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9 Horrifying Characters Aimed At Children

Humor / Jokes /

We can't help but think that some stressed out, angry parents conceived these characters.

Late Night Funny #4

Humor / Jokes /

A man in Ireland has created a working Batman outfit with 23 different features. So now you've just got to kick back and wait for somebody to murder his parents.

Seth Meyers

Late Night Funny #3

Humor / Jokes /

There are rumors that Olympic swimmer Ryan Lochte has signed a deal to appear on the next season of "Dancing with the Stars." It'll be nice for Lochte to have three people judging him instead of the whole country.

James Corden

Late Night Funny #2

Humor / Jokes /

Donald Trump’s campaign is now saying he didn’t change his immigration plan, he just changed the words he used to describe it. They also said Trump hasn’t been married three times, he’s just changed the person he calls "wife."

Conan O'Brien

Kevin Smith: "You're the Face I Wake Up To"

Humor / Jokes /

The 'Yoga Hosers' director and Late Show superfan tells Stephen "every morning I sit there and wake-and-bake with you."

Late Night Funny #1

Humor / Jokes /

Politico is now reporting that Hillary Clinton's campaign is using a run-out-the-clock strategy against Donald Trump, hoping to just outlast him until November. "Sounds like a good plan," said Ted Cruz, Marco Rubio, Jeb Bush, and John Kasich.

Jimmy Fallon

Cheerios pt. 3

Humor / Jokes /

... continued from above

So, she does it. The boy cheerio is starting to get upset at this because he really wants her. So he tells himself that he will go through the pain for her, and becomes a cinnamon-apple cheerio. She then changes to a honey-nut cheerio!

He decides that this is the last time that he will change cheerio type. He does it, ...Read more

Guard Dog

Humor / Jokes /

Sam and George owned a store in the outskirts of San Francisco. It had been burglarized several times in the past year and Sam decided to buy a guard dog.

Shopping for one, Sam found himself in Chinatown, at a pet store whose sign boasted, The Best Guard Dogs That Money Will Buy. He entered the store, but much to his disappointment, all the...Read more

Lost Dr. Seuss Poem?

Humor / Jokes /

I love my job, I love the pay.
I love it more and more each day.
I love my boss; he is the best.
I love his boss and all the rest.

I love my office and its location.
I hate to have to go on vacation.
I love my furniture, drab and gray,
And the paper that piles up every day.

I love my chair in my padded cell....Read more

Bill Paying

Humor / Jokes /

A wholesale dealer who had a lot of trouble in getting a certain retailer to pay his bills finally lost patience and wrote the merchant a threatening letter.

He received the following reply: "Dear Sir: What do you mean by writing me a letter like that? Every month I place all my bills in a hat and then figure out how much money I have to ...Read more

Truck Driver

Humor / Jokes /

There was a man driving down the road behind an 18 wheeler, at every stoplight the trucker would get out of the cab, run back and bang on the trailer door. After seeing this at several intersections in a row the motorist followed him until he pulled into a parking lot.

When they both had come to a stop the truck driver once again jumped ...Read more

Traveling Tip

Humor / Jokes /

Here's a little tip from me to you as an experienced traveler. Wake-up calls are the worst way to wake up. The phone rings, it's loud and you can't turn it down.

I leave the number of the room next to me.

It just rings very quietly and you hear a guy yell,

"Why are you calling me?"

Then you get up and take a shower. It's great.

Quick One

Humor / Jokes /

Q. What's the difference between a King's son, a monkey's mother, a bald head, and an orphan?

A. One's an heir apparent, the next is a hairy parent, the next has no hair apparent, and the last has nary a parent.

Dentist...

Humor / Jokes /

A dentist, after completing work on a patient, came to him begging.

Dentist: Could you help me? Could you give out a few of your loudest, most painful screams?

Patient: Why? Doctor, it wasn't all that bad this time.

Dentist: There are so many people in the waiting room right now, and I don't want to miss the four o'clock ball game.

First Class?

Humor / Jokes /

A beautiful young blonde woman boards a plane to LA with a ticket for the coach section. She looks at the seats in coach and then looks ahead to the first class seats. Seeing that the first class seats appear to be much larger and more comfortable, she moves forward to the last empty one. The flight attendant checks her ticket and tells ...Read more

Trouble with R's

Humor / Jokes /

A young schoolboy was having a hard time pronouncing the letter ''R,'' and all the other kids were, of course, teasing him about it. To help him out, the teacher gave him a sentence to practice at home: ''Robert gave Richard a rap in the ribs for roasting the rabbit so rare.'' In class a few days later, the teacher asked the boy to recite...Read more

Boy, Officer, and Squirrel

Humor / Jokes /

A policeman caught a nasty little boy with a penknife in one hand and a squirrel in the other.

"Now listen here," the policeman said, "Whatever you do to that poor, defenseless creature I shall personally do to you"

"In that case," said the boy, "I'll kiss it on the forehead and let it go"

Baste a turkey

Humor / Jokes /

A State Police colleague of mine once received a call from a woman who asked him how to baste a turkey. After a stunned moment, he, being a fairly good cook, described the procedure. Then he asked, "But why would you call the State Police to find out how to baste a turkey?"

There was only a slight hesitation before she replied, "Well, you knew,...Read more

 
 

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