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Author Bio:
Jeanne Phillips, a.k.a. "Dear Abby," has been the most trusted and popular advice columnist for years. Her daily readership totals more than 95 ...
Read more about Abigail Van Buren.
Jeanne Phillips, a.k.a. "Dear Abby," has been the most trusted and popular advice columnist for years. Her daily readership totals more than 95 ...
Read more about Abigail Van Buren.
HUSBAND'S DANGEROUS DRIVING PUTS HIS BUSINESS AT RISK
Abigail Van Buren
DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Harvey," and I have operated a
home-based business for more than 20 years. Harvey is an amazing
technician, extremely efficient with his time on the job. The problem
is, he is always in a hurry to get to the next job.
I receive calls from angry motorists complaining that "the driver of one of our trucks" cut them off, yelled at them or flipped them off in traffic. When I receive one of these calls I say, "Thank you for calling. I'll be sure to speak to the appropriate driver about the incident."
Harvey feels I should support him by telling the caller it was probably his own fault for talking on a cell phone, driving too slow or cutting him off. I have no doubt that some of these motorists actually do those things, but my husband is driving around with his phone number on his truck and they're not. When I mention the complaints, he wants to call them back using caller ID.
Am I handling this appropriately? I don't feel I should reprimand someone for bad driving if I wasn't present when something happened, nor do I want anyone to know it was my husband -- the owner of the business -- who flipped them off. Harvey is angry at me because I'm "not supporting" him. Any suggestions? -- BETWEEN A ROCK AND A HARD PLACE
DEAR BETWEEN: Harvey may be a great technician, but it appears he's a little short on common sense and good manners. I see no reason why you should defend him. His behavior is not only childish but also dangerous. Because other motorists are actually calling to report his erratic driving, it's a pretty good indication that your husband is an accident waiting to happen.
It's time you mentioned to him that what he's doing is also bad for business. Those he offends in traffic are not likely to say a kind word about the business he's advertising on his truck.
DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Adrian," and I have been married five years, but there is something looming in our future that both of us dread -- our parents' old age. Adrian is an only child. I have one sister, but when it comes to caring for our parents, I might as well be an only child.
Adrian's parents live month-to-month on Social Security and pension checks. If they ever have any extra money, they don't save it. They buy each other expensive gifts and eat out. Neither one of them is in good health, and the day will come when they won't be able to care for themselves or each other, and I know they'll expect us to do it.
My parents are about the same, except they're banking on an inheritance to see them through retirement. That money may or may not be enough, considering how long people live now. My grandparents were frugal. They saved and were determined not to be a burden on their children.
Our parents think it's our duty to care for them. His parents are in their late 60s, and we have young children. We cringe at the idea that after all our hard work we'll go from caring for our children to caring for our parents with no time for ourselves. -- AFRAID FOR THE FUTURE IN SAN ANTONIO
DEAR AFRAID: No one can foresee the future, so stop ruining the present by obsessing about what "might" happen. You say your in-laws are not in good health? One or both of them could die before they become completely dependent on you and your husband. The same is true for your parents. Forgive me if this seems cold, but it happens to be the truth.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
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This news arrived on: 10/25/2009
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Posted Comments:
10-26-2009 15:17
West of Hades wrote:
Willa and Marge, your posts are excellent!
Sherry, I agree, love and care for them while you can. No one lives forever. I am sorry for your loss.
I have a feeling though that "Afraid" won't be a bit sorry, but grateful when the parents and in laws die.
Sherry, I agree, love and care for them while you can. No one lives forever. I am sorry for your loss.
I have a feeling though that "Afraid" won't be a bit sorry, but grateful when the parents and in laws die.
10-26-2009 15:14
West of Hades wrote:
AFRAID FOR THE FUTURE
Could this woman be any more selfish or self centered??
Family takes care of family. I am 46 years old and part of the "Sandwich Generation". I have what is called the "Triple Decker Sandwich" life...parents, children at home, and a grandchild, as well as extended family who depend on me.
This is just a part of life. I would bet those same parents she beefs about having to care for are thre same grandparents who provide free babysitting service when this selfish couple wants alone time.
If this writer were my daughter I would pray to die before I ever became dependant on her selfish backside!
Family takes care of family. I am 46 years old and part of the "Sandwich Generation". I have what is called the "Triple Decker Sandwich" life...parents, children at home, and a grandchild, as well as extended family who depend on me.
This is just a part of life. I would bet those same parents she beefs about having to care for are thre same grandparents who provide free babysitting service when this selfish couple wants alone time.
If this writer were my daughter I would pray to die before I ever became dependant on her selfish backside!
10-26-2009 15:08
Willa wrote:
Parents
If this lady and her husband haven't had THE talk with their parents, they should now. The prospect of being full time care takers for so many people does sound oppressive to me. My mother went to a lawyer to set up her finances so that she could sign herself into a nursing home when her Parkinson's disease and other problems became too great for home care. She refused to place a burden on her children. My significant other's mother became a widow in 1980 and depended on him and me until she died last year. Her retirement income was considered hers to use as she pleased.(The idea that grandma would take care of grandchildren didn't fit her either--she had turned away a son's daughter, having her returned to her mother and abusive boyfriend.) Yes, there were two remaining siblings, but neither would take care of Mom even though we frequently asked for help. In fact, they told me I did not take care of their mother properly, leading to her death at 88. So I understand this woman's reference to her sister. You can't assume she will help when the time comes.
10-26-2009 13:50
marge wrote:
elderly parents
Boy am I glad that my children do not have this kind of attitude. Others have said most of what I wanted to say so I won't repeat those things (like who cared for you when you were growing up etc and that you owe your parents) but I will ask if something should happen to both you and your husband, who do you think would step up and care and raise your young children? I don't think the sister you claim would not care for your parents...it would be your parents or Adrian's parents who are in poor health. This is what families do for one another...they care for those that need care, regardless of the hardship and burden it creates on them. Your children's grandparents would not let them be put into foster care if there is any way at all to care for them, themselves and what is more, you would expect them to do this so grow up and quit complaining and feeling sorry for yourself or Adrian's next wife may be the one who will take care of his parents with love.
10-26-2009 10:20
sherry wrote:
about the future of parents
i lost my mother almost 8 years ago, i would give anything to have her back, i cannot understand people these days of complaining about having to take care of their parents, i just have this to say,"who took care of you , who diapered you, who spent money on you" deal with it.
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