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Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar work together on "Annie's Mailbox," a unique advice column written for the modern reader. The two began their ...
Read more about Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar.
Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar work together on "Annie's Mailbox," a unique advice column written for the modern reader. The two began their ...
Read more about Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar.
Annie's Mailbox
Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar
Dear Annie: I divorced 18 months ago after being separated for three
years. During this entire time, my ex-husband has had a nasty
girlfriend who is always in the middle of every situation. I don't
care for this woman at all.
My ex and I have a 5-year-old son. The girlfriend has used him as a messenger, telling him things she wanted him to repeat to me. I confronted my ex about it, but instead of things improving, they have gotten worse.
This woman broadcasts to everyone who will listen that I am a bad mom and a terrible person. She recently posted on Facebook that I was having affairs while married and also had an abortion. These are baldfaced lies.
My son just started school, and I worry other parents may hear about these accusations. The only way to get rid of this woman is to keep my child away from his father, and I truly do not want to do that. He is a great dad. I just need his girlfriend to back off.
What should I do? -- The Ex-Wife
Dear Ex: If your ex-husband is truly a great dad, he would not want his son to be misled or confused by this woman, nor would he allow his son's mother to be publicly trampled and lied about. He has an obligation to make his girlfriend stop badmouthing you before her attempts at defamation risk losing him his visitation rights. Perhaps if he understands the consequences, he will put an end to it. If necessary, discuss it with your lawyer.
Dear Annie: My husband's self-esteem is so low these days that he blames himself for everything. Last week, I was having hot flashes that kept me awake so I slept on the couch. My husband automatically assumed it was his snoring and said, "If I snore, wake me up and I'll sleep downstairs." Tonight at dinner, the chicken didn't taste quite as good as usual, and he said, "I must have overcooked it on the grill." It's always his fault.
When he has a good idea, he phrases it as "we thought," even though I had nothing to do with it. He has so little self-confidence it's as if he is afraid to take ownership of his opinions. When he has free time, he mopes around or watches TV and allows me to do all the planning. He expresses no interest in anything, and it's driving me crazy. Please help. -- Lonely for My Old Partner
Dear Lonely: One reason a man can develop a lack of motivation is a drop in testosterone. Another is depression. Please insist your husband get a complete checkup and specifically ask the doctor to check his testosterone levels. If everything is OK, ask him to see a therapist to find out why he has lost interest in everything.
Dear Annie: Your response to "Contemplating Divorce in the Midwest" was right on. She's been married 38 years to an emotionally abusive man who cheats on her.
I worked my butt off for 23 years trying to please my ex-husband. I worked two jobs and raised our kids. As the years passed, the verbal abuse and humiliation kept getting worse until finally I'd had enough.
A few weeks after I left, I ran into a neighbor. He told me he heard my ex yelling at our 16-year-old son that he hoped when he married, his wife would leave him, too. My son calmly replied, "I would never treat my wife the way you treated Mom."
Leaving was hard, but it was one of the best things I could have done for my kids and myself. -- Happy Ending
Dear Happy: Your son sounds like a smart, compassionate young man in spite of his father. You did a good job.
Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611. To find out more about Annie's Mailbox, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.
Copyright 2009 Creators Syndicate Inc.
This news arrived on: 10/12/2009
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Posted Comments:
10-13-2009 08:04
Blueeyes81900 wrote:
the ex-wife
you should take her to small claims court for defamation of character! make sure to print the comments that she posted on Facebook and bring them to court with you. i just saw something very similar to this on one of the court tv shows and the woman won $5000.00. That should shut the little trollup up!
10-12-2009 14:30
East of Eden wrote:
Lonely
I go with the hormone thing - don't laugh but some of us men go through what is called andropause. It's not the same as menopause (obviously) but it does manifest itself in lack of interest, lowered libido, symptoms which appear to be depression (but are not). It's hormonal and once it is explained, there are techniques to conquer it without drugs. For some of us, it's temporary so don't give up hope. Encourage your husband but don't dwell on it or ask him about his feelings - we men do not like discussing feelings. Don't push and don't baby him, either. Once he gets back in the swing of things, you'll see him change back to somebody who resembles his old self.
10-12-2009 10:19
Shana wrote:
To Daisy, Re: Lonely
Oh, Man- Daisy, M'Dear, you've never had your partner suffer a significant depression, have you?
My wonderful mate went through a similar phase several years ago and (after 3 years of it) I nearly left because this was NOT the guy I married and not even someone who'd have gotten a second date.... Thoughtful IS wonderful, but wishywashy, apologetic and self deprecating? Not really all that pleasant and the effort involved in propping up someone like that? It is a full time job and not one anyone wants.
Thank heavens, he went back into the profession he loves and within months of going back, was again the confident, decisive, funny, slightly cocky guy I fell for.
I'm sorry that you're dealing with the other side of the coin, but please believe me, you do not want Lonely's problems, either.
My wonderful mate went through a similar phase several years ago and (after 3 years of it) I nearly left because this was NOT the guy I married and not even someone who'd have gotten a second date.... Thoughtful IS wonderful, but wishywashy, apologetic and self deprecating? Not really all that pleasant and the effort involved in propping up someone like that? It is a full time job and not one anyone wants.
Thank heavens, he went back into the profession he loves and within months of going back, was again the confident, decisive, funny, slightly cocky guy I fell for.
I'm sorry that you're dealing with the other side of the coin, but please believe me, you do not want Lonely's problems, either.
10-12-2009 10:10
Shana wrote:
Ex Wife
Wow-The girlfriend is harming that child, in several ways and Dad is allowing it... not the behavior of a "great dad". It is past time for a conference with both parents and the court mediator (Most US jurisdictions offer binding mediation as an option for family court/custody matters). And a "Cease and Desist" letter from her lawyer might get the attention of the girlfriend.... or a restraining order.
FaceBook has proven fairly responsive to complaints, so it might be worthwhile to notify them of of the problem.... but print out the offending pages first. They'll be needed for evidence.
FaceBook has proven fairly responsive to complaints, so it might be worthwhile to notify them of of the problem.... but print out the offending pages first. They'll be needed for evidence.
10-12-2009 04:14
East of Eden wrote:
Ex-Wife
I don't know the law in the States but in Canada, you could sue the girlfriend for slander. As for the ex-husband, he is allowing this to happen and should be forbidden to have the child in the GF's presence. But, do see a lawyer about suing the GF for slander.
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