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ArcaMax Publishing > Lifestyles > Dr. Joyce Brothers

Her Husband Wants A Man-Cave; He Is Under Pressure To Carry On Family Name

Dear Dr. Brothers: When we first moved into our house seven years ago, the spare room was just perfect for my crafts business. My husband was OK with that. He is now objecting that since I don't do crafts anymore, he wants to have the room for himself. The phrase "man-cave" was even mentioned! I don't know what that is, but it sounds disgusting. I claimed the spare room for myself, and I think I should be able to do something else with it, rather than make it into a "cave." -- S.B.

Dear S.B.: Don't let the "man-cave" thing scare you so much that you can't see how unfair you are being to your husband. You've had your turn with the room, and now you should let him have a turn for a couple of years. If you are still together at the end of another seven years, perhaps you will be able to settle on some other use for the room that you both can enjoy! Seriously, this sounds like a rather juvenile battle you are putting up for no other reason than to maintain the status quo. Why not use that creativity you have already shown in order to do something nice for your husband? He probably will be so grateful and relaxed that your marriage will benefit.

A man-cave need not be a dark, dank, awful hole full of empty beer cans. All it means is that it is a haven for him, filled with a big, flat-screen TV, a poker table and a mini-fridge! Really, I don't know your husband, but you know his interests. You can help him with bookcases, a writing desk, a workbench or whatever turns him on. Picking out fabrics, furniture and cool guy things together might even help make your relationship more of a partnership. Why not give it a try? Just make sure he comes up for air occasionally. The way to ensure that would be for you to become a little more pleasant for him to come home to. Try being the generous one, and see if that gets you more happiness than you have now.

Dear Dr. Brothers: I never thought this would happen, but the whole family is focusing on me. You see, unfortunately I am the last of the line in my family, and if I don't have any children, there will be no more of them with our name, forever. You have no idea how much pressure this is putting on me to get married and have children! Not just any child, but a boy! This is so unfair, because I don't know if I even want kids, and this doesn't seem to be a good enough reason, at least to me. -- P.K.

Dear P.K.: I'm sorry you are feeling so much pressure about this. When most of us grow up and decide to get married or stay single, it usually is our own decision. Oh, of course there often is a pushy would-be grandma or uncle in the family egging us on. Or there is someone who can't stand the bride-to-be, or who will never give up on the idea that you should marry that girl you were going to the movies with in eighth grade -- you know, the one with the cute dimples? But not as many young men find themselves at the end of the line for the family name. It is indeed a daunting position to find yourself in, through no fault of your own.

Not a good enough reason to have kids? Hmmm, maybe so. Or maybe it's as good a reason as any -- after all, many kids aren't planned, for whatever reason, they just happen! I am not holding this up as any kind of ideal, but the fact is that most of those kids probably end up with loving parents who can't imagine their lives without the little ones. And so it could be if you do decide to make it your mission to carry on the family name, rather than just feeling the pressure from this "honor" that has been thrust upon you. Although much of it seems to be out of your hands, you could find yourself a wife who would think it was pretty neat to be the ones to carry this special burden. Add in the adoption option, and family hero status will be yours.

(c) 2009 by King Features Syndicate



Copyright: (c) 2009 by King Features Syndicate

This news arrived on: 11/06/2009

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