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Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar work together on "Annie's Mailbox," a unique advice column written for the modern reader. The two began their ...
Read more about Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar.
Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar work together on "Annie's Mailbox," a unique advice column written for the modern reader. The two began their ...
Read more about Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar.
Annie's Mailbox
Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar
Dear Annie: I am very antisocial. I don't go to parties as often as
most teens, I hardly ever invite friends over, and the few friends I
do have no longer attend the same school. I don't belong to any clubs
or do other extracurricular activities, including sports, which has
greatly affected my health. I spend most of my days at the computer,
watching TV or pacing back and forth in my backyard.
My parents have noticed my lack of social skills. My older sister is the same way. They think they are to blame for not introducing sports and other social hobbies to me at an early age, but something tells me that's not the case.
I know I can make more friends if I try, but I don't know how. So, Annie, please tell me. How does a 14-year-old who's never had a circle of friends, never been a partygoer and never had her first kiss learn to be normal? -- Lonely for Life
Dear Lonely: You are not as abnormal as you think. Many teens have difficulty with their social skills, even though you may not see it. Plus, it sounds as if there is a family history of social anxiety. The fact that you want to change is a good sign, and we have every confidence you can take charge of your life. First, make an effort to get out of the house more. Force yourself to sign up for at least one extracurricular activity at school. Make a vow to smile and say hello to as many classmates as possible. Invite a new friend to go with you to the mall or come to your house and watch a movie. Be interested in what others have to say. All of these things require effort, and you will have to push yourself at first, but it will get easier over time.
Dear Annie: I met my girlfriend three years ago and learned that her stepfather had sexually abused her when she was a young girl. Her mother knew about it, but never did anything to help her.
We now live together and have a child. On several occasions, I have suggested she get counseling, but she either refuses or puts it off. The stepfather is still married to her mom. I can't stand the fact that she doesn't realize how this infuriates me.
This man should be taken off the streets regardless of how long ago the abuse happened. What else can I do to get her to seek counseling? -- Concerned
Dear Concerned: We know how upset you are, but please remember that this is not about you, and the constant pressure on your girlfriend undoubtedly makes her additionally uncomfortable and stressed. She may fear seeking counseling because she thinks it would necessitate arresting her stepfather, and she may not be ready to take that step. We urge you to call RAINN (rainn.org) at 1-800-656-HOPE (1-800-656-4673) and ask how you can best help her.
Dear Annie: When I was 18, I found out I had genital warts, and my world came out from under me. I thought only bad girls with poor hygiene got STDs.
The response from my parents didn't help. Mom called me names and said I was "dirty." She insisted no one would ever want to touch me again. She phoned the doctor to ask if I was allowed to use the same toilet seats as the rest of the family. My father wouldn't make eye contact for a week. It destroyed our relationship.
Having HPV changed the way I looked at myself and others. Mom was wrong. I have been married for almost four years to a wonderful man. He knows he could contract HPV, but it doesn't change his love for me.
"Sad Mom" is doing the best thing for her daughter just by being there for her and not letting her beat herself up for the mistakes she has made. Someday someone will see the beautiful person she is. -- Mending Relationships
Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611. To find out more about Annie's Mailbox, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.
Copyright 2009 Creators Syndicate Inc.
This news arrived on: 10/26/2009
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Posted Comments:
10-29-2009 15:43
Anyn. wrote:
Re:
Dear Annie: There is still another reason why a special caregiver may not be able to contribute to voluntere extra help for their special needs child. It's a lack of extra money it takes to do such voluntere work.
It also concernes me when I heard about about him walking around the backyard talking to himself.
I did the same thing in very early grade school
and the first year of two of junior high as well. I obsevred usually at least one other child who did. I saw how the normal children left them alone as well. And i had absolutetly no desire to relate to that child either.
I was able to get control over it in later junior high and remained in control until my whole world crashed and brought me down to the lowest pit imaginable at the age of 50. I learned that there is a test that can establish this for certain. There is at least a slight a chance that early intervention with a prescription preventative
could prevent this from happening. This is something they should seriously check into.
It also concernes me when I heard about about him walking around the backyard talking to himself.
I did the same thing in very early grade school
and the first year of two of junior high as well. I obsevred usually at least one other child who did. I saw how the normal children left them alone as well. And i had absolutetly no desire to relate to that child either.
I was able to get control over it in later junior high and remained in control until my whole world crashed and brought me down to the lowest pit imaginable at the age of 50. I learned that there is a test that can establish this for certain. There is at least a slight a chance that early intervention with a prescription preventative
could prevent this from happening. This is something they should seriously check into.
10-29-2009 12:22
Brenda wrote:
Concerned
This man and his formerly abused girlfriend have a child together and they haven't reported this guy to the authorities? I guess we'll just have to hope that child never visits Grandpa alone!
10-26-2009 18:37
JD wrote:
Concerned
The first thing that jumped out at me is that the couple now has a child of their own and they should be worried about the stepfather molesting this newest generation!
10-26-2009 17:41
evkennedy wrote:
sexually abused girlfriend
Thhe first thing that jumped out at me is that he's been with this gal for a long time and they have a child. Why hasn't he married her? Is she not good enough? Maybe if she felt valued and supported, she's be confident enough to stand up for herself. Do the right thing. Commit or leave and stop criticizing her reaction to something you've never had to face.
10-26-2009 16:08
Scrabble Nerd wrote:
Mending Relationships
Kudos to you for taking your personal adversity and channeling into sympathy for others. If only more people could be like that the world would be a better place.
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