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He Believes Promises Are Made To Be Broken; Is There Such A Thing As Too Much Exercise?

Dr. Joyce Brothers

Dear Dr. Brothers: I think I have a problem with my husband, though I haven't tried to do anything about it yet. Tell me if he is right or wrong, please! Whenever he is with our kids, I hear him making promises to them. He promises to get them a bike for Christmas, then finds that "Santa's workshop was all out." He promises we will go to Paris for a vacation when we have no way to do that. I could go on, but you get the idea -- he always promises what he can't deliver. What should I do? -- M.K.

Dear M.K.: It is rather disappointing when a grown man constantly makes promises that he must know he can't keep, or that he makes no effort to keep even if he means them. It almost feels like the person is a deliberate liar, doesn't it? Because lying and failing to carry out a promise seem to have a lot in common, perhaps failing to keep a promise is a kind of lying. What do you think? And because your husband makes the kind of promises he can't possibly fulfill as well as those he can but doesn't, it seems this is a serious problem for him.

The fact that your kids are the ones being consistently lied to -- and I use the term advisedly -- must be pretty upsetting to you, not to mention to them. This is the kind of behavior that can really lead to a lack of a trusting relationship -- or perhaps any relationship at all -- between father and children. And that's very sad. It could be that he is wishing he could do fabulous things for his kids, and making the promise helps all of them feel good momentarily. But surely, as they get older and see his pattern of disappointing them, they will become very unhappy with him. Perhaps talking with him about realistic goals and keeping promises would be a good thing to do. He could just be in need of someone who believes in him. And if you help him remember to keep the small promises he makes, it would show your renewed faith in him.

Dear Dr. Brothers: I am wondering if I am getting too much into exercising. I don't mean so much physically, as I still need to lose some weight and build some more muscle, but emotionally. You see, when I got my new machine, I found out I can keep track of all my goals and how many calories I burn, etc. So I find myself compelled to go use the machine after every meal to get rid of the calories I just ate. If I can't do that, I sort of panic. Is this bad? -- F.D.

Dear F.D.: It is great that you have found a machine that you like and that you are motivated to use on a regular basis. That being said, there is a big difference between motivation and what you describe as being compelled to exercise. Certainly, any activity in which you don't feel you have a choice could become problematic. Yours already has -- the fact that you are feeling anxiety when you are thwarted from using the machine tells us that you are placing too much power on that exercise experience, and that you are losing your ability to be flexible and reasonable about your weight-loss and muscle-building goals. So you probably should cut back on the routine and try to use it just once or twice a day, at totally random times. See how that feels.

And yes, it is very possible to become addicted to exercising. It's not surprising, really, because a good exercise program will help you achieve your body-changing goals, which makes you feel good, and it also releases endorphines and dopamine, which also make you feel good. But extreme amounts of exercise can lead to a disorder called anorexia athletica, in which exercising for weight loss can take on the same compulsive characteristics as drug addiction, and also can result in unsafe amounts of weight being lost. So, though this most often is associated with running, you need to be careful to take your exercise in moderation.

(c) 2009 by King Features Syndicate

Copyright: (c) 2009 by King Features Syndicate

This news arrived on: 11/03/2009

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