freezer Company or something like that and then I asked him if he knew Wilhiam ...Read more
1. It doesn't take minutes to build the picture when you change TV channels.
2. When was the last time you tuned in to "Friends" and got a "Not Found 404" message?
3. There are fewer grating color schemes on TV--even on MTV.
4. The family never argues over which Web site to visit this evening.
5. A remote control has fewer buttons than a ...Read more
A military cargo plane, flying over a populated area, suddenly loses power and starts to nose down. The pilot tries to pull up, but with all their cargo, the plane is too heavy. So he yells to the soldiers in back to throw things out to make the plane lighter. They throw out a pistol. "Throw out more!" shouts the pilot. So they throw out a rifle...Read more
A out-of-towner in New York at the height of the tourist season decided to revisit an uptown restaurant he'd enjoyed on a previous trip to the city.
Finally catching the eye of an overworked waiter, he said, "You know, it's been over five years since I first came in here."
"I'm sorry, but you'll have to wait your turn, sir," replied the waiter...Read more
How is the witches team doing?
They're having a spell in the first division!
How do you make a werewolf stew?
Keep him waiting for two hours!
What do you call a skeleton that is always telling lies?
A boney phoney!
What does Mrs Dracula say to Mr Dracula when he goes out to work in the evening?
"Have a nice bite"!
Recently released documents show that former New York Governor Eliot Spitzer donated $50,000 to Martin O’Malley’s presidential campaign. It’s not the first time Spitzer spent that much on something that only lasted an hour.
An associate of Osama bin Laden's who is currently being held prisoner in Guantanamo Bay was recently found to have a Match.com profile. I guess we know the answer to the question, "Your place or mine?"
Sarah Palin accused Ted Cruz of lying about Ben Carson and stealing the Iowa caucus. This is my favorite thing in politics, when people lie and cheat to get the evangelical Christian vote.
The Mystery of Jessica BensonC.K. Laurence
Jessica Benson is hot, beautiful, bisexual and dead. Her life and death intersects the drama of a professional football team and the detectives who are on the case. The author has been a student of crime activity and weaves an exciting story of mystery and intrigue, ...
On Monday, Hillary Clinton narrowly won in Iowa, with the final results showing that she beat Bernie Sanders by less than 1 percent. And you thought Bernie was mad at the 1 percent BEFORE.
My friend Nancy and I decided to introduce her elderly mother to the magic of the Internet. Our first move was to access Google, and we told her it could answer any question she had.
Nancy's mother was very skeptical until Nancy said, "It's true, Mom.
"Think of something to ask it." As I sat with fingers poised over the keyboard, Nancy's ...Read more
"With so many politicians being taken down by sex scandals this year, I tip my hat to Wisconsin Secretary of State candidate Sandy Sullivan who has written a book detailing her sexual exploits with multiple members of the Green Bay Packers during the team's heyday in the 1960s. It is so refreshing to see a candidate whose closet has been so ...Read more
When a teacher closes his eyes, why should it remind him of an empty classroom?
Because there are no pupils to see!
Why did the teacher put the lights on?
Because the class was so dim!
How did Vikings communicate?
By norse code!
Teacher: How much is half of 8?
Pupil: Up and down or across?
Teacher: What do you ...Read more
What kinds of tests do they give witches?
Father: What did the teacher think of your idea?
Son: She took it like a lamb
Teacher: Really?, what did she say?
What do history teachers make when they want to get together?
What do they talk about?
The good old days!
Teacher: ...Read more
What is a worm's favorite band?
What is the maggot army called?
The Apple Corps!
Why didn't the two worms get on Noah's Ark in an apple?
Because everyone had to go on in pairs!
Who is the worm's Prime Minister?
How can you tell if you are looking at a police glow worm?
it has a blue light!...Read more
Ben and Jerry's has announced that they're coming out with vegan ice cream, hopefully with actual chunks of vegan.
Ted Cruz's victory last night raises a lot of questions, like one: "Can he keep this momentum going into New Hampshire?" And two: "Just how much does it cost to move to Canada?"
The National Chicken Council has released something called the wing report in which they estimate that Americans will eat a record 1.3 billion chicken wings during the Super Bowl this year. I'd like to imagine a group of chickens gathered around a conference table making decisions about things.
The Bernie Sanders campaign is demanding proof that Hillary Clinton beat him in yesterday’s Iowa caucus. Today Hillary said, "Sure, let me check my server."
My husband, Ray, was attempting to build a patio for the first time. He bought 100 cement blocks. Laying them out in a pattern, he discovered the chosen area was too small.
He stacked the blocks against the house and cleared more space. The next day Ray put the cement blocks back down, only to find that the ground was too hard to keep the patio...Read more
A blonde decides to learn and try horse back riding assisted without any experience or lessons. She mounts the horse with great effort, and the tall, shiny horse springs into motion.
It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. Out of sheer terror, she grabs for the horse's mane but cannot seem ...Read more