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Jeanne Phillips, a.k.a. "Dear Abby," has been the most trusted and popular advice columnist for years. Her daily readership totals more than 95 ...
Read more about Abigail Van Buren.
Jeanne Phillips, a.k.a. "Dear Abby," has been the most trusted and popular advice columnist for years. Her daily readership totals more than 95 ...
Read more about Abigail Van Buren.
PARENTS HARM THEIR CHILDREN WHEN THEY LET THEM CHEAT
Abigail Van Buren
DEAR ABBY: I was raised from an early age that if you play a game, you
have to play fair and obey the rules. Those rules were never bent
regardless of what the game was or who we played with.
Over the years I have played games with many people, and while I realize it's possible for people to play the same game slightly differently, the rules still applied. What I don't understand is cheating.
A couple I know allow their children to play games with adults and let them cheat. What they're doing is obvious, and their parents even joke about it. I no longer enjoy playing with this family, but I don't know what to do or say. I have tried to subtly discourage and stop the deceptions, but I don't want to seem like a sore loser. Any suggestions? -- PLAYS BY THE RULES, URBANA, OHIO
DEAR PLAYS BY THE RULES: Yes. Do not play games with the family if the children are involved. It's not about being a sore loser; it's about not being a chump. By allowing their children to ignore the "rules," these parents are sending the message that rules don't apply to them. Because the children cheat when they play with you, it's safe to assume that they think it's acceptable to do it with other kids. And when their contemporaries realize what's going on, who do you think won't be allowed to join their games -- or anything else? Look at it this way: From little cheaters, big cheaters grow.
DEAR ABBY: My sister-in-law has just informed me that she doesn't think it is as important for her daughters to attend college as it is her sons.
My mother-in-law recently made a crack about my finances because she knows I'm paying off my student loans for two degrees.
My father-in-law can't understand what "all the fuss is about" now that my oldest daughter is preparing for college.
Abby, I have friends in their 30s and 40s who, for one reason or another, are single women supporting themselves. Even some who have degrees are struggling, but they are able to own their own homes because they are able to earn decent salaries.
What should I say when my mother-in-law and sister-in-law put me down for higher learning? Neither of them went to college or has ever worked. They would be on welfare if they didn't have their husbands' income. By the way, I'm not having any problem paying back my student loans, and my husband is proud of my accomplishments. -- EDUCATED IN TENNESSEE
DEAR EDUCATED: Your mother-in-law and sister-in-law are misguided. They do not understand the financial realities that exist for women today because they have never been exposed to them. Nothing that you can say to them will change their mind-set.
So rather than respond to their naive comments, take every opportunity to encourage your nieces to pursue their educations so they can live independent lives. And pray that your father-in-law and brother-in-law leave their wives well-provided-for should tragedy strike, because otherwise they could wind up on your doorstep.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
COPYRIGHT 2009 UNIVERSAL UCLICK
COPYRIGHT 2009 UNIVERSAL PRESS SYNDICATE. This feature may not be reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without the written permission of uclick and Universal Press Syndicate.
This news arrived on: 10/24/2009
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Posted Comments:
10-24-2009 17:33
marnie wrote:
cheating children
when we were little the adults would let us win at games and if we lost any money would always return it but not my mom's mother. Once she taught us a game whether cards, dice, or a board game we were on our own and if we lost any pennies while playing we did not get them back. They were hers. ( of course our pennies were supplied by our mom) But we all had fun and didn't think anything of it.
10-24-2009 02:30
MARGE wrote:
Cheating children
It is one thing for adults to fudge a bit to allow a young child to win a game (board game or card game) but quite another for older children to cheat deliberately against anyone in order to win. The rules of a game are like the laws of society. Those parents are going to be surprised when the police show up at their door to arrest junior who has "cheated" the traffic rules and has a lot of tickets and never paid them. And that will be the mildest of the problems that arise from children who grow up thinking that the "rules" don't apply to them.
10-24-2009 02:21
MARGE wrote:
Higher Education for Women
I believe that it is misguided to only advocate higher education for women with the idea that they will be better able to lead independent lives if the necessity should arise. Well educated women are better able to be REAL partners to their husbands whether they need to seek employment or be stay at home wives and/or mothers. They are better equipt to raise their sons and daughters and to be better wives. This is not to say that the only way to be well educated is to be a college graduate but it is one of the easiest ways to get to that level. Additionally well educated women are the ones who are apt to run the PTAs and other volunteer activites. I also believe that we are better as wives because we have more resorces to keep both ourselves and our families content, happier and functioning well. To sell the idea of college to folks who see it as not necessary for girls, college is one of the best places to meet smart men who are likely to get good jobs and be good providers for their wives and families. We used to kid at my college about girls/women who came to college to get their M.R.S. (MRS) in addition to their BS or BA.
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