Humor

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Entertainment

Late Night Funny #4

Humor / Jokes /

According to a new poll, Hillary Clinton has lost a third of her supporters in Iowa since May. There's still debate as to whether she lost them or just deleted them from her database.

Jimmy Kimmel

Late Night Funny #3

Humor / Jokes /

Trump is doing pretty well in the polls right now, and he’s pretty confident. Which may be why he’s said he doesn’t plan on running campaign ads that attack the other candidates. When asked who the ads would attack instead, he said "Their mothers! It's their fault those losers are here to begin with!"

entertainment/humor/jokes/s-1715893">Read more

Late Night Funny #2

Humor / Jokes /

At the end of his speech, Kanye West announced that he's running for president in 2020. He announced he’s running for president after smoking a bunch of weed. Then Obama was like, “Been there!”

Jimmy Kimmel

Late Night Funny #1

Humor / Jokes /

Sunday was the VMAs over on MTV, and Taylor Swift presented Kanye West with the Michael Jackson Video Vanguard Award. But there was little bit of a tense moment when Kanye West took the mic and said the award should have been given to Kanye West. It's you. Don't start this.

Jimmy Kimmel

Cowboy Musicians

Humor / Jokes /

Four cowboys are sitting on a mountain one night having a few cold ones around a campfire. One is a tuba player, one a trumpet player, one a conductor, and the last a coloratura soprano.

The tuba player tosses an empty can of Budweiser into the air, whips out his gun, and shoots it declaring "I just killed the king of beers!"

The trumpet ...Read more

Seeing Eye Dogs

Humor / Jokes /

Two guys were walking their dogs-one had a German Shepherd and the other had a Chihuahua. The man with the Shepherd suggested going into a bar for a drink. The other man said, "They're not going to let dogs into the bar."

The first guy said, "No? Watch this."

So he put on some dark glasses, acted like the German Shepherd was a seeing-eye ...Read more

What is Kitty?

Humor / Jokes /

A three-year-old boy went with his dad to see a new litter of kittens.

On returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother, "There were two boy kittens and two girl kittens."

"How did you know that?" his mother asked.

"Daddy picked them up and looked underneath," he replied. "I think it's printed on the bottom."

The Magician and the Parrot

Humor / Jokes /

A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again.

There was only one problem. The captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick. Once he understood he started ...Read more

Recent Quips From Late Night

Humor / Jokes /

"Immigration was the big issue of the week. Bush was in Cancun promoting his new video, 'Foreign Policy Gone Wild.'" --Bill Maher

"President Bush was greeted by protestors wearing President Bush masks. The president was overheard saying, 'I don't know who those people are, but their faces look familiar.'" --Conan O'Brien

"Saturday is April...Read more

Late Night Funny #4

Humor / Jokes /

There was a time when it seemed unimaginable that Joe Biden could ever be taken seriously enough to win his party's nomination, but Donald Trump just blew that idea right out the window.

Jimmy Kimmel

Late Night Funny #3

Humor / Jokes /

The CEO of Starbucks sent the message to Starbucks employees yesterday, instructing them to be sensitive to customers who might be feeling stressed out about the market. I like that the place that charges $5 for a cup of coffee is concerned about our finances.

Jimmy Kimmel

Late Night Funny #2

Humor / Jokes /

South Korea has agreed to stop broadcasting insulting propaganda over the North Korean border. They've agreed to stop doing it. They've also canceled their Comedy Central roast of Kim Jong Un.

Conan O'Brien

Late Night Funny #1

Humor / Jokes /

In Florida, a man proposed to his girlfriend in the produce aisle of a whole foods. He got down on one knee and told her, "this ring cost as much as those organic grapes, $7,000." Have you been to whole foods recently? I'm telling you, it's expensive!

Conan O'Brien

Letter to Redneck Son

Humor / Jokes /

Dear Son;

I'm writing this letter slow because I know you can't read fast.

We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 miles from your home, so we moved.

I won't be able to send you the address because the last family that lived here took the house numbers when they ...Read more

Words of Navajo Wisdom

Humor / Jokes /

About 1966 or so, a NASA team doing work for the Apollo moon mission took the astronauts near Tuba City where the terrain of the Navajo Reservation looks very much like the Lunar surface.

Along with all the trucks and large vehicles, there were two large figures dressed in full Lunar spacesuits.

Nearby a Navajo sheep herder and his son ...Read more

From the Classifieds

Humor / Jokes /

FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER: 8 years old. Hateful little dog. Bites.

FREE PUPPIES: 1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog.

FREE PUPPIES: Mother, AKC German Shepherd. Father, Super Dog - able to leap tall fences in a single bound.

FOUND DIRTY WHITE DOG: Looks like a rat ... been out a while. Better be a reward.

COWS, CALVES: NEVER ...Read more

Dinner Prayer

Humor / Jokes /

A woman invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to her six-year-old daughter and said, "Would you like to say the blessing?"

"I wouldn't know what to say," the little girl replied.

"Just say what you hear Mommy say," the mother said.

The little girl bowed her head and said, "Dear Lord, why on earth did I invite all these ...Read more

Praying to Harold

Humor / Jokes /

A daddy was listening to his child say his prayer "Dear Harold."

At this, dad interrupted and said, "Wait a minute, why did you call God 'Harold'?"

The little boy looked up and said, "That's what they call Him in church. You know the prayer we say, "Our Father, who art in Heaven, Harold be Thy name."

Late Night Funny #4

Humor / Jokes /

They did a nationwide survey that found that when voters think of Donald Trump, the most common word that comes to mind is "Arrogant." When the same voters think of Hillary Clinton, the most common word they use is "Liar." When they think of Jeb Bush, the first word that comes to mind is "Bush." Voters don't even care enough about Jeb Bush to ...Read more

Late Night Funny #3

Humor / Jokes /

Even though Trump is on top, 54 percent of voters, don't believe he's trustworthy or honest. If Donald Trump is dishonest, what's he going to say when he starts being honest?

Jimmy Kimmel

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