Message for Daily Living - Column by Zig Ziglar

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Motivation or Manipulation?

Zig Ziglar

Basically, you can get others to do what you want them to do by making it very pleasant for them through positive motivation or by making it very unpleasant for them via negative manipulation like "constructive" criticism. The pleasant, positive approach is far more desirable because it breeds harmony and a willingness to go the extra mile, which leads to increased productivity. When you make conditions unpleasant through threats, harassment or "constructive" criticism, you might frighten or browbeat others into submission or conformity, but you create tension and resentment, impair creativity, curtail team spirit and increase personnel turnover or rebellious actions.

"Constructive criticism" is contradictory and can be confusing and/or devastating in the home or in business. "Constructive" means to build, while "criticism" essentially means to tear down or find fault.

The result, according to Richard Carson in "Taming Your Gremlin" (Harper-Row), is that "constructive criticism" too often leads to hurt feelings, anger and a definite loss in productivity (that's constructive?). He says that since childhood, we have dealt with an "inner voice" that continually criticizes us. When someone in a position of authority begins to do the same thing, we often react defensively and with anger. Criticism often builds barriers to communication, which is prerequisite to effective management or effective parenting.

The major problem with continuously finding fault is that your input eventually becomes the other person's self-talk. When you tell your child or associate, "You never look neat," "You're always late" or "You'll never make any progress here," they ultimately translate in the recipient's mind as "I have no future," "I will never amount to anything" or "I can't do anything right." As the critical self-talk increases, the performance continues on a downhill slide. On the flip side of the coin, it's amazing what happens when sincere compliments about positive performance become self-talk, and the recipient's ability, personality and future are all enhanced.

The principle I'm talking about works whether at home or in the marketplace. Research according to the Department of Labor reveals that 46 percent of people who voluntarily leave their jobs do so because they do not feel respected and/or appreciated. Another study revealed that 70 percent of people who are fired are dismissed because of "personality conflicts" and/or relationship difficulties.

The late Cavett Robert said there are over three billion people in the world who go to bed hungry for something to eat every night, but over five billion people go to bed every night hungry for a kind word, a sincere compliment, a word of encouragement. Wouldn't it be unbelievably tragic if one of those people were your husband or wife, your child or sibling? Wouldn't it be unfortunate if that individual worked for you or with you and for years had never heard kind words that could make a difference to him or her? It has been said that hope is the foundational quality of all change and that encouragement is the fuel on which hope runs. A sincere compliment is the most effective and least expensive motivation we can give our associates and our children. The word "sincere" is the key. We never say something to a person we would not say about that person.

Sadly, according to research by James Howard of Honinteg International, over 90 percent of employees state that when they have gone above and beyond the call of duty, nothing complimentary or appreciative is ever said -- no "thank you," "good job," "keep up the good work" or anything that would encourage them to repeat that performance. What a shame! All of us -- and I do mean all of us -- seek and desire that word of encouragement.

A simple "thank you" or "good job" (and be specific about what the good job was!) works wonders on the morale and productivity of associates and employees, as well as for the happiness and contentment of children at home. Give it a try. You'll be glad you did.

To find out more about Zig Ziglar and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com. Subscribe to Zig Ziglar's free e-mail newsletter through info@zigziglar.com.

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Copyright 2009 Creators Syndicate Inc.

This news arrived on: 11/23/2009

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