A teen couple has won over $20,000 in scholarship money for making their prom outfits. They made their prom outfits entirely from duct tape. Unfortunately, they had to spend it all on hospital bills after taking the outfits off.
There's a new study that says standing for prolonged periods of time on the job can lead to long-term back pain and musculoskeletal disorders. Which is kind of funny because for the last three years all we've been hearing is how bad it is to sit all day at work. Maybe the problem isn't standing or sitting, maybe the problem is work.
There's a new app out called MileHi that allows users to find people on their flight who are looking to have sex. This app is the most downloaded app at check-in and the most deleted app at baggage claim. No one is finding their soul mate on this app. It must be so frustrating when the guy is like, "I'm not really looking for anything long-term....Read more
A recent study shows that standing at work for long periods of time is bad for you, after earlier research indicated that sitting for too long at work is bad for you. So really the only thing we know is, work is bad for you.
Two guys are out hunting deer. The first guy says, "Did you see that?"
"No," the second guy says.
"Well, a bald eagle just flew overhead," the first guy says.
"Oh," says the second guy.
A couple of minutes later, The first guy says, "Did you see that?"
"See what?" the second guy asks.
"Are you blind? There was a big, black bear walking on...Read more
A blind man walks into a store with his seeing eye dog. All of a sudden, he picks up the leash and begins swinging the dog over his head. The manager runs up to the man and asks, "What are you doing?!!" The blind man replies, "Just looking around."
At a friend's wedding, everything went smoothly until it was time for the flower girl and her young escort to come down the aisle.
The boy stopped at every pew, growling at the guests. When asked afterward why he behaved so badly, he explained, "I was just trying to be a good ring bear."
"Hello, is this the Sheriff's Office?"
"Yes. What can I do for you?"
"I'm calling to report 'bout my neighbor Virgil Smith. He's hidin' marijuana inside his firewood! Don't quite know how he gets it inside them logs, but he's hidin' it there."
"Thank you very much for the call, sir."
The next day, the Sheriff's Deputies descend on Virgil's ...Read more
B: The Tale of the Halloween CatD.L. Luke
The night before Halloween in Hoboken, New Jersey, the Willow Witch summons Bernard, nicknamed B, and eight other strays to enter in the Black Cat Contest. Each contestant must find three ingredients for her witch’s brew. When the trials are complete, aye on Halloween night, the winner will...
Jack was living in Arizona during a heat wave when the following took place.
"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," complained Jack as he stepped out of the shower. "Honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"
"Probably that I married you for your money."
The Orange County Fair in California is going on now, and features deep-fried Slim-Fast bars. It's perfect if you haven't decided if you want to be fat or not. The fair also features deep-fried pizza, deep-fried birthday cake, and deep-fried pickles stuffed with peanut butter.
Yesterday, the U.S. Olympic Committee announced they're withdrawing Boston's bid to host the 2024 Olympic Games. We have not been able to get a majority of the citizens of Boston to support hosting the 2024 Olympic Games. The only thing they support is throwing beer bottles at Yankees fans.
It was announced that they are developing the very first invisible car. Why would anyone want that? An invisible car is just going to be an excuse people use when they try to walk through the Jack-in-the-Box drive-thru.
I saw that Donald Trump is selling his penthouse suite at the Trump Park Avenue building here in New York City for $21 million. When asked why he’s selling it now, Trump said "Hey, Americans seem to be buying everything else I'm selling, so why not strike while the iron's hot.”
Which art in barrels,
Hollowed be thy drink.
I will be drunk,
At home as in the travern.
Give us this day our foamy head,
And forgive us our spillages,
As we forgive those who spill against us.
And lead us not into incarceration,
But deliver us from hangerovers.
For thine is ...Read more
Two guys were in a bar, and they were both watching the television when the news came on. It showed a guy on a bridge who was about to jump, obviously suicidal. "I'll bet you $10 he'll jump," said the first guy. "Bet you $10 he won't," said the second guy.
Then, the guy on the television closed his eyes and threw himself off the bridge. ...Read more
You'll Know It's a No-Frills Airline If:
1. They don't sell tickets, they sell chances.
2. All the insurance machines in the terminal are sold out.
3. Before the flight, the passengers get together and elect a pilot.
4. If you kiss the wing for luck before boarding, it kisses you back.
5. You cannot board the plane ...Read more
"Welcome to Entropy Burgers -- may I take your order?"
"I put in disorder a long time ago. The service here is getting worse all the time."
"My experience Gibbs me reason to believe you."
"I know the waitress who asked that, too. Her name's Ellen Omega. She really made me thermally dynamic. So, I asked her out. I tell you, when she don't ...Read more
A dietician was once addressing a large audience in Chicago. "The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Vegetables can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the germs in our drinking water.
"But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all of us ...Read more
Snoop Dogg was arrested and released in Sweden this weekend on suspicion of using illegal drugs. Officials first became suspicious in 1991.
According to multiple new polls, Donald Trump is still leading the field of Republican candidates for president, which I have to say is all going to be very funny until the White House is covered in gold paint.