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Changing A Bad Reputation; Woman Needs Help Finding Friends After Move

Dr. Joyce Brothers

Dear Dr. Brothers: People in my life see me as a partier and a lost cause -- someone whom they can't take seriously and for whom they don't have high expectations. I know personally that this image is wrong, and I actually have quite a successful career in addition to still enjoying going out to bars and hanging out and watching football with the guys. I'm getting sick of this terrible reputation. How can I counteract it, without giving up the things I like to do for fun? -- S.D.

Dear S.D.: It can be hard to strike a balance between work and play and still be taken seriously in both realms. A bad reputation for being too caught up in your social life can have a negative impact on your career if this reputation follows you to work or persists for a long time. Since you admit to enjoying the bars and watching football, you must know that the way people see you is at least partially based in truth. But simply relaxing on weekends isn't enough to get you such a bad reputation. Look harder at what may be causing people to think that they can't take you seriously, or that you aren't going places. Do you perpetuate your image as a slacker?

You can make changes without completely changing yourself -- after all, no one likes a faker. Maybe avoid talking about your weekend plans at work, or rehashing your Saturday-night exploits all week. Tell people you're trying to improve and become a more productive and serious person at work, and then follow through with your actions. Volunteer to take on a bigger or more involved project than you normally would, or finish something early rather than leaving it until the last minute. Go out in the community and devote yourself to a cause. In time, people will come around and begin to take your successes at face value rather than as good luck.

Dear Dr. Brothers: I'm newly divorced and have moved across the country in an attempt to start over and really be the happy, fulfilled person I always expected I was going to be. Somewhat surprisingly, everything has gone fairly well -- I found a great job, and I even met a man whom I've been seeing romantically. The only problem is that after almost a year, I still don't really have any friends to speak of. I think I must be out of practice at making friends; do you have any suggestions? -- K.F.

Dear K.F.: It can be hard, once you're out of practice, as you put it, to remember how to make friends like you did so easily when you were a kid. Fortunately, adults are a lot more forgiving and open to new friendships than kids were on the playground, and they will likely be receptive to your friendly advances. You can start by contacting any friends of friends you may have in the area. Even if you're looking for a new beginning, it doesn't hurt to allow connections to be made for you. Friends of friends usually are a safe bet, because someone you know and trust has already vouched for them. You also can try contacting your college alumni association. You will already have a major experience in common with people you meet this way, and alumni groups sponsor a lot of fun events -- from community service to classes and workshops, to trips locally and abroad. And does your male friend have a group of friends he would like you to meet?

Some other tried-and-true methods include joining a book club (through a library or community center), volunteering for a charity that does work you're interested in (they're always happy to have help) or taking night classes at a local college (where youmeet people who share your interests or hobbies). Most importantly, put yourself out there. You may get a lot of rejections, but with a little bit of work and some confidence, you'll end up with new best friends.

(c) 2009 by King Features Syndicate

Copyright: (c) 2009 by King Features Syndicate

This news arrived on: 10/27/2009

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