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I Ain't Afraid Of No Ghosts; Should Baby Be A Princess Or A Pirate?

Dr. Joyce Brothers

Dear Dr. Brothers: Everyone thinks I'm a bit off. I'm the kind of person who makes no bones about what I believe, and am not afraid to let others know exactly what that is. I believe in ghosts. I have ever since I was a little girl. So everyone from my parents to my friends and husband just roll their eyes whenever I talk about the subject. I don't want to pretend like I don't believe, but sometimes I think it would be easier to just not say anything at all. What should I do? -- J.J.

Dear J.J.: You're not alone -- according to an AP-Ipsos survey, 34 percent of people say they believe in ghosts, and there probably are many more who do but don't want to admit it. And of that number in the survey, about 11 percent are believers like you -- they don't claim to ever have seen a ghost, but they just believe. If you want to get very intellectual and argumentative about it, you could stand up for yourself with your family armed with statistics ... or begin a philosophical discussion of all the realms of human existence in which people have had to come up with their own answers on the meaning of life. Most people will at least admit that there is much we cannot know.

Are you and your family and friends religious believers? Try engaging them in a conversation based on the tenets of faith that your religion dictates. Contrast these with your belief in ghosts, or with other religious systems of thought about the afterlife. This all should make for some interesting talks, if nothing else, and your family and friends will see that you have taken the time to educate yourself on the subject. And it is a legitimate subject of study -- there is such a thing as anomalistic psychology, focusing university researchers on the human mind and its reactions to ghosts, ESP, UFO sightings and other facets of the paranormal.

Dear Dr. Brothers: I hope you can settle something between my husband and me. We're going to take our 4-year-old daughter on her first trick-or-treat this year and are arguing about her costume. I want her to be a princess, but my goofball husband has his heart set on her being a pirate! He says that's what she most wants to be, as she's always going on about pirates during storytime. I just don't think it's appropriate for a little girl to be a pirate -- am I wrong? -- N.V.

Dear N.V.: We all have our dreams of childhood past. Even if things weren't quite perfect, we take those old dreams and see if we can have a do-over when we are fortunate enough to have children of our own. And what little girl doesn't want to be a princess? This is what you are thinking, right? Well, maybe today there are a lot more choices, and fewer of them are tied to traditional sexual roles. I doubt whether being a pirate would seem strange to anyone on Halloween, when just about anything goes. So whose reaction are you worrying about? Chances are, you see your child as very feminine and girly, and your husband has picked up on something else in her personality that has her enthralled with pirates at storytime.

So, how to settle this? There will be years ahead for all sorts of costumes. Why not ask your child what she wants to be? Believe it or not, she probably has plenty of ideas of her own, and they may not include either pirate or princess! So be prepared to make her into a ham sandwich or a scary monster on Halloween, and let her help with the costume. It's all about fun, after all, and starting to give your little one choices. Just make sure, however you dress her, that she can see, move and feel comfortable enough to start building great Halloween memories of her own. And back off a little on what you both think she "should" be.

(c) 2009 by King Features Syndicate

Copyright: (c) 2009 by King Features Syndicate

This news arrived on: 10/29/2009

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