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How Jealous Is Too Jealous?; Anxiety During Marijuana Use Persists

Dr. Joyce Brothers

Dear Dr. Brothers: A girl at a party last weekend was flirting with my boyfriend way more than she should have. He didn't respond at all (because he's great), and eventually she left, but I still got really angry at her and the situation, and have been trashing her all week. I talked to my boyfriend about it, and he -- along with everyone -- thinks I'm overreacting and that this girl was harmless. Isn't it OK to feel protective of my boyfriend and not want to see girls flirt with him? -- C.G.

Dear C.G.: It is absolutely OK to feel protective of your boyfriend and not want to see other girls pursuing him. But that is slightly different from being unreasonably angry and trashing the other girl in question. It seems like there really was no harm done in this interaction, since your boyfriend was impervious to her flirting and she left on her own in the end. It does no good to get worked up about what might have been or about this girl's bad intentions, when nothing actually went wrong. You may wonder at her lack of judgment or integrity, that she would obviously flirt with a guy who is already in a relationship, but that shouldn't cause you irrational anger.

You should question what about the incident made you so angry. Was it something specific about this girl that made you more jealous or edgy than you normally would be? Or do you react this way when anyone talks to your boyfriend when you're not around? It may be helpful to talk to your boyfriend about this as well. He'll have a more objective idea of whether this was a one-time issue -- in which case, you can just try to avoid that particular girl -- or a long-standing problem that you need to work out. It sounds like you have a good, open line of communication with your boyfriend, so don't hesitate to ask for more of his opinion on this -- just make sure that you're ready to listen.

Dear Dr. Brothers: My boyfriend smokes pot, but not much and not very often. He doesn't really drink, so I didn't think it was a big deal. But I've noticed that he gets really paranoid and sort of panicky when he smokes. Then later, even when he's not high, he's really anxious, more so than normal. Is this a normal effect of smoking pot, or is there something else going on? Is he doing permanent damage, and is this cause to stop smoking altogether? -- L.T.

Dear L.T.: To answer your last question first, yes, this does sound like cause for your boyfriend to stop smoking marijuana altogether. People who feel panic or anxiety during marijuana use should stop immediately. These panic attacks can cause something like a "bruise" in your brain, and this takes time to heal. While healing, you'll continue to have symptoms and feel anxious and panicky. It sounds like your boyfriend may be experiencing these aftershocks. Understanding the cause of these feelings can help you resolve them, so you can explain to your boyfriend what is going on the next time this happens.

Usually, continued marijuana use will only make these feelings of anxiety worse, and if your boyfriend's panic attacks get worse, it would be helpful for him to see a psychologist or counselor. Obviously, the best thing would be for him to stop smoking marijuana, but this can be hard even if he's only an occasional smoker. The rituals and friendships associated with marijuana use can perpetuate the habit, so it's important for the people your boyfriend hangs out with to know if he's trying to quit, and to help him along the way. Important basic parts of his personality and outlook on life may ride on his willingness to confront this problem, but fortunately you can be there to help him change. And above all, possession of pot is illegal.

(c) 2009 by King Features Syndicate

Copyright: (c) 2009 by King Features Syndicate

This news arrived on: 10/30/2009

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