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Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar work together on "Annie's Mailbox," a unique advice column written for the modern reader. The two began their ...
Read more about Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar.
Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar work together on "Annie's Mailbox," a unique advice column written for the modern reader. The two began their ...
Read more about Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar.
Annie's Mailbox
Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar
Dear Annie: My parents are in their 80s. My father has been having
strokes, and his right side is mostly paralyzed. He is usually in a
wheelchair.
Whenever I visit, Mom cries that Dad is having an affair with a woman who lives in the same apartment complex, and that this woman has stolen things when Mom is not at home. Mom claims the woman has taken paper towels, silverware, plates, food, etc.
My 57-year-old sister, who is Dad's caregiver, is tired of hearing my mother complain that items are missing. My sister told me that Mom misplaces things all the time, no one is stealing anything and Dad is not having an affair.
We've tried telling Mom that Dad has enough trouble, that she is misplacing these things herself and nothing is going on with another woman, but then she becomes upset because we don't believe her. How do we resolve this? -- Salem, Ore.
Dear Salem: Has your mother seen her doctor recently? Her complaints indicate some paranoia and irrational thinking, which are indicative of Alzheimer's. Claims of theft are particularly common. Please take her for a complete examination and ask for an evaluation of her mental functioning.
Dear Annie: I was surprised to read your response to "Molly's Aunt," whose 11-year-old home-schooled niece could neither read nor count to 100. However well-intended her parents may be, they are guilty of educational neglect, a classification that is a violation of child welfare statutes in most states. This aunt can call the child welfare hotline in her state to report this, as well as the state agency that licenses these programs. In either case, the parents will be held to a higher level of accountability than the word of another mother with no obvious standards. -- Concerned in Kansas
Dear Concerned: Our readers were plenty hot under the collar about these parents. Read on for more:
From Ohio: Perhaps Molly's niece is dyslexic and her parents don't talk about her problems to others. My smart 11-year-old granddaughter reads very little because she is dyslexic. Her father taught himself to read after he graduated from high school.
Boston: Right now I'm about to hyperventilate about the 11-year-old who cannot read. That simple skill could save her life. It IS the aunt's business. We are our brother's keeper. I'd call social services. I'd say more, but I'm sputtering.
New Hampshire: Bravo for your answer to "Molly's Aunt." It truly is none of her business. My wife and I follow a child-directed curriculum for our children, ages 8 and 11, and have every confidence in their ability to pursue the things that interest them, including basic skills like reading, writing and arithmetic. Molly's aunt should worry more about the millions of children locked in classrooms for 12 years of their lives, where the lesson learned is that knowledge is meant only for instant regurgitation on demand.
Pennsylvania: As a teacher I was shocked by your answer. In my state, a fifth grader is expected to have a firm command of arithmetic. Teachers are expected to act "in loco parentis." Conversely, parents who home-school take on the responsibilities of the teacher. Those parents have been derelict in their duties.
New Jersey: My four siblings and I were home-schooled. All five of us were late readers -- particularly my older brother, who did not read until he was 13. My parents followed the philosophy that one retains information about subjects in which one is truly interested, which encourages us to master skills when we are ready. As a tutor at Rutgers University, I know that illiteracy affects people of all backgrounds. I've never met an adult home-schooler who couldn't read. My brother graduated this May from Columbia University with honors. There are many different ways to receive an education. When Molly is ready, she will learn to read unencumbered of the anxiety about what we've decided is normal. And with support from her aunt, she will be even better suited to thrive.
Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611. To find out more about Annie's Mailbox, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.
Copyright 2009 Creators Syndicate Inc.
This news arrived on: 10/24/2009
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Posted Comments:
10-27-2009 21:53
sylvia in ky. wrote:
molly
I send 5 of our 9 kids to public school they are now in their 20's, two were pushed through the system and still read on a second grade level. the other 4 kids we decided to home school they all did not read well till way after the age of 11, on their time, when they showed interest.WE pride our self for being Americans and therefor have the right and freedom of choice. Well one of those choices we can make is to school our children at home and choose the way we want to educate them. As long as they do learn who has the right to dictate how and when they should reach milestones?
10-25-2009 14:02
scrappy indiana wrote:
reply to Di
Yes! In fact, schools that turn out children who cannot read are accountable for educational failure.
If a student cannot perform to an expected standard, many legal actions can, and often are, taken against the institution.
When a student has legitimate learning disabilities, those are to be documented by licensed professionals. The school system is expected to assist the child in achieving to the best of their individual ability. There is a whole host of documentation, on-going conferencing, professional intervention, and remediation that is part of that child's education. And, might I add, that is expected to be done at the same cost that a general education is provided to others who may need very little assistance in achieving mastery.
Let me speak for teachers who have little desire to "lock children in classrooms learning rote regurgitation for 12 years." We would love to be able to tailor lessons to the interests of children but we have standardized state exams and progressively punitive consequences for failing to reach mandated mastery levels held over our heads 42 weeks of the year. We also have classrooms where around 25 individuals (or more, in many cases), with individual needs,abilities, and interests are spending scant hours a week with us. Additionally, we have advanced degrees in most cases, and make less than most licensed professionals with similar educational levels and career experience. Let's not discuss the budgetary constraints on most school corporations.
If people really care about the education of children they should volunteer a few hours a week, hey, how about a month, in their local public school. It would be quite the eye opener for most.
If a student cannot perform to an expected standard, many legal actions can, and often are, taken against the institution.
When a student has legitimate learning disabilities, those are to be documented by licensed professionals. The school system is expected to assist the child in achieving to the best of their individual ability. There is a whole host of documentation, on-going conferencing, professional intervention, and remediation that is part of that child's education. And, might I add, that is expected to be done at the same cost that a general education is provided to others who may need very little assistance in achieving mastery.
Let me speak for teachers who have little desire to "lock children in classrooms learning rote regurgitation for 12 years." We would love to be able to tailor lessons to the interests of children but we have standardized state exams and progressively punitive consequences for failing to reach mandated mastery levels held over our heads 42 weeks of the year. We also have classrooms where around 25 individuals (or more, in many cases), with individual needs,abilities, and interests are spending scant hours a week with us. Additionally, we have advanced degrees in most cases, and make less than most licensed professionals with similar educational levels and career experience. Let's not discuss the budgetary constraints on most school corporations.
If people really care about the education of children they should volunteer a few hours a week, hey, how about a month, in their local public school. It would be quite the eye opener for most.
10-24-2009 16:52
East of Eden wrote:
Salem
I wouldn't jump to conclusions re: Alzheimers. Your mom could be experiencing vascular dementia - it's a lack of sufficient blood to the brain. Paranoia is just one of the symptoms. Thinking that your dad is having an affair is another - some think that their spouses are leaving them. Depression is another manifestation. Have your mom checked out ASAP.
10-24-2009 16:14
Di in Ky wrote:
Molly
So, are schools that turn out students who cannot read also considered "guilty of educational neglect"? Maybe they are doing all the right things for her, but she has learning disabilities that the aunt knows nothing about.
Things are not always appear as they seem.
Things are not always appear as they seem.
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