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Dr. Joyce Brothers is syndicated in more than 175 newspapers. She is perhaps the world's most popular psychologist.
Brothers provides ...
Read more about Dr. Joyce Brothers.
Dr. Joyce Brothers is syndicated in more than 175 newspapers. She is perhaps the world's most popular psychologist.
Brothers provides ...
Read more about Dr. Joyce Brothers.
Quiz Topic: The Power Of A Promise
Dr. Joyce Brothers
We've all done it: Made a wild promise we know we can't possibly keep.
Why do we promise the moon, and how seriously should we take it when
someone pleads "promise me"? Take this quiz and try to sort out the
truths and myths about promises.
1. It is not important to keep promises to children; they will forget about them anyway.
TRUE ( ) FALSE ( )
2. If people are constantly breaking their promises to you, it may be time to look to your own behavior for needed improvement.
TRUE ( ) FALSE ( )
3. Since keeping promises to others is so difficult, it's OK to break promises to yourself.
TRUE ( ) FALSE ( )
4. It is never all right to break a promise.
TRUE ( ) FALSE ( )
5. There are several different forms of promises, but they all mean basically the same thing.
TRUE ( ) FALSE ( )
6. Promises kept or broken usually have tangible consequences outside of the promise itself.
TRUE ( ) FALSE ( )
7. If you break a promise, there is no way to make up for it.
TRUE ( ) FALSE ( )
ANSWERS:
1. FALSE. Making promises that can be kept is an important part of teaching children about trustworthiness and good character. Research has shown that most adults can vividly remember betrayals of trust from broken promises dating back decades to childhood. If a child can experience the way a kept promise makes him and the promiser feel good, he'll want to learn to make and keep a promise as well.
2. TRUE. Although the promise-maker should not be let off the hook, people who constantly find others defaulting on their pledges might look to their own unreasonable demands as a reason. It may be that they are acting as bullies, almost forcing others to make promises that it will be difficult for them to keep, or to which they agreed just to get the person to back off.
3. FALSE. Actually, if your view is that keeping promises to others is so incredibly difficult, you may need to examine the type of promises you are making. If they are reasonably doable, they shouldn't be too difficult to keep, and will also offer a sense of pride. But if they are made insincerely or you find yourself promising the moon, they will be difficult. In any case, making and keeping promises to oneself is critical, because keeping them will lead to greater self-esteem and self-confidence.
4. FALSE. Since it is the very nature of a promise to deal with the future, and to some extent the future is unknowable, there are sometimes circumstances in which things change and promises become impossible to uphold. This is a far cry, though, from having a rationale for not keeping a promise that goes something like this: "I forgot," or "I changed my mind." Neither is an acceptable premise under which to accept a broken promise.
5. TRUE. All promises basically look to the future to perform a course of action that will aid in building trust and uphold the social contract of doing what you said you would do. Politicians take an oath of office. We renew our wedding vows when we want to make more promises to each other about fidelity and love in the future. Doctors take an oath concerning their medical standards and practices. Parents agree to raise their children in the religion of their own parents. New citizens affirm their loyalty to the Constitution of the United States. Promises, oaths, affirmations and vows can be involved in everything from gangs to the U.S. Supreme Court.
6. TRUE. Research has shown that there are consequences for future behavior based in the keeping or breaking of promises. Specifically, if a person is in the habit of keeping promises and others therefore deem him to be trustworthy, he will internalize the trait of being trustworthy in his own eyes; he will act in a trustworthy mode in the future. If a person is a regular promise-breaker, she will usually suffer some sort of retaliation or revenge, as betrayal of trust and feelings of indignation often lead to retaliation of some sort.
7. FALSE. There is always a way to accept the consequences of our actions and try to make amends. A broken promise may result in a loss of trust, but if there is a reasonable explanation why the promise couldn't be kept, it is in your best interests to offer it. Then ask the person to allow you to do something for him or her that will have an immediate effect -- so he or she won't have to trust you again for a period of time before reaping the benefit and beginning to restore his or her faith in you. If someone is very angry and disappointed, you may even give him or her a choice of disappointing you in some way that will satisfy his or her wish for "revenge."
If you answered five of the seven questions correctly, you are more informed than most on this subject.
(c) 2009 by King Features Syndicate
Copyright: (c) 2009 by King Features Syndicate
This news arrived on: 11/04/2009
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Posted Comments:
11-04-2009 08:18
Charles M. Barnard wrote:
Promises not kept
"New citizens affirm their loyalty to the Constitution of the United States."
(In the USA ONLY.... ;)
As do newly sworn office holders.
The record for keeping these oaths is better for the former than the latter....
(In the USA ONLY.... ;)
As do newly sworn office holders.
The record for keeping these oaths is better for the former than the latter....
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