Your email address is safe with us. View our Privacy policy.
Author Bio:
Jeanne Phillips, a.k.a. "Dear Abby," has been the most trusted and popular advice columnist for years. Her daily readership totals more than 95 ...
Read more about Abigail Van Buren.
Jeanne Phillips, a.k.a. "Dear Abby," has been the most trusted and popular advice columnist for years. Her daily readership totals more than 95 ...
Read more about Abigail Van Buren.
WIFE WANTS 'I LOVE YOU' TO BE RESERVED FOR THOSE SHE LOVES
Abigail Van Buren
DEAR ABBY: I have strong feelings about the word "love." I
use it only when I truly mean it. My husband's family, however,
bandies it about as a common word.
How does one respond when someone says "I love you" when you know he or she doesn't mean it and is only saying it as a pleasantry? I hate saying it back to someone I don't really love. I feel the phrase should be reserved only when you are saying it from the heart. Any advice on what I should say, if anything at all? -- KEEPING MUM IN MISSISSIPPI
DEAR KEEPING MUM: Because you are part of the extended family, and family is supposed to "love" each other, the expected and appropriate response would be, "I love you too, darlin'!" But since you can't bring yourself to go that far, just coo in return, "And you're such a love to say that!"
DEAR ABBY: I know it may seem early, but this is the best time to start thinking about the Christmas holidays. Can you offer suggestions on what to buy for family and friends? Money is tight in this economy, and lots of good folks are out of work.
This issue will present itself for everyone. What can parents buy or give to their children and vice versa? -- LOOKING AHEAD IN VISTA, CALIF.
DEAR LOOKING AHEAD: Money IS tight in this economy, and the unemployment figures are mind-boggling. For too long, every holiday has been turned into an opportunity to induce people to shop, shop, shop and buy, buy, buy. That's why I'm suggesting we stop for a moment, examine what's really important about the Christmas season, and focus on that instead of spending money.
The time has come to seriously return to the basics. The most precious gift one can give is the gift of self. A meaningful example of the spirit of giving would be to volunteer some time as a family to serve food, or collect and distribute toys and clothing at a shelter or program for people who are in dire straits.
DEAR ABBY: After our father's death last year, my brother, "Rex," and I moved in with our mother to help her out emotionally and financially. Rex and I have always respected each other's privacy and have always supported each other.
Rex has put a lock on his door, which makes Mom and me feel as if he doesn't trust us enough to respect his privacy. We have never invaded his space or given him cause not to trust us. He is a caring, considerate person, financially stable, socially active, and helps Mom out with any repairs needed around the house. I love him dearly, but I am puzzled that he feels he needs to lock his room as if we are not trustworthy.
My feelings are hurt. Our family has never had trust issues before. What do you think of his behavior, and am I being overly sensitive? -- OPEN-DOOR SIS IN MISSISSIPPI
DEAR SIS: Yes, you are, so please stop personalizing it. Your brother is an adult, and adults are entitled to their privacy -- which, by the way, your brother has sacrificed to some extent by moving back with Mom and you. Respect his boundaries. The lock indicates to me that he feels he needs some.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more sociable person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
COPYRIGHT 2009 UNIVERSAL UCLICK
COPYRIGHT 2009 UNIVERSAL PRESS SYNDICATE. This feature may not be reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without the written permission of uclick and Universal Press Syndicate.
This news arrived on: 11/01/2009
Printer Friendly Version | Send this page to a friend | Post Comment
Rate This Story:
Great - 5 - 4 - 3 - 2 - 1 - Bad
Posted Comments:
11-06-2009 13:09
Cathy wrote:
"lock"
Willa:
Again you have gone over the top in your response. The letter was about feeling untrustworthy because of family dynamics and locks on doors; you have made it about rent, utilities, babysitting, etc.
Who has hurt you or wronged YOU? Consider speaking with someone who has a more positive outlook on life and living in general. I wish you well, wellness, and good mental health.
Again you have gone over the top in your response. The letter was about feeling untrustworthy because of family dynamics and locks on doors; you have made it about rent, utilities, babysitting, etc.
Who has hurt you or wronged YOU? Consider speaking with someone who has a more positive outlook on life and living in general. I wish you well, wellness, and good mental health.
11-02-2009 19:58
leni wrote:
brother needs a lock
I have to wonder how she found out there was a lock on her brother's door. Unless she attempted to open it she would not have known it was there. I'm a stickler for privacy, my children knew better to walk into someone's room without knocking by the time they were 3.
If Mom needs to be cared for she should count her lucky stars her brother shares the burden. If her mother doesn't need care, I'm also wondering what the Hell they're both doing there.
If Mom needs to be cared for she should count her lucky stars her brother shares the burden. If her mother doesn't need care, I'm also wondering what the Hell they're both doing there.
11-01-2009 15:43
Willa wrote:
lock on door
Are you and your brother both paying rent to your mother? If you are, both of you can logically put locks on your doors for personalness and privacy of the rooms. (It sounds like each has its own bathroom. Right?) If you are simply freeloading, the lock doesn't belong. Doing a few chores for Mother doesn't qualify for rent. (Who pays utilities and food expenses?) And the truth is that Mother may be better off starting a new life with her friends rather than being babied or being a babysitter to her immature adult children. She can live a full and satisfying life. Don't push the issue of your brother's failure to trust your Mother. This sounds like a manipulative strategy you're using to separate them. Are you hoping she'll will you everything?
11-01-2009 13:47
Candy wrote:
Love and other things
In the famous words of the Beatles, "In the end, the love you take, is equal to the love you make."
I believe as others do, that love has many different forms. Do the best you can to find something you love about these people, are they generous, funny, or happy? Love them for their qualities too. You'll be doing yourself a favor by finding a way to love and being capable of loving. Because loving sometimes does you more good than the people you love. It's like laughing and joy, it seems to grow and give you endorphines that are healthy for you and everyone around you.
As for Christmas, be careful about baked goods, some people don't and can't eat a bunch of sweets. I say, give them your time. Spend time with them or if you're retired offer to do a errand for them if they work. Another idea that would also save people money is to have a big meal, invite extended friends and family so you can combine expenses, have a potluck Thanksgiving and Christmas. Maybe offer to give them four hours of house cleaning services provided by you, or car care, what ever you're good at. Agree to swap books or give them some cloths, coats, shoes, etc if you agree and you have something they like and can wear. If someone has always admired something of yours and you can, give it to them. I think this just may be the year to "re-gift" in a way.
Tell them you did a "random act of kindness" in their memory. Or make it your gift to everyone by providing random acts of kindness beginning now. I believe what is happening to us in these times, is a wake up call and we should all be getting "down to basics" in every way, manners, spending habits, and more time spent with friends and family.
I believe as others do, that love has many different forms. Do the best you can to find something you love about these people, are they generous, funny, or happy? Love them for their qualities too. You'll be doing yourself a favor by finding a way to love and being capable of loving. Because loving sometimes does you more good than the people you love. It's like laughing and joy, it seems to grow and give you endorphines that are healthy for you and everyone around you.
As for Christmas, be careful about baked goods, some people don't and can't eat a bunch of sweets. I say, give them your time. Spend time with them or if you're retired offer to do a errand for them if they work. Another idea that would also save people money is to have a big meal, invite extended friends and family so you can combine expenses, have a potluck Thanksgiving and Christmas. Maybe offer to give them four hours of house cleaning services provided by you, or car care, what ever you're good at. Agree to swap books or give them some cloths, coats, shoes, etc if you agree and you have something they like and can wear. If someone has always admired something of yours and you can, give it to them. I think this just may be the year to "re-gift" in a way.
Tell them you did a "random act of kindness" in their memory. Or make it your gift to everyone by providing random acts of kindness beginning now. I believe what is happening to us in these times, is a wake up call and we should all be getting "down to basics" in every way, manners, spending habits, and more time spent with friends and family.
11-01-2009 13:18
Lorrainepttsfld wrote:
Lock
You're kidding me, right? You wrote to Dear Abby about your brother putting a lock on his door??? Well, it seems to me he must have a good reason, perhaps in a past experience with you or your mother. Mother's tend to think they can go into their child's room no matter how old their child is but this son is letting her, and you, know you can't. Period. Can't a person have some privacy without someone else thinking something bad???? Get a life, a boyfriend, some friends or a hobby sister and leave your brother alone.
Comment archive | Comment FAQ's
 |
 |
View Dear Abby ezine stories by date or visit the complete archive |
The ArcaMax Politics channel is one of 70 content categories offered by ArcaMax Publishing on this ... |
VideoSquares.com
