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The Wrong Grade, part 3

Humor / Jokes /

...continued from above

Ms Brooks: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"

The principal wondered why would she ask such a question!

Harry replied: "Pockets."

Ms. Brooks: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"

Harry: "Pants."

The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.

Ms. Brooks: "What goes in hard...Read more

The Wrong Grade, part 2

Humor / Jokes /

...continued from above

Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"

Harry: "9."

Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"

Harry: "36."

And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.

The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, "I think Harry can go to the 3rdgrade."

Ms. Brooks says to the principal, "Let me ask him some ...Read more

The Wrong Grade, part 1

Humor / Jokes /

A first-grade teacher, Ms Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, "Harry, what's your problem?"

Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!"

Ms. Brooks had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office. ...Read more

Love and Marriage: A Tale

Humor / Jokes /

An elderly man lay dying in his bed. Nearing the final curtain, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookies wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed.

Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort forced himself down the...Read more

In Line...

Humor / Jokes /

Here are the reasons I'd Like to thank Wal-Mart, K-Mart, Target, and my local grocer for having 25 checkout lanes and only three open at any given time.

-- Waiting in long lines keeps my domestic brain from going completely idle -- there's so much to learn!

- I can catch up on my magazine reading without buying any.

- I have time to ...Read more

Late Night Funny #4

Humor / Jokes /

The State Department finally released their report on Hillary's use of a private email server. They found that she did not ask permission, and if she had, the answer would have been no. Which is one of the top reasons to not ask permission, by the way. Even when you do give Hillary Clinton a clear "no," what she hears is, "Try again in eight ...Read more

Late Night Funny #3

Humor / Jokes /

The Taliban has named a new leader this week after their former leader was killed in a drone strike over the weekend. It’s the only job interview where the correct answer to “Where do you see yourself in five years?” is “I don’t.”

Seth Meyers

Late Night Funny #2

Humor / Jokes /

Donald Trump is floating another conspiracy theory which suggests that Hillary Clinton is a murderer. Today Bill Clinton said, "Trust me, if that lady could kill, I would not be alive."

Conan O'Brien

We Built The World’s Greatest Cat Fort

Humor / Jokes /

Because every cat deserves a home that says, "Check meow!"

Late Night Funny #1

Humor / Jokes /

It is Fleet Week here in New York City. Or as civilian men call it, “No Luck on Tinder Week.” Fleet Week is when members of the Navy do the bravest thing they’ve ever done: wear all white on the New York City subway.

Jimmy Fallon

Unbreakable

Humor / Jokes /

A salesman was demonstrating unbreakable combs in a department store. He was impressing the people who stopped by to look by putting the comb through all sorts of torture and stress.

Finally to impress even the skeptics in the crowd, he bent the comb completely in half, and it snapped with a loud crack. Without missing a beat, he bravely held ...Read more

Real Users

Humor / Jokes /

- Real users find the one combination of bizarre input values that shuts down the system for days.

- Real users never know what they want, but they always know when your program doesn't deliver it.

- Real users never use the Help key.

- Real users never stop asking new options.

- Real users never know what to do with new options.

Big Bucks

Humor / Jokes /

What do you get when you cross fifty female pigs and fifty male deer?

A hundred sows and bucks

Little Johnny's Numbers

Humor / Jokes /

The teacher asked little Johnny if he knows his numbers.

"Yes," he said. "My dad taught me."

"Good! Can you tell me what comes after three."

"Four," answers little Johnny.

"What comes after six?"

"Seven."

"Very good," says the teacher. "Your father did a good job. What comes after ten?"

"A jack," says little Johnny.

Cross Country

Humor / Jokes /

When we moved cross-country, my wife and I decided to drive both of our cars. Nathan, our eight-year-old, worriedly asked, "How will we keep from getting separated?"

"We'll drive slowly so that one car can follow the other," I reassured him.

"Yeah, but what if we DO get separated?" he persisted.

"Well, then I guess we'll never see each ...Read more

10 Things Canadians Don't Know About Americans

Humor / Jokes /

(Language warning) Americans are very different from Canadians. I'm a Canadian who has lived here for 15 years and here are 10 things I've noticed about them.

Late Night Funny #4

Humor / Jokes /

Actor Shia LaBeouf has started hitchhiking around Colorado as part of a performance art piece he is calling #TakeMeAnywhere. Unfortunately for LaBeouf, everyone just keeps taking him back to the airport.

Seth Meyers

Late Night Funny #3

Humor / Jokes /

Yesterday, a North Korean official turned down an offer by Donald Trump to visit the country and meet with Kim Jong Un, saying the offer is “propaganda” and “nonsense.” This doesn’t make Trump look good. You know you’re in trouble when the leader of North Korea is like, “I can’t associate myself with that guy.”

entertainment/humor/jokes/s-1834506">Read more

Late Night Funny #2

Humor / Jokes /

Donald Trump is holding his first-ever campaign fundraiser but says he’s only doing it because the Republican Party asked him to. Yeah. Trump thought he should do this for the Republican Party, since he turned down their first request: Don’t be our candidate.

Conan O'Brien

The Daily Show - The NRA Endorses Donald Trump

Humor / Jokes /

After the NRA endorses GOP presidential hopeful Donald Trump, Trevor examines the surprising political evolution of the gun rights organization.

 

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