How Harry Potter Should Have Ended
In less than 140 characters these characters now sound like idiots.
There’s these allegations that Russia has compromising information on Donald Trump. It’s all based on 35 pages of opposition research that was evidently put together by a British MI6 agent. Yesterday, we didn’t know his name, and now we know his name is Steele — Christopher Steele. So, a Brit spy named Steele? Is he Remington Steele’s ...Read more
Children’s magazine Highlights has announced that its next issue will include a picture of a same-sex couple for the first time in its 70-year history. Making it the easiest game of “what’s wrong with this picture” Mike Pence has ever played.
Donald Trump has named 72-year-old Rudy Giuliani to be his adviser on cybersecurity. Trump explained, “I’m not up to speed on the latest technology, so I wanted to get somebody two years older.”
Inspired by Starbucks's Race Together campaign, Pepboys launches its own initiative to encourage employees and customers to discuss gender and sexual identity: Genderflect.
Penthouse is offering a million dollars to anyone who has compromising videos of Donald Trump. When he heard about the offer, Trump provided the videos himself. “I know a good deal when I see one.”
A man received a phone call one day, and the caller asked if he had lost a parrot. He said that he had indeed lost the bird, but wanted to know how the caller located him.
The called said that the bird had landed on his balcony and kept repeating, "Hi, you have reached 555-1234. I can't come to the phone right now, please leave a message at the...Read more
The Mystery of Jessica BensonC.K. Laurence
Jessica Benson is hot, beautiful, bisexual and dead. Her life and death intersects the drama of a professional football team and the detectives who are on the case. The author has been a student of crime activity and weaves an exciting story of mystery and intrigue, ...
The New York Times, among other papers, recently published a new Hubble photograph of distant galaxies colliding. Of course, astronomers have had pictures of colliding galaxies for quite some time now, but with the vastly improved resolution provided by the Hubble Space Telescope, you can actually see the lawyers rushing to the scene.
Engineering classes at the University of Maryland are tough, and struggling students sometimes go to extremes in order to pass. Grading exams one semester, I got to this question: "What is the relationship between kinetic and potential energy?"
One student, obviously stumped, decided to get clever and wrote, "As far as I know, they're ...Read more
1. No name perfume which costs you $1.99, such as Eu de Toilet, which actually smells like the bathroom, moldy fruit, or your dirty socks. If you are going to buy her perfume, spring for the brand names.
2. Any type of cubic zirconia jewelry you see on the Home Shopping Network. It will be quite embarrassing when she is showing off that ...Read more
I wanted to buy a CD player, but was completely perplexed by one model's promotional sign. So I called the salesclerk over and asked, "What does 'hybrid pulse D/A converter' mean?"
He said, "That means that this machine will read the digital information that is encoded on CDs and convert it into an audio signal."
"In other words," I said...Read more
Nintendo explains how parents can control which games their kids experience on Switch, and how long they play them.
I was a gullible child, don't give me that look.
President Obama is wrapping things up at the White House. You know, cleaning out his desk, handing over the keys, and spackling over the holes in the office wall so he can get the security deposit back, squeeze a little toothpaste in there.
The head of the office of government ethics said yesterday that the only way for Donald Trump to completely avoid conflicts of interest is to sell his assets and place them in a blind trust. Trump was like, “Fine, I trust Ivanka.”
The CIA is now saying that the Kremlin has multiple sexual recordings of Donald Trump. After hearing this, Trump smirked and said, “Yeah, all from the same night… #stamina.”
President-elect Donald Trump (Alec Baldwin) holds his first press conference since getting elected.No body
A real estate salesman had just closed his first deal, only to discover that the piece of land he had sold was completely under water.
“That customer's going to come back here pretty mad,” he said to his boss. “Should I give him his money back?”
“Money back?” roared the boss. “What kind of salesman are you? Get out there and sell...Read more