Below the Beltway / Entertainment

Writing for Dummies

WASHINGTON -- I am worried. I am worried because I just learned something. What I learned was bad.

I learned it from a letter I got. It was from a man. His name is Bill.

Bill is an authority on how people read and write. Authority is a great big...

Bending, The Truth

WASHINGTON -- I think I can safely say that the most pathetic moment of my life occurred just weeks ago, specifically at 6:20 a.m. on Tuesday, July 22. I was standing in my front yard. A young woman was walking by.

"Excuse me, miss, can I ask a ...

Mutterings

WASHINGTON -- As a lifetime observer of dog behavior, I feel qualified to present the following lists, which are prioritized in descending order of importance or likelihood.

What a dog is most terrified of:

1. Thunder.

2. Starving to death ...

The Unfairer Sex?

WASHINGTON -- Newspapers generally regard reader demographics to be proprietary information, but today I am going to share some with you: The readership of my column heavily skews female. It seems counterintuitive, not just because I am male but ...

The Closer

WASHINGTON -- Back in the late 1940s, the Boston Braves had two excellent starting pitchers -- Warren Spahn and Johnny Sain -- and a host of other guys collectively dismissible as Joe Lunchmeat. The logical question arose as to whether such a lack...

Company Men

WASHINGTON, Jan. 20, 2027 -- In his inaugural address, President Kraft Foods promised Tuesday that America would continue fostering the business-friendly atmosphere begun under his predecessor, President Jiffy Lube. The incoming and outgoing ...