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Jeanne Phillips, a.k.a. "Dear Abby," has been the most trusted and popular advice columnist for years. Her daily readership totals more than 95 ...
Read more about Abigail Van Buren.
Jeanne Phillips, a.k.a. "Dear Abby," has been the most trusted and popular advice columnist for years. Her daily readership totals more than 95 ...
Read more about Abigail Van Buren.
HUSBAND INSISTS ON REPEATING CRUEL PROPHECY ABOUT HIS SON
Abigail Van Buren
DEAR ABBY: My brother, "Luke," died young due to drug
addiction. When our son, "Adam," misbehaves, my husband
blames me. He says Adam is going to end up "just like Luke,"
and it will be my fault.
My mother bailed my brother out of his problems, but I have never done that with our son. I have told my husband numerous times how cruel it is to suggest Adam could end up like Luke, but he continues to say it and then "remind" me if it happens, it will be because of me.
My husband is a wonderful man in every other way, but he doesn't seem to realize how hurtful and unnecessary his cruel words are when he compares our son to my brother. -- SAD MOM IN TEXAS
DEAR SAD MOM: Wake up and smell the coffee. Your husband realizes exactly how cruel that comparison is, and has since the first time you expressed how deeply hurtful it was. I see nothing helpful or constructive about comparing your son to a boy who died too young and too soon. If it's said in front of Adam often, it could become a self-fulfilling prophecy. (Nothing like the power of suggestion.)
So stop feeling victimized and demand that your "wonderful" husband cut it out, because if something should happen, the fault will be HIS.
DEAR ABBY: I work at a school as an educational assistant. There are fewer than 100 kids in the entire high school, and I have gotten to know them all. When I go around the small neighborhoods trick-or-treating with my little ones, I see the high school kids in their costumes as well. They are well-behaved and having a good time.
Some of the teachers say the kids are too old to be trick-or-treating and they should "get a life." Well, their "life" is this small town, and I see nothing wrong with them participating in a good time along with the younger ones. They're not causing trouble. There is very little for them to do outside of school and sports, and Halloween is an opportunity for them to have fun.
What's your opinion? Are high school-age children too old to trick-or-treat? -- CONCERNED FOR THE KIDS
DEAR CONCERNED: I see nothing wrong with the high school kids dressing up and having a good time trick-or-treating on Halloween. The teachers who feel the kids are too old should be less critical. A positive -- and age-appropriate -- alternative would be for the school to arrange a party or a dance that evening. Considering the fact that it's a small town and the student body is small, it should be manageable.
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are Civil War re-enactors. (My husband is a cannon soldier and I am a nurse re-enactor.) We would greatly appreciate it if you would remind your readers that if they come to any of the re-enactments to please not talk to the participants while they are firing weapons in "battle" because it could distract them. Something could go wrong and they could be badly injured. Thank you, Abby. -- CIVIL WAR RE-ENACTOR IN ELMIRA, N.Y.
DEAR RE-ENACTOR: I'm pleased to pass along your important reminder. It would be a shame if someone became a casualty of a war that ended in 1865. People who attend a war re-enactment should realize they are watching a performance, and not participating in "history."
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
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This news arrived on: 10/26/2009
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Posted Comments:
11-02-2009 19:19
Primer wrote:
Re-enacting
My question to the original letter writer is, "How in the world is the audience getting close enough to the re-enactors during battle to engage them in conversation?" This truly is a serious safety violation, but is more on the organizers than anybody else. The battle field should already be roped off, and sentries standing by to keep the audience at bay.
I also serve on a cannon line, and if I do not see anybody else watching the crowd lines, I will do it myself. We use "live" ammunition--no intentional projectiles, but the black powder concussion itself, can be deadly. Safety is always our first concern. If anybody is too close, we will shut the line down before taking any chances.
I also serve on a cannon line, and if I do not see anybody else watching the crowd lines, I will do it myself. We use "live" ammunition--no intentional projectiles, but the black powder concussion itself, can be deadly. Safety is always our first concern. If anybody is too close, we will shut the line down before taking any chances.
10-27-2009 15:10
PurpleDiamond wrote:
Sandra & EOE
By the time I got to read this Sandra's comment was removed, so I didn't get the pleasure of reading her usual viciousness. But it must have been pretty vile for you to respond like you did. I think if you weren't drinking it would have been similar wording because she pulls out the anger in people. No need to apologize, because I'm sure she posts the way she does on purpose, but I still think she is a teenage boy just trying to rile people up.
10-27-2009 10:22
kotoc wrote:
Comments
I was curious after reading EoE's apology, so I hit the comment archives button, and saw WHY he had made those comments. I, too, forgive you EoE... and if you will forgive me for one last reprimand... you were a lot softer on that wench than I would have been. I would have used a LOT worse insults and gone off on her like a rocket. (She doesn't deserve the air she breathes!) I wonder, if she were Italian, would she be offended by someone calling HER that name?
As for the cruel manner in which that oaf treats his family, he doesn't deserve the air HE breathes either. Just my opinion. And hey... I'm not even drunk. LOL!
As for the cruel manner in which that oaf treats his family, he doesn't deserve the air HE breathes either. Just my opinion. And hey... I'm not even drunk. LOL!
10-27-2009 03:30
Anne wrote:
Cruel husband and sandra
This man is awful. I'm beginning to think there are a whole lot of those type of people around. I think it's either a sign that a person is feeling bad about themselves when they make cutting remarks, or it's a sign that they feel that they and their feelings are of much more value than anyone elses. Both thoughts are false. This wife needs to insist her husband get into counseling to overcome his abusive ways, or get out of the house. Some men can be abusive in ways that make it seem almost as though they aren't.
EOE, you are forgiven. Sandra is so evil that she makes all of us want to go off on her at some point. She's a bigot, a racist and an all around nasty person. I believe in karma, and her day is coming fast. If she talks in life, like she does on the computer, it's just a matter of time before someone mows her down with a car. Factually, she's probably too big of a coward to speak to people in life like she does behind the safety of her keyboard. Internet bullies are usually pretty ineffectual and useless in life.
EOE, you are forgiven. Sandra is so evil that she makes all of us want to go off on her at some point. She's a bigot, a racist and an all around nasty person. I believe in karma, and her day is coming fast. If she talks in life, like she does on the computer, it's just a matter of time before someone mows her down with a car. Factually, she's probably too big of a coward to speak to people in life like she does behind the safety of her keyboard. Internet bullies are usually pretty ineffectual and useless in life.
10-26-2009 22:59
East of Eden wrote:
I owe everyone an apology. Good grief-I can't believe what I wrote! I have been drinking again after several years of sobriety, and I guess I was in a blackout when I wrote some of this stuff. I am very mean when I'm drunk, and it looks like I went off on Sandra and I apologize.
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