Editor's Note: The following column was originally published in 2006.

You're probably a lot like me: You would like to see me become fabulously wealthy. You're also pretty sure you'd like to see this happen right away -- this afternoon would not ...

Ages and ages ago -- like, 1993 -- people would purchase a PC, plug it in and then stare in wonder at all the error messages. There wasn't much else to do with the things if you weren't part of the "information economy," though people gave it ...

My cell phone has a special app that allows me to eject Alec Baldwin from an airplane. I can look up a recipe for bananas flambe or find the nearest fire extinguisher to put the bananas flamb -out. It's a "smart phone," so intelligent ...

My insurance company loves to stick little informational pamphlets in with its bill so I won't notice that I'm writing them a check. The topics usually boil down to how to avoid doing something that might cause you to file a claim which we ...

My body believes a famine is imminent and has begun stocking up on provisions. These supplies are being stored around my waistline. I've tried explaining to my stomach that this is entirely unnecessary: I've never once, not even when I was in ...

My dad asks me if I'd like to go ice fishing in his shanty with him. "Why don't we both just crawl into the freezer? It's bigger, warmer, and there are more fish in there," I suggest.

"Very funny," he says to me. This is what my father has said ...