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For 30 years, Christian leader and spiritual adviser Billy Graham has been offering advice to the thousands of readers who share their problems ...
Read more about By Billy Graham, Tribune Media Services.
For 30 years, Christian leader and spiritual adviser Billy Graham has been offering advice to the thousands of readers who share their problems ...
Read more about By Billy Graham, Tribune Media Services.
Why Do Some People Never Learn From Their Mistakes?
By Billy Graham, Tribune Media Services
Q: Why do some people never seem to learn from their mistakes? I have
a friend who got into a really abusive relationship with someone last
year, and now she's about to fall into the same situation with someone
else. I've tried to talk to her, but she just doesn't get it. -- M.N.
A: As you're discovering, one of life's most frustrating experiences is to try to help someone who is headed toward almost certain disaster -- and then have them ignore you. Jesus had the same experience; He once cried out, "How foolish you are, and how slow of heart to believe all that the prophets have spoken!" (Luke 24:25).
Why is this? Psychologists point to various reasons why some people seem determined to act unwisely and put themselves in harm's way, even when it brings them great hurt. Some people, for instance, are rebelling against their upbringing, or have a hidden conviction that they aren't worthy of true happiness and deserve to be punished.
Others are so desperate for love that they'll do anything that promises happiness -- even if that promise is false.
But the Bible says there is a deeper spiritual reason why we act this way (and we all do, to some extent). That reason is sin, which is like a terrible virus that infects our souls and cripples us morally and spiritually. This is why we need Christ, for only He can take away our sins and help us live the way we should.
Pray for your friend, and keep urging her to face the consequences of her decisions. But most of all, urge her to turn to Christ and open her heart to Him. God loves her, and once she discovers this truth her life will never be the same.
========
Send your queries to "My Answer," c/o Billy Graham, Billy Graham Evangelistic Association, 1 Billy Graham Parkway, Charlotte, N.C., 28201; call 1-(877) 2-GRAHAM, or visit the Web site for the Billy Graham Evangelistic Association: www.billygraham.org.
(c)2008 BILLY GRAHAM DISTRIBUTED BY TRIBUNE MEDIA SERVICES, INC.
This news arrived on: 07/02/2008
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Posted Comments:
07-08-2008 21:21
there is hope wrote:
give it all to the lord
this is a very sad story i know just how your friend fills she may now see very clear at this time so dont give up on her just take it eazy on her let her open up to you right now she is all confuse so try to get her in church and just let her see that man for herself i know what she is going though cause i was in a abuse mariage myself for 13+yrs. it toke the faith and the love of god to get me out im been remarried to the most loving man now for 20+yrs. all because i put all my faith in the lord jesus christ oh how he blessed me with this wonderful life sometimes we get afaird of the good thing cause the deviel makes us weak i m praying for your friend to over come this battle before it over comes her dont you give up on her no matter what you be there for her always my gods love be with you all amen
07-05-2008 15:37
marajay wrote:
why she never learn
Hello ! I came from an abusive relationship too. Your friend is a c0dependent like me. I learned abt this when I attended counseling and support group @ church.Your friend needs your support and prayers especially at this time. She needs you to understand her situation and her addiction to men that are the same as her past relationships.Codependency is defined as:the codependent has been so elaborately enmenshed with the other person that her sense of self, personal identity is severely restricted, crowded out by the other person;s identity and problems from love is a choice book. Another definition is it;s a pattern of painful dependency on compulsive behavior in approval from others in an attempt to find identity,safety and self worth. She is trying to fill in an empty spcae right now and the way she is compulsively doing it as an effect of her previous abusive realtionship is be with another man that has the same characteristics as her past. Pls let her read on this as it will help her heal through God's grace and of course your support and understanding. God bless you and your friend. Thanks
07-02-2008 11:26
Revmark wrote:
Why some people never learn.
My wife and I adopted a young man when he was 15, I had been mentoring him since he was 11.
You know how some people may say, I don't have to go look for trouble, it always finds me?
Well, he would seek it, and whole heartedly.
And The Lord had taught me early on in my youth ministry to just sit back and observe a person, before just jumping in with both feet to help.
The first thing I noticed, was that he was used to getting into trouble, and to the point where he wouldn't even think twice about it.
He loved attention. And he would do whatever he had to to get it. So he got to the point where he felt that, negative attention was better then no attention at all.
It took about 1 1/2 years to get through to him that even though attention is good, that positive attention is better then negative attention.
I thought it would never sink in, because we would talk about it, and then he would turn right around and go and do something bad.
But he started learning it because he started spending alot more time at my home, with my wife and I. The problem was that he was used to havign to do things to get attention, because his mom never spent much time showing it to him.
So when he noticed how much better it was at our house and in the positive way of doing things, he changed.
Your friend has to be introduced to the right people, and it may take more then just you to do it.
Pray that the right person will come into her life.
The very first person, as Dr Graham pointed out, is Jesus, and then teach her to let Him guide her decision of who she starts a relationship with.
I had the priviledge to baptize my son when he was 15, because he learned where I got my positive attitude from, and wanted it for himself, and that was in Christ.
God Bless
Revmark
You know how some people may say, I don't have to go look for trouble, it always finds me?
Well, he would seek it, and whole heartedly.
And The Lord had taught me early on in my youth ministry to just sit back and observe a person, before just jumping in with both feet to help.
The first thing I noticed, was that he was used to getting into trouble, and to the point where he wouldn't even think twice about it.
He loved attention. And he would do whatever he had to to get it. So he got to the point where he felt that, negative attention was better then no attention at all.
It took about 1 1/2 years to get through to him that even though attention is good, that positive attention is better then negative attention.
I thought it would never sink in, because we would talk about it, and then he would turn right around and go and do something bad.
But he started learning it because he started spending alot more time at my home, with my wife and I. The problem was that he was used to havign to do things to get attention, because his mom never spent much time showing it to him.
So when he noticed how much better it was at our house and in the positive way of doing things, he changed.
Your friend has to be introduced to the right people, and it may take more then just you to do it.
Pray that the right person will come into her life.
The very first person, as Dr Graham pointed out, is Jesus, and then teach her to let Him guide her decision of who she starts a relationship with.
I had the priviledge to baptize my son when he was 15, because he learned where I got my positive attitude from, and wanted it for himself, and that was in Christ.
God Bless
Revmark
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