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Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar work together on "Annie's Mailbox," a unique advice column written for the modern reader. The two began their ...
Read more about Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar.
Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar work together on "Annie's Mailbox," a unique advice column written for the modern reader. The two began their ...
Read more about Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar.
Annie's Mailbox
Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar
Dear Annie: Last weekend, my daughter, my grandchildren and I attended
an exhibition at a well-known museum in Chicago. While waiting to
enter, I saw a boy around 8 years old trying to comfort his toddler
sister, who was crying. The mother was not present. However, when she
returned, she snatched the little girl away and slapped the boy
viciously on his ear. He cried out in obvious pain and ran to a nearby
wall, sobbing.
My daughter and I could not contain our shock and dismay, but we did not approach. The woman came after the boy and he ran. My daughter followed discreetly and heard the woman berating the child. He explained that he was trying to get his sister to stop crying, but the mother shouted that he had embarrassed her and should not have held the girl.
I am a retired psychiatric nurse. To hit a child in such a manner is child abuse. It is especially harmful to hit a child on the head or ear. Such a blow can damage the delicate structures in the ear and cause permanent injury. Ten minutes later, we saw them again, and the little fellow was still rubbing his ear.
This mother needs counseling. I would have notified security, but there were large crowds and a lot of noise, and I doubted they would help. Now, I feel I should have said something. At least let parents know they must not hit their children on the ear or head, or jerk them or shove them. If they are having problems with stress and child-rearing, there are social agencies that will help. -- Indianapolis
Dear Indianapolis: We pray this was a one-time loss of control on the mother's part. No matter how badly a child is misbehaving, hitting him, especially on the head, never makes the situation better. In this instance, we would have approached the mother gently, said it was obvious her kids were a handful, and asked if she needed help. It is a tactic that can calm the mother down and let her know others are watching. It also shows the children that adults are willing to protect them. If the mother continued to be abusive, the next step would be to call the police.
Dear Annie: Is it proper to have a baby shower for a second or third child? Two of my cousins are having showers because this time around it's going to be a girl instead of a boy.
I already spent plenty on the showers for the first kids and don't feel it is right to expect people to spend any more. What's your take? -- Out of Money
Dear Out: According to Peggy Post, it is OK to give showers for subsequent children, but only if the guest list is limited to very close relatives and friends, and any remaining guests don't include those who already attended a shower for the first child. And you can, of course, decline the invitation.
Dear Annie: I want to add another perspective to "Troubled in Ohio," the non-religious woman who is considering marriage to a minister.
As a young minister's wife, I learned that "religious" is defined differently by each member of the congregation. It didn't take long to realize I wasn't going to live up to most of the expectations. Some found it inconceivable that I couldn't sing in the choir or play the piano. Others felt I should be more capable of leading a prayer group. Some thought my ineptness in the kitchen was proof my husband married the wrong woman.
My response? "We married for love." And apparently it shows, because after 40 years, people say they can still see the spark in our eyes when we look at each other. -- Meant for Each Other
Dear Meant: Members of a congregation somehow feel entitled to pass judgment on the minister's spouse. It comes with the territory. You have handled it well.
Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611. To find out more about Annie's Mailbox, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.
Copyright 2009 Creators Syndicate Inc.
This news arrived on: 11/06/2009
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Posted Comments:
11-07-2009 00:01
latoya wrote:
posting
Now why would "another voice" keep posting the same junk at different times? Is it to bump other posts out of the way? Shame, shame. If you had something to say, it might be different. But that's not the case.
11-06-2009 17:20
scrappy indiana wrote:
abuse in public
What the ladies have recommended is the usual protocol that is suggested by agencies and advocates that work with abusive parent-child situations.
The person who objects is not supposed to criticize the abusive parent but rather to offer assistance in a non-confrontational and non-accusatory manner while hopefully demonstrating some sort of intervention available to the child. It's very tough to do and a tad bit dangerous.
For myself, I get very physically upset when I see anyone being abused or mistreated and years of reading on-line has brought the above recommendations to my attention.
I had an incident in a grocery store parking lot with a man and a woman...while he was out of sight and ear-shot I quietly asked her if she wanted me to call someone. She said, "No, I'm alright..." to which I replied, "You know you don't have to take anything you don't want to..." and she said, "I know." I left it at that and quietly went about my business, though I was extremely upset.
The issue with minors is so much trickier and often more sensitive. Since I have become a mother, I am still haunted by an incident while boarding a plane with my son, an infant at the time. A father was so rough with his young child (a boy between 6 and 8) that he knocked him down, then gruffly told him to get up. I didn't know what to do and looked away because of anxiety and anger/fear. I have wished many times I could go back to that moment and intervene in a way that might have eased my conscience and let that boy know that caring adults thought the parental behavior was out of line. I dread the next time this comes up.
Good luck and god bless to those who find themselves confronted by these situations. Remember, evil exists because good men stand by and do nothing.
The person who objects is not supposed to criticize the abusive parent but rather to offer assistance in a non-confrontational and non-accusatory manner while hopefully demonstrating some sort of intervention available to the child. It's very tough to do and a tad bit dangerous.
For myself, I get very physically upset when I see anyone being abused or mistreated and years of reading on-line has brought the above recommendations to my attention.
I had an incident in a grocery store parking lot with a man and a woman...while he was out of sight and ear-shot I quietly asked her if she wanted me to call someone. She said, "No, I'm alright..." to which I replied, "You know you don't have to take anything you don't want to..." and she said, "I know." I left it at that and quietly went about my business, though I was extremely upset.
The issue with minors is so much trickier and often more sensitive. Since I have become a mother, I am still haunted by an incident while boarding a plane with my son, an infant at the time. A father was so rough with his young child (a boy between 6 and 8) that he knocked him down, then gruffly told him to get up. I didn't know what to do and looked away because of anxiety and anger/fear. I have wished many times I could go back to that moment and intervene in a way that might have eased my conscience and let that boy know that caring adults thought the parental behavior was out of line. I dread the next time this comes up.
Good luck and god bless to those who find themselves confronted by these situations. Remember, evil exists because good men stand by and do nothing.
11-06-2009 16:41
DeeS wrote:
Out of money
Give a package of Pampers and wipes, that doesn't cost a lot and it certainly will be useful!! 1st, 2nd, 3rd or whatever.
11-06-2009 15:57
another voice wrote:
Out of money
I recently attended a "sprinkle" (as opposed to a shower) for baby #2. It was low key and the gifts were to supplement a girl's wardrobe as the first child was a boy. It was very nice!
11-06-2009 08:37
Cornelia wrote:
Baby Showers
Since the gift is for the baby and not the parents, what does birth order have to do with it? A child born second or third or fourth cannot have gifts because his older brother or sister already got them all? We should stop these archaic customs and tell Emily Post to genteely jump in a lake.
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